To make an effort for my friend and not for Dp?

[ChipTheFish]

I am going out for lunch and then for a night out with my best friend tomorrow. She works abroad half the year and I don't get to see her much so I am really excited.

She always looks amazing and so well put together whereas I, by comparison, am a bit of a plain Jane. I've really enjoyed having a bit of a pamper day today in preparation. So far I've dyed my hair, put on a face mask, spent an inordinate amount of time glueing on nails, and I'm now carefully picking out an outfit for tomorrow.

Doing all this has got me thinking. I never put all this effort in to look good for DP, but whenever I have a girls night out I always make sure I'm looking good.

DP is a sweetheart and doesn't bother either way, but maybe I should try and keep this up throughout the year and not just for special occasions.

Does anybody else make extra effort to look good around their girlfriends but not so much around their DP's?

N.B -A nail has sprung loose while I've been typing this so maybe keeping it up all year isn't the best idea!

I think a lot of women dress for other women. Men generally just don't notice these subtleties!

I think that both men and women should make the effort to look nice for their partner. I don't mean that he should never see you without make up, but that more times than not, you should try to look nice and not be constantly in slobbing out clothes.

I think it's really easy to slide into doing the easy thing, but i want my dh to look at me and feel attraction, not look at me and wonder when Waynetta Slob moved in!

I think that men should be making an equal effort too, though, not just women. it's about not taking your relationship for granted and showing you still appreciate each other enough to put some work in.

It's nice your DH doesn't want you to look a certain way and is happy with the way you want to look, and it sounds like you're making the effort for yourself getting ready to go out with your friend.

If you don't normally do the whole shebang, instead of going to the extreme and doing it all the time perhaps you could do it every now and then? And again, you'd be doing it for yourself because doing all that stuff can make you feel good.

Do you get to go out with your DH a lot? Perhaps you could get something together more often if you don't?

I think it's more about the occasion / "do" you are going to, than who with.
Generally when I go out with dh, we would be going to a local pub for a meal, and would look a bit OTT if done up to the nines, but that's the same if I go out to lunch with my friend.
If I were going to a dressier part in the evening, or to a wedding or something, am too old for clubbing then I would dress up/make more of an effort, whether I was going with dh Or a friend.

I make an effort to look good on the surface for nights out, job interviews etc.

I make an effort to show respect and be courteous every day and night what with ds being 3 months old to dp.

I know which is both harder and more important!

AgentZigzig - We make sure we have a date night a few nights a week, so we do spend a lot of time together. It was making me laugh a wee bit sitting and getting all dolled up because it is reminicent of getting ready for a hot date, not going to see my friend! I agree with what you say about doing it every now and then, because I do actually like it when I put the effort in, I just can't be bothered to most of the time! I always wear make up and do my hair etc, but my friend always has lovely nails and accessories, lipstick etc. She's one of those people who always looks so polished :)

Karmabeliever You are right. When I was single I always made the effort with my appearance, but now I am in a secure long term relationship it has just fallen by the wayside a bit. March resolution is to get out the body butter and loofa more often :)

It doesn't have to be one or the other, though Pidjin. It is possible to be respectful and courteous and still look nice.

i agree alot of women, well most, dress for other women, to look good in their eyes

You're not doing to bad getting out every few weeks! I suppose it does seem a bit of a 'waste' if you go the whole hog with the nails/accessories if you're not bothered about them and neither is your DH. It's not as though you are going out Waynetta style if you're wearing make up and put a brush through your hair. I suppose it depends on whether you've got the obligatory fag hanging out of your gob

Your friend must put in a lot of time to keep it at that standard. Do you think she enjoys the process, or does she just do it because it's 'expected' of her now and she'd feel a bit naked or less confident without it as a mask? I know I wear make up (not a whole lot, but all the time) like that and would rather go out with a bag over my head than with no make up

Course not, but there's a difference between running the straighteners over my fringe and choosing a nice top vs full slap and a frock!

I misread your post OP, I thought you said you have a date night every few weeks, but you said a few nights a week, that would be more difficult to keep it up if you weren't really up for it in the first place.

Agreed. I'm not a full slap kind of woman - there are some things I do religiously, like shave my legs/pits, paint my toenails, wear perfume, moisturise. Mostly I wear a bit of make up, rather than the full works. But I think there are quite a few people out there who never do anything to look nice, either for themselves or their partner (men as well as women).

My husband and children are the only people who ever see me without make-up. I am not exactly a style guru, and I tend to just live in jeans and tunic tops, but I wear make-up like war paint to face the outside world in.

I think it's true that women dress mostly for other women. I certainly do.

I love that I don't have to make an effort for DH, but sometimes I do wish that he would actually notice when I buy "new" (usually charity shop) clothes or have gone to some trouble for him. The only time he has ever commented is when I bought a top that was skin-tight across my bust, and I took it back the next day because I felt so self-conscious in it.

Agentzigzag She just does it for her. She is the kind of woman who men fawn after and fall in love with because she's not interested in trying to impress anybody.

She is always late though. She has said we will meet at 3 tomorrow, but I'm going for 3:25 so I'm not sitting in the restaurant myself for ages waiting on her. :)