to think my boyfriend could text more?

[cathyscarlett]

I'm almost sure IABU here.

I've been with my bf since late November. I wasn't overly sure I wanted to be in a relationship - I haven't been in one for a couple of years and my previous one was emotionally abusive.

Anyway, all going well so far. Don't see each other too much, which is how I wanted it to be. No pressure on it at all, which is great.

However, over the last couple of weeks he's cancelled plans on me a couple of times, and seems very reluctant to travel to my house, though it's fine when I make the journey to his (about a 45 minute trip on public transport).

When we're texting he just randomly stops replying. I've told him I find it rude when he doesn't text back when I've asked a question, he says we said at the beginning we only need text when we feel like it etc. Which is correct, and the laidbackness (if that's a word) of it was what convinced me to give another relationship a try.

He's went back home to his parent's house (about 3 hours away) yesterday and comes home tomorrow. I was texting him infrequently yesterday evening (very infrequently, as I was out), and he was replying until about 11:30pm, then stopped. Asleep, I assumed, but he hasn't text me at all again today.

I don't know whether this is just a normal thing in a relationship or whether it's a sign that he is no longer interested.

if you ask him a question that he ignores, I don't think that's respectful, but sometimes texts don't "need" a response.

If it's been a conversation, I think it's rude to not say "got to go - speak soon" - it doesn't take long to put those characters in to a text!

How often do you text him?

Imo texting causes nothing but problems; texts that don't arrive, that aren't noticed, that are misconstrued, that don't come fast enough.

Stop texting. Start calling.

I think the lack of texts on its own would not be a reason to worry, but if he's letting you do more of the effort in general (I.e. the travel) it sounds like he's just not that into you, sorry.

I agree with OnTheBottom ^

Well, I reply to his texts. I don't bombard him or anything, if he doesn't want to reply I don't harrass him into it. I haven't text him again since the one I sent late on last night, for example.

It's bewildering more than anything. I feel it's annoying rude to just stop replying, instead of, as said above, just saying 'right, I've got to go, I'll speak to you later'.

But I don't to appear obsessive if I confront him over it if it's a perfectly normal thing to do.

Yeah, that's what I perceive it as, that he just isn't that interested. Which is fine, as I say I was reluctant to get into a relationship in the first place, so if he wanted to leave it then I'd be okay with that. But when I've suggested to him that his behaviour suggests he's not overly fussed about me he claims he's holding back so as to not scare me off. Which would be an entirely understandable reason if he hadn't continued to act this way after I'd mentioned that to him.

I don't want to continue with it if he isn't that fussed. Firstly because I'll feel like a bit of a mug for allowing it, and secondly because I don't want to start liking him more and run the risk of getting hurt.

Could you have a chat when you next see him, say that you actually would prefer a bit more contact... and then see how he is after that? If he carries on doing it then you know it's purposeful.

The whole texting thing when you are out and about it weird to me. He was visiting his parents and you were out. Was he interrupting his conversations with them to read your texts and text you back? Were you out having a nice time with friends? Why were you ignoring them to text him - or were you texting away when they were at the bar or you were in the loo? Surely whatever you are doing and whoever you are with can take precedence for one night? Texting sets up unreasonable expectations I think. I would be more concerned about the cancellations and reluctance to make the effort to come and see you, although as you have agreed that it will be a no-pressure relationship perhaps he is just taking it more light-heartedly than you.

Texting is a recipe for disaster if it's used for anything other than checking arrangements. Trying to conduct a relationship by text is just asking for trouble for the reasons other posters have given. If a period of text silence is enough to cause you concerns of 'game playing' angst then resolve to stop texting, just call - or end it.

...

I'd say that his cancelling dates and not being as keen to drive to see you is more a sign of his losing interest than the not texting thing.

Texts are Satans tool. Annoying, intrusive and should be used for minimum information eg, train stuck tunnel will be late. things that do not require a response.

Not everyone lives with a mobile glued to their palm.

Is it not a bit of a mixed message to want a laidback relationship and then demand responses?