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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask about school run "dilemma"?

33 replies

CurtainsForNow · 01/03/2013 12:47

I realise this is very previous but for boring reasons I won?t go into, need to think about it now.

I currently do a school run share with 2 neighbours who have children in DS?s year. We do a third of the journeys each.

In September (barring an extremely unlikely combination of events that means she doesn?t get a place) DD will also be starting at this school.

DH points out that taking 4 children to school is no more difficult than taking 3 and there should be no problem with sticking to our current arrangement.

I slightly feel that as we have half the children perhaps we should offer do half the journeys?
And then I thought a good compromise might be that we split the week so we do 4 of the journeys and the other 2 families do 3 each, so we each have regular ?runs?.
(at the moment we have some regular runs and some we swap about a bit).

This is all assuming it would be ok with the other parents (who I haven't spoken to about this yet).

If you were one of the other parents what would you expect/want us to do?

OP posts:

Madmum24 · 01/03/2013 12:51

I wouldn't want it to get complicated so I'd leave it as it is.

wineandroses · 01/03/2013 12:51

Stick with one third each. It's not about number of children but about number of parents/drivers. If three of you are sharing it's appropriate to split it three ways.

BanjoPlayingTiger · 01/03/2013 12:53

I hate it when regular arrangements have to change for whatever reason. I'd leave it as it is. There are 3 drivers so you split it 3 ways, seems fair to me.

BerthaTheBogCleaner · 01/03/2013 12:54

Is it walking or by car? And is your dd nice and well-behaved and keeps up and doesn't whine and carries her own stuff (I'm thinking 5yo?). I'm just wondering whether 4 will be as easy as 3.

If I were one of the other parents I would expect you to offer to do more. And if I really felt that 4 would be as easy as 3, I'd refuse your offer. If you didn't offer though, I'd be (silently) miffed!

Jenny70 · 01/03/2013 12:55

Will your youngest starting change the dropoff routine at all? My reception DS we have to stay with them until they go in - whereas older children you don't. Might be difficult for other parents to stay with your youngest - in which case offering to more is fair.... but if no change in their timing etc, then I'd leave it how it is.

Pandemoniaa · 01/03/2013 12:56

If the arrangement suits everyone then I'd leave well alone. When I did a shared playgroup run I took 2 of my neighbour's dcs to my one. It never occurred to me that she should take a greater share of the driving.

Original poster

CurtainsForNow · 01/03/2013 12:57

To clarify ... the school run is sometimes driving, sometimes walking and sometimes cycling.

It's a junior school so DD is 7 (and probably less bother than DS). I'm not expecting the others to do more than drop and run (what we do currently).

OP posts:

Patchouli · 01/03/2013 13:00

Is your oldest big enough to sit in the front.
I wouldn't care about doing the same days or whatever, but I wouldn't want to be moving my child into a front seat to accommodate, if they weren't going to be safe, as it's a regular, daily journey.

steppemum · 01/03/2013 13:00

I think if it was me, I would like you to offer, in order to acknowledge that you now have more kids. But i wouldn't necessarily be bothered about it changing. So I would probably say it is fine, lets keep it as it is.

If it is primary, then I quite like to touch base with school, so wouldn't mind continuing to do third

Might depend on how the run fits around people's work etc

HorryDrelincourt · 01/03/2013 13:00

I suspect fixing days would be less confusing, and you are after all offering to do more runs, so it might well benefit all parties.

Doubletroublemummy2 · 01/03/2013 13:06

Might be an idea to discuss it but other moms I share "parenting" stuff with always split according to the number of mums ather than children. One mum only has 1 3 others have 3. As long as the mom to kid (sorry,.. parent but really?) ratio is safe then all is well. i wouldn't think they would have a problem, i certainly wouldn't

Original poster

CurtainsForNow · 01/03/2013 13:51

Hmm, mixed opinions then (like my own thoughts!).
patchouli - all 3 children are routinely put in the front seat, so guess that's a non issue for us (though I wouldn't like DD to go in the front, and might need to consider car seats with an extra child - hmmm)

OP posts:

WilsonFrickett · 01/03/2013 14:11

Car seats will likely be an issue - can everyone's car take three seats in the back? But apart from that, I wouldn't expect you to do extra journeys, no.

