To ask you all to tell me

[Cheeio26]

If you have any one sided friendships? Where you seem to make more of a contribution to the friendship than the other person? I have heard some of you say that you just continue with the friendship and some of you say that they friendship has ended. I would be very interested to hear your stories as I have been struggling with a friendship dilemma of my own.

I had a guy friend like this. In a nutshell: We met about 4 years ago, and hung out fairly regularly. Eventually we both got into serious relationships, so we hung out less but still made an effort...at first. But then one time he stood me up . He apologised. I continued to email him to say hello, even though his emails were sporadic, and try to make plans but he was usually too busy. Then he and his girlfriend bought a flat literally down the street from me and my boyfriend, which we all thought was great. In the end I had to literally invite myself over to the new place, as he never got beyond, "You should come over sometime." He said he would text me when he had got home from football so I could come over and see the flat. He never texted. At this point I decided to stop trying.

I just stopped contact. No need to fall out IMO. Boyfriend and I moved about 30min away. Guy friend did email a few months later, to say it's silly we live so close by but never see each other. I told him I'd moved, he was very surprised and said he'd love to come see our village. I said he was welcome to come for lunch on date. He said he was busy. I haven't heard from him since! That was about 6 months ago.

I do think it's a shame, we got on very well. But I wasn't going to waste my time trying to convince someone to spend time with me!

Yes and No. What I mean by that is I have friends who I contact and make arrangements with and we have a nice time. Generally they dont contact me first. They do however have large families and busy lives wheras I have one DC and not such a busy life. I therefore invite myself round because frankly if I didn't I would have little social life! Sometimes I doubt myself and think that maybe I shouldnt bother them but then I will arrange to pop round and find that they went out of there way to buy my favourite wine, or have baked a cake. I enjoy these casual friendships as much as the firm proper friends I have so I guess as long as the friendship you are having isnt detrimental to you - i.e. you are looking after their kids, driving them around everywhere, being used. Then stick with it - women are a bit crap at making friends so when you find one keep them!

My friendship with the person used to involve daily texts, barbecues, cinema/shopping/theatre. It is now down to two texts conversations a week where she always tries to turn the conversation to herself. If I do not text her back immediately I get - have I done something wrong. Are you ok etc. she was invited to our new house before Christmas, it's 5 minutes from hers. We still exchange gifts. After 3 failed shows its a little disappointing.

I have some where I try harder, and some where they try harder.

I'm more likely to put the effort into friends whose schedules match mine and might be available to spend time with me. I'm less likely to put the effort into friends whom I like, but don't see myself meeting up regularly or establishing closer contact with, e.g. if we don't have similar interests or live close by. And I'm sure it's the same for a lot of people. I don't really mind some people doing the same back either tbh.

Recognising that I too can be the person saying "yes we must meet up" while never intending to do it has made me realise that when other people say that to me it doesn't mean they have any malice aforethought, just that their lives are going different places for me to fit into right now but they still think of me kindly.