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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be considering gettng a large skip

26 replies

stormforce10 · 01/03/2013 10:22

I've had enough of the state of the house. Every which way I turn there is something in the way. The cellar is full of clutter. The loft is full of clutter. The ground floor is full of clutter. The top floor is full of clutter. I expect you get the idea. I'm sick to death of it. When we moved in the house was perfect. Then one of dp's relations downsized and he accepted piles and piles of stuff from them. DS was born and well mean relations gave us piles and piles of clothes and other baby stuff not to add the usual cot and prams. DD got laods and loads of toys for her last two birthdays. She loves craft and never tides up after herself. I'm not naturally tidy but the state of the house is really upsetting me.

No one will let get rid of everything (except ds who is too little to protest but my MOTHER keeps telling me to keep things in case my sister has a baby)

Feel like sobbing. I can not even walk across the sitting room, the spare room is full of STUFF, the linen cupboard is overflowing.

I take big bags to the charity shop every few weeks but it makes no difference.

I give up I just feel like getting a huge skip I don't know what to do :(

OP posts:

dothraki · 01/03/2013 10:26

get a small skip - and fill it - it the night all the things will get nicked magically disappear, then you can fill it again the next day

HazeltheMcWitch · 01/03/2013 10:27

Oh, poor you. I speak as a messy almost-hoarder, so I am possbly the enemy!

First things first, it's not jsut your problem, it is everyone's - others in the house, others who give things to you, others who insist you keep stuff... Could you let them know how you're feeling, and that things need to change and they need to be a part of it?

Eg I had to say to people - No More Stuff, as I was not on top of it at all. So don't bring me anything for the baby, don't bring me stuff from granny's house, other than the (tiny and sentimental) mementoes I have.

HazeltheMcWitch · 01/03/2013 10:28

You could also rope people in for a getting rid of things session? I find it much easier to get rid if I know things are going to a good home.

And I'd say to your mum that either she - or your sis - keeps the baby stuff, or it's going.

YellowDinosaur · 01/03/2013 10:38

I am a hoarder but what you describe is bringing me out in hives.

What you need to do is:

tell your Mum / sister that if they want your baby things for a potential niece / nephew that's fine but they need to collect the stuff this week or it goes to a charity shop.
tell your relatives who have downsized that you no longer have the space to store their stuff so you're giving them a fortnight to sort alternative storage or if they don't want their stuff anymore you'll get rid of it. You will help them to transport their stuff to the storage place (if you want)
tell anyone else who brings more stuff (politely) that you don't have room for any more things that aren't absolutely essential so thanks for their generosity but you'll decline this time.
offer your dd a small amount of weekly pocket money on the condition that she keeps her things tidy. This has worked wonders for our boys. We also offered them up to £10 each on the condition that they sorted through their toys before Christmas and chose some to give away to the charity shop - final amount was dependent on the amount of tat they were prepared to offload.
as an alternative if you can be arsed car boot the lot and make some money!

Its actually not helpful or generous for people to palm their old shite off onto you - i'm always concious of this when offering the boys old things to others. If they don't actually have any use for it then all their doing is treating you as the local rubbish dump!

issey6cats · 01/03/2013 10:38

the way to do it is a bit at a time, do your linen cupboard say one day reduce the linen down to three sets of bedding for each bed or cot one for wash, one for wear one for spare, take whatevers over to the charity shop, next day sort out childrens clothes and everything that is now too small once again bag up for charity shop or sell on ebay gumtree ebid, then next day tackle one corner of one room, throw out all junk get cheap storage boxes from somewhere like wilkos as even a stack of boxes in a corner will create space, each day your house will get a bit tidier and make it easier to feel good that you have acomplished something, spare prams go well on ebay,

Poppet48 · 01/03/2013 10:41

Tell your Mum that if your sister wants the stuff in your house she will have to take it.

Get a skip and have a good clear out, You will feel a lot better too once you have done that

YellowDinosaur · 01/03/2013 10:42

Or post on your local freecycle something like 'assorted baby stuff / toys / bric a brac (delete as appropriate) suitable for car booting' and you'll get bloody loads of takers...

DoubleMum · 01/03/2013 10:43

Skips are really expensive these days, but I do sympathise. My house was similar and I have massively decluttered in the last few months, and feel much better. If your mum wants your sister to have baby stuff can she keep it at her house?

HazeltheMcWitch · 01/03/2013 10:44

^ THIS!! This is so true.And I have been guilty of it in the past, as to me, it's not throwing things away, sending stuff to landfill, it's giving it a new home. Where as Yellow says, it's not a kindness at all, it's just shoving the problem onto someone else's plate. And it was recognising this, that helped me say no thanks to people, and not let new shite through my front door!

I still hate throwing stuff away however, so use a combo of charity shop / rag bin/local Age Concern Furniture depot / rag and bone man / freecycle to get rid of stuff I need to get rid of. And only take a very very small bit to landfill.

Herecomesbod · 01/03/2013 10:45

I completely get you stormforce and sympathise entirely. I have this, especially with DH. He will keep the empty boxes from new items (e.g. dvd player, slow cooker, etc.) and 'store' them in the loft, which is rapidly running out of available space. When questioned, he will say it's 'just in case'. Just in case what exactly? A nuclear war where we're all required to hide in our empty cardboard boxes in our lofts?

Sorry for hijack. Anyway, I am currently on ML so have made it my mission to sort the house out once and for all. I am doing a little bit each day. I can see some positive changes, but agree with Hazel that it's everyone's problem and they all need to be told what you're doing and why.

Also, I would tell your mum that you'll be happy to buy your sister's baby NEW stuff (when you know for sure your sister is having a baby), but until then you can't hang onto stuff for the sake of it. If you say you're giving the baby stuff to charity so that a family in need can make use of it, she might be happier that way.

Original poster

stormforce10 · 01/03/2013 10:58

Thank you. I'm so ashamed of the state of our house I'm afraid to have people over :( I have considred asking the OCD cleaners program to come in but I'd be too embarrassed to let the nation see the state of my home/

I have tried doing little bits at a time but it seems that as fast as I create a flat surface or a clear space dp or dd fill it up with STUFF. I do not know where it all comes from.

To make things worse DPs mum is moving soon and there are piles of things they cant bring themselves to part with. I'm dreading telling them it can't come here

Sister is in middle second course of IVF nuff said. (can't really ask her to have the stuff at her place and my mum has even less space than us but can understand why no one wants me to get rid of it)

I'm doing the 40 bags 40 days challange on good house keeping. Only on 4th day so its not really made the slightest difference yet.

DP likes to keep cardboard boxes too

arrrrrrg better stop typing get tidying if I can bear it

OP posts:

YellowDinosaur · 01/03/2013 11:09

Ok understand why it would be super tactless to make your sister take the baby stuff. But it shouldn't stop you from getting rid of all but the best stuff. After all if you offload onto her all the stuff that has been dumped onto you you are going to be guilty of using her as a dump just as everyone seems to be doing to you!

JennyPiccolo · 01/03/2013 11:34

Get the skip. GET THE SKIP.

littlewhitebag · 01/03/2013 11:36

I have done just that in the past - hired a skip - filled it up and i felt so much better having cleared the clutter from my life. Just do it!

TeWiSavesