Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

I have just lost my temper with Dp because our Ds would not do his

21 replies

sonotpretty · 02/03/2013 15:05

Homework, have spent time trying to help our ds ,I sent so him to his room as he would not do it, and Dp decided that he would take him for a visit to see parents instead.

I lost my temper with Dp saying what are you teaching him?, have said to Dp he can do his homework with him now as I am not happy,its not my sons fault but I am so angry with Dp.

Feel like going out on family event without him tomorrow or aibu?.

OP posts:

MrsLouisTheroux · 02/03/2013 15:18

DP is unreasonable. He should support you and take DS AFTER he has done it.

MrsLouisTheroux · 02/03/2013 15:19

BTW, it is partly your DS's fault, he should do his bl*y HW when asked.

Original poster

sonotpretty · 02/03/2013 15:30

Yes I was cross with my ds as I asked him a few times and then sent him to his room,then dp just took him out .

Thank you Im so annoyed I have calmed down,but dp will be getting the silent treatment now especially as he is out tonight leaving me to it.

OP posts:

Bobyan · 02/03/2013 15:39

Why don't you go out now and not return in time for him to go out? Childish I know, but if he won't back you up why are you supporting him?

MajaBiene · 02/03/2013 15:41

How old is your DS?

Silent treatment is a bit pathetic tbh.

ClaimedByMe · 02/03/2013 15:43

How old is your DS?

TheSmallPrint · 02/03/2013 15:45

We have endless rows about homework, I hate it.

livinginwonderland · 02/03/2013 15:51

silent treatment won't help anything, just makes you look childish. calm down a bit, and then talk to your DP calmly and explain how you feel and how you'd like the problem treated in the future.

HDEE · 02/03/2013 15:53

Homework wars arent worth having a huge row about. Sometimes you all just need a time out. Try again tomorrow.

Original poster

sonotpretty · 02/03/2013 15:54

My ds is 7, Yes I know silent treatment is immature but I do not want to argue with him as he will drop ds of home then go straight out.

I have a family celebration to go to tomorrow, I have a dd who has a virus and I have been up with most of last night whilst he went out.

He wants to go out and watch football instead of coming to a family occasion tomorrow which is very special.

OP posts:

SashaSashays · 02/03/2013 15:54

How old is your DS, surely its his responsibility to do his homework?

DP should back you up but I can't really see why such a fuss is being made, you're probably just cross about your DS. Make him do his homework and get on well with your DP.

ChristmasJubilee · 02/03/2013 15:56

How old is your ds? Just leave the homework it's not for you to worry about it. Let ds know that you won't be having any more to do with it. He can explain to his teacher that he didn't want to do it!

jamdonut · 02/03/2013 16:04

7 ??

Good grief I thought you were talking about at least a secondary school age child!

Homework at that age is just not worth the hassle. He either does it or he doesn't - and then it's up to him to explain to his teacher why he chose not to do it, and accept any consequences/sanctions that goes with it

To be fair, the same goes for older children. I just don't believe in forcing it because it achieves nothing but resentment.Just put your point across about why it is important to do it, and then it's up to them . They soon discover what is more important in the end.

ClaimedByMe · 02/03/2013 17:01

At 7 a war about homework on the weekend is just not worth having, I would have been glad if dp took the child away to give us each some space to then try again when everyone is in a better frame of mind.

I have a reluctant homework doer and she either does it or she explains to the teacher herself why she hasnt done it.

LindyHemming · 02/03/2013 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cherriesarelovely · 02/03/2013 17:05

Claimed I must admit I think that is the best approach and one which I am adopting with my Dd.

Nanny0gg · 02/03/2013 17:38

Did you suggest to your DS that you could look at his homework with him, or was he just left to get on with it?

And you appear to have more than just homework issues with your DP.

wizzler · 02/03/2013 17:44

I think DP should not undermine you, but to be fair, DS is only 7 and taking him out was a good way to break the deadlock.
Why dont you explain to DS all the things you have planned and let him come up with a plan for when he could complete it

HecateWhoopass · 02/03/2013 18:32

I think perhaps you should allow the homework to go undone.

i say to my children that if they don't want to do it - don't do it. but i will tell the school that they refused to do it and they will take whatever punishment is given to them by the school. It's their choice. They're in secondary now and I still use this. Fine, don't do it, but you know what will happen.

They do it.

You can't stand over him forcing him to do his homework for the rest of his school days. It really is best to start early and make him understand that he has a choice - but his choice comes with consequences which you will not protect him from. That you will help him with his homework but if it is his choice to not do it, then he takes the detention (or whatever the school does)

ClaimedByMe · 02/03/2013 18:47

Btw it took me quite a long time to learn this, I thought it was me that was the problem but I have a younger dc and he does his homework fine.

MerryCouthyMows · 02/03/2013 21:03

I definitely agree that if he refuses to do his homework, HE should be made to explain to his teacher why he hasn't done it.

Just one thing though - the histrionics aren't his way of trying to disguise the fact that he is finding the homework is too difficult for him, is it? I had that issue with DD, and it was age 7 when her SEN became more apparent, because the gap between her and her peers suddenly widened massively, and the homework that was being set for the class was beyond her capabilities.

Just a thought...

Flip