to tell someone what I think if they put something racist or something which I disagree strongly with on Facebook?

[weewifey40]

has happened a few times recently.
I hate sitting on my hands, forcing myself not to post, when I want to tell them what I actually think.
3 examples:
friend from school put something about immigrants taking jobs. I wanted to put her right. Didn't. Silently seethed.
American relative put something about guns and their 'rights' and she also thinks abortion should be illegal and contraception should be charged for. Again, I silently seethed.
An ex work colleague put a racist joke up about female muslims. I did say something..quite restrained, but definitely said it was wrong.
When is it right to give your real opinion? If someone puts something political or controversial up on Facebook, is it fair game? Or is it best to leave well alone cos they're entitled to their stupid, crass, ill formed opinion?
AIBU to tell 'em what I think?

It depends. If they post their stupid views directly on your wall then hell mend them and let them have it.

If they're just generally airing an opinion, it depends on how much you value their friendship, how much you can actually be bothered. If they annoy you so much I'd save my energy and block them.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion, whether you agree with them or not. And just because you disagree with them, does not mean that they should change their way of thinking either. There really isnt a right or a wrong in an opinion.

You can put an opposing comment on by all means, but when things descend into facebook slanging matches, all involved look ridiculous.

This is why my friends list on there is dwindling. FB is showing the nastier hidden side to some people and its not nice to see. I just delete them or (if they are family - this means you Uncle!) I hide them. It depends whether you can be bothered with the inevitable drama or not with regard to commenting on their post.

So I think YABU to comment because its unlikely to change their opinion.

You'd not be unreasonable to challenge something you thought went beyond the pale, you can say what you want, of course you can.

But I'm torn between thinking that facebook wouldn't be my choice of medium to have deep and meaningful conversations about things like politics or religion, it's just too lighthearted for that isn't it?

But then, it's right in the centre of a lot of peoples lives and linked to their everyday interactions, perhaps that would be exactly the place to start changing the way some people see the world about them?

Not sure, it's banter on there mostly isn't it? But then some peoples idea of entertaining banter just shows them up to be the arse they are and you'd be doing them a favour telling them?

There really isnt a right or a wrong in an opinion

Really?
So if someone says that white people are cleverer than black people in their opinion it's ok to express that opinion?

I did this to a similar post, "i am sorry, wish you all the best but I think we should part ways as I find your views to offensive". He deleted me almost immediately.

I just delete people that do this. If they dare question me in person I'd just tell them, I can't handle your views on x. Noone has bothered yet, but then I'm out of the country (imagines acting brave and resolute in the face of a small gang of pitch-fork wielding racists greeting my return at the airport).

I recently did this. A friend who I was very close to years ago had been posting steadily more racist things for a few months. I figured that if these are the views she now has, I'm not going to want that friendship back anyway. So I posted and politely told her that I was really uncomfortable with her posts. Pretty much got told to jog on and I then deleted her. Tbh it's a relief, but I would have been annoyed with myself if I'd deleted her without saying anything.

What bothers me is that people post offensive opinions assuming everyone agrees with them. If no one tells them otherwise they'll have no reason not to believe it.

I'm wondering if people are more reluctant these days to voice an honest opinion? I've noticed more and more often recently that people, women in particular (cos we tend to be people pleasers more than men are) don't want to say what they think, scared to cause offense or to seem prickly. I mentioned the racist facebook comment to a friendly neighbour who I have coffee with from time to time and she wouldn't comment at all, just changed the subject (wasn't anyone she knows, she doesn't go on facebook).. I dunno, maybe she's a closet racist and that's why she didn't say anything. Or maybe I'm a gobshite and need to shut up!

weewifey never shut up. It's how things change.

I'm wondering if people are more reluctant these days to voice an honest opinion?

Yes they absolutely are.

There are no end of these threads about Facebook and racism/misogyny/whatever

Where people are bleating that they've read offensive things that have made them 'cry' or 'shake with rage'...yet ask them what they said to the offender and they'll say "Oooh no not me, I couldn't say a word as they're friends/family/wouldn't listen".

Well really they need to grow a spine/put up or shut up because there's no point at all in bumping your gums on MN about these things.

"AIBU to be pissed off at racist comments"? Come on ffs who is ever going to say "Yes you are"?

I agree babanouche.
But it seems that many people self censor 24/7. Either that, or they have no opinions. On anything. In fact, someone told me that once upon a time. An ex colleague. She said 'I don't have opinions, they cause trouble'.
Hmmmmmmm

How is that different to you having opinions but 'silently seething' instead of expressing them?

I've deleted several people, including a relative, over racist / sexist / homophobic remarks. Deleted one recently who made a comment about ''Spare the rod, ruin the child" when sharing a video of a woman loosing it on a train.

Everyone might have the right to voice their opinions, but thankfully we also have the right to choose not to hear them.

No wonder people don't want to say anything if you're toying with marking your neighbour down as a closet racist because she doesn't want to be drawn into talking about racist remarks on a website she doesn't go on with people she doesn't know.

That might sound a bit harsh against you, but it shows how easy it is to judge a whole person on so little evidence.

Worra, you've never met me. If you had, you'd realise that I do say what I think. Quite often. I'm selective with Facebook. An ex school friend racist can be deleted. I'd rather that than having a barney. But if it's someone I'm close to, I'll raise the issue with them, definitely. And if I'm in company and hear something I don't like, I speak up.

HillBilly if you can't add to constructive debate, why engage?

I always challenge. I'm pretty gobby in RL so people are used to it. Recently, one idiot spouting about Muslims, told him off. He finally stopped retaliating when everyone started liking my posts and not his. Boo hoo. Asked someone else to not use the word rape unless he was actually referring to rape. He apologised profusely.

And, I very gently told someone I know, who is about to become a father, that posting about smacking was not the most wonderful idea when he a) didn't actually have a child yet and b) was talking out of his arse. Particularly good that his DW turned up and thanked me for putting him straight since she hadn't seen what he'd posted and disagreed heartily. Poor man.

Worra, you've never met me. If you had, you'd realise that I do say what I think. Quite often. I'm selective with Facebook. An ex school friend racist can be deleted. I'd rather that than having a barney. But if it's someone I'm close to, I'll raise the issue with them, definitely. And if I'm in company and hear something I don't like, I speak up.

So why why ask "AIBU to tell someone what I think if they put something racist or something which I disagree strongly with on Facebook?"

I don't get it?