DeWe · 01/03/2013 14:16

If I was one of the other parents, it wouldn't occur to me to think that way. I think mentioning "dd will be starting in September, are you okay with her as well" would probably be nice.

If they say they're worried about having 4 children rather than three, then you may need to rethink it. If the others have younger ones they have to look after, and you now only have one school to deal with, I think it would be nice of you to offer to do half.

Scholes34 · 01/03/2013 14:46

With reasonable people you get to a stage where people do something because they can and not just because it's their turn or are owed something. As a reasonable person, I'm sure you'll check out with the other neighbours that they're happy for DD to come on board too. I can't see any reason why they'd feel the need to change arrangements. I'm sure you'll show your appreciation.

lljkk · 01/03/2013 14:51

Leave it as it is and be open-minded if others ask you to do more.

Saski · 01/03/2013 15:06

If I were one of the other parents in the carpool, my nose might be slightly out of joint if it weren't aknowledged that you have a disproportionate number of kids in the pool. I would probably offer some goodwill measure accordingly (wherever possible) like if someone were sick I would say, let me do it because it will make me feel better about the fact that you two have only one kid in the pool and I have two. But I can see there are sound arguments that it's no additional work, I probably just wouldn't feel comfortable doing a bit extra here and there.

drownangels · 01/03/2013 15:15

I'd leave it as it is tbh.

forevergreek · 01/03/2013 15:20

I would want it changed tbh if I was the other parent. I never let children in the front of the car, and would use full high back boosters with side support etc until they are 10/11 years really. So max that would fit in the car would be 3.

If they were walking it wouldn't be such an issue, maybe start after Xmas though so youngest is fully settled in first

Original poster

CurtainsForNow · 01/03/2013 16:03

forevergreek We all currently routinely let our children in the front of the car. So that's not an issue for us. With the children we currently take, 1 child doesn't use a car seat now and the other 2 just use boosters (and thinking about it may well be tall enough to do without by the time September comes round).
At the risk of starting an entirely unrelated discussion, I think it's pretty unusual to insist on high back boosters until 10/11.

OP posts:

forevergreek · 01/03/2013 17:23

Really? Well the law is until 12 or a certain height so most people should be using

Entirely up to you but I couldn't drive mine or any other child at an unnessesary risk. My youngest sister is 13, she has only stopped using the concord transformer xt around 18 months ago. She would still fit though, they go huge.

I may be swayed though, family of undertakers who unfortunatley see many children die early due to lack/ wrongly used car seats.

redskyatnight · 01/03/2013 17:28

The law is 135cm or age 12 IIRC. My DS is 8 and 133cm (and fairly in the middle height wise in his class) so I'd guess most children are tall enough well before 12.

He only uses a booster though (because he got too cramped in his high back booster seat) and I'd thought this was standard for this sort of age.

HorryDrelincourt · 01/03/2013 18:09

Checking red book, boys' 50th centile hits 135cm at about 9y4m, and at 12yo 98% of boys are at least 135cm. Going by centile lines, DS1 will be too tall for a high back before he is eight.

Given that boosters are dangerous if you don't need them (because of seatbelt placement) the height is more important than the age.

forevergreek · 01/03/2013 19:19

Agree, but I think people here are taking about 5,6,7 year olds

HorryDrelincourt · 01/03/2013 20:09

Indeed. But I'm not sure a HBB will be tall enough for my DS2 whose length is all in his body IYSWIM - so he could easily be too tall for the high back before he's tall enough not to use the booster. Certainly my currently-4yo is on quite a high setting, measured absolutely correctly.

::glares at DH who was 6'4" before he was ten stone::

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