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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

not such a favour

10 replies

Noideaatall · 02/03/2013 23:48

One of my friends offered to arrange a birthday outing for me, telling me I just have to turn up and she'd do the rest. The trouble is, she's vetoed the place I chose (having asked me where I'd like to go), chosen somewhere more expensive, spent a whole morning & evening texting & emailing me to sort it out, asking me to pay for part of it in advance 'as it's a lot of money' then invited one of her own friends that I hardly know. She also asked me what gift I'd like - then refused to get it, but spent a long time telling me I should tell 'my other friends' to get me vouchers 'as you can always use those'. The final straw was when she sent me an email that said - can you tell your friends not to be late as we've only got a two hour slot. The place I chose was a lot less formal, and some of my friends are poor and have young children to sort out so I am going to have to pay for them now myself as I coudln't ask them to stump up so much. I wish I'd been more assertive earlier but she'd get the hump as she still thinks she's doing me a favour. I feel a bit fed up - AIBU?

OP posts:
yaimee · 02/03/2013 23:50

No, you're not, but you should have stood up to her earlier as there is no getting out of it without having an argument now! Sorry op Sad

squeakytoy · 02/03/2013 23:52

Sounds to me like she is doing herself a favour, by getting to go to a place SHE wants to go to.

Yes you need to be more assertive. Is there time to cancel it or is it too late?

Bluelightsandsirens · 02/03/2013 23:52

This doesn't sound like a friend to me.

Have you had the night out yet?

Montybojangles · 03/03/2013 08:48

Just cancel and go where you want. What sort of a friend is she??

Noideaatall · 05/03/2013 23:20

No, haven't had it yet. Should have been more assertive, I know. But I've told other people now about it so I sort of feel I can't get out of it! A lesson learned though....she wore me down by just suggesting place after place that was more or less the same. Same technique the DCs use for getting their own way! Wink

OP posts:
schoolgovernor · 05/03/2013 23:25

Don't be daft. Unless you've parted with money just ring her (don't text!) tomorrow and say... "I appreciate you offering to organise my birthday treat, however I'd much prefer that you cancel it and leave me to arrange something that I will enjoy more. It's a bit expensive for me and my friends and I'd really rather not go there".
Whatever she responds... "Yes, I appreciate that you ...(fill in blanks, repeat back what she said) however, I don't fancy going there and I'd like to make my own arrangements.
And again... "I understand all that and believe me I do appreciate the thought, however I don't really want to go there and would prefer to organise something that I will enjoy more". Oh, and put a post-it in front of your eyes saying "DON'T APOLOGISE" and make sure you don't use that horrible phrase "I'm sorry but...".
Some friend. Hmm

ThreeWheelsGood · 05/03/2013 23:26

Only a two hour slot? What's the point then? Tell get you want to go to your choice so you can linger and natter over your lunch.

Kytti · 05/03/2013 23:31

What schoolgovernor said. Blimey.

Go to a nice buffet place and stay 'til; they begin packing up. That's what my friends and I do. Cheap, cheerful and loads of fun. It's the company that counts, isn't it?

gimmecakeandcandy · 05/03/2013 23:33

Ffs grow some balls and just say no! What is it with people like you who allow themselves to be railroaded into stuff?

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/03/2013 23:49

What schoolgovernor said.

" I wish I'd been more assertive earlier but she'd get the hump as she still thinks she's doing me a favour."
Well, you can still be assertive NOW. And so what if she gets the hump? She is not, IMO, your friend. A friend would be more - well, friendly? She is an acquaintance with delusions.

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