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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not find my hubby very funny?

19 replies

Joolsy · 02/03/2013 18:15

I seriously think I'm turning into a grumpy old cow. My OH is always trying to wind me up and constantly slaps my bum, comes up behind me & tickles me and also makes 'jokes' about the size of my bum (it's small but he pretends it's huge), my cooking, how much time I spend in bed (not enough in my opinion) and anything else he can think of. Normally I would laugh it off but it's all becoming so predictable I can almost say it before he does. I know it's all in good humour but it's just not funny! He tries to show off in front of my friends and they laugh at what he says but I honestly think they're just being polite. He's now telling me I should lighten up & have a sense of humour, which I have (somewhere).

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 02/03/2013 18:17

I really hate it when people think you haven't got a sense of humour just because you don't find them funny.

He doesn't sound funny to me. What's your family situation? Are you married? Do you have children together?

Cassarick · 02/03/2013 18:17

I had one like this. Used to laugh when I played the piano, cooked, hoovered, jokes. He also used to pretend to 'hump' me wherever I was and whatever I was doing.

I divorced him. He never did 'get it' !

targaryen24 · 02/03/2013 18:18

It's probably because it's put-down humour.
Always found that pretty un-funny & unoriginal to be honest.

Though making jokes about his fat arse & other personal things may level the ground, if you want to stoop

Original poster

Joolsy · 02/03/2013 18:18

We've been together for ages and have 2 dc's

OP posts:

Cailinsalach · 02/03/2013 18:19

Oh I think you may have married my ex.

I threw bricks at him. It didn't stop him, but it made me feel better.

HappyJustToBe · 02/03/2013 18:19

I really hate it when people think you haven't got a sense of humour just because you don't find them funny.

Ditto. He doesn't sound funny.

targaryen24 · 02/03/2013 18:21

banter. Definition -
A word used to cover up what would usually be classed as completely inappropriate behaviour, usually ends in on of the parties being irritated beyond comparison

That's an urban dictionary definition but it still stands

HecateWhoopass · 02/03/2013 18:54

Sounds closer to bullying that to joking.

Tell him that a joke is where everyone is laughing together and not where one person attempts to use another for everyone else to laugh at

And perhaps that you will begin to counter his 'jokes' with some of your own...

thixotropic · 02/03/2013 19:03

Someone close to me does this tsometimes. I find a well timed

'fuck off, cunt'

Cathartic and generally effective.

DonderandBlitzen · 02/03/2013 19:10

He sounds a bit of a twat. (Sorry.) Please just cook for you and the dcs and leave him to cook his own dinner. That might stop the jokes.
Then poke fun at the size of his dinkle. That might stop the bum jokes. Slap his arse etc etc.

maras2 · 02/03/2013 20:06

Has he got any real life friends to ' joke around with '. No? Thought not.What an unpleasant man.

Adversecamber · 02/03/2013 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KurriKurri · 02/03/2013 20:58

I think you should join in now you know the kind of humour he likes, make a joke in front of friends about the size of his knob, - don't forget to mention it is covered in weeping sores.

AgentZigzag · 02/03/2013 21:11

A couple of genuine banter jokes that you're both in on is what I would call the norm, but he's like got this whole routine going that centres around being at your expense.

You aren't turning into a grumpy old cow, you've got every right to say you find this act dull and repetitive, it must be fucking ground hog day listening to the same things every fucking day! I'd be bored to tears and couldn't find it in myself to be polite about it after so long.

And as for humiliating you in front of his friends, that's just so low.

Why do you think he doesn't believe you feel so strongly about it when you tell him? That says he's deluded himself into thinking that because he enjoys it so much that you must too?

However, is there the slightest possibility that he genuinely sees this as a bonding thing he has going with you? I can imagine how he could believe the 'shared jokes' you have say something about how close your relationship is.

How long has it been going on? Because if it's stepped up recently could that point to him being a bit insecure about you both and it's coming out by him going totally OTT with the idiot routine (that's a total guess and I've not seen anything in your OP which suggests this is the case).

coldcupoftea · 02/03/2013 21:29

Sounds like my DH- his defence is always that he can't help it, he just comes from a family where they all do it, which is actually true- I tell him that doesn't make it right and is the reason he is completely paranoid about his 'skinny' legs and refuses to wear shorts ever, thanks to years of 'banter'

I used to try and think of similar witty put downs but to be honest I can't be arsed and don't like that sort of humour. On the advice of MN I find either the classic 'did you mean to sound so rude?' or a sarcastic 'ah thanks, what a lovely thing to say to your wife' is starting to work- makes him realise what he's saying.

In most other ways he is perfectly nice, honest!

curryeater · 02/03/2013 21:36

I told my DP I didnt find certain things funny and I wanted him to stop making jokes about them. he did. have you tried this?

(it took me a while because, as coldcupoftea describes, some families make horrible teasing so much the norm that to admit to not liking it just invites further barrages of humiliation. As a teenager, my cousin suggested that I tell my dad that his teasing hurt me and I honestly had no clue what she was talking about or what it would achieve. So I was a late developer with all this. Better late than never)

Fairenuff · 02/03/2013 21:40

These are put-down jokes.

The only way to make him stop is to make him really understand that you don't like it. You could insist on attending counselling with him to discuss this problem. Drastic I know, but it might shock him into realising you are serious.

Alternatively go with the small knob jokes until he gets the message.

2rebecca · 02/03/2013 23:58

If he goes on about sense of humour crap I'd tell him that "funny" is when you laugh with someone, what he is doing is laughing at you and that is called bullying and if he keeps on being horrible the relationship is not going to last as you dislike it and find it upsetting.
If he told you certain behaviour upset him I presume you'd stop, the same should apply to him. make sure you tell him you find certain behaviour upsetting though, don't expect him to guess. You laughing it off in the past probably didn't help as he got the message you didn't mind. Make it clear you do mind and that it stops now.

OkayHazel · 03/03/2013 01:07

My boyfriend tried something similar on one occasion - I came back with a swift joke about 'its not mattering that his penis is so small, I like it anyway'.

No one calls my arse fat and gets away with it!

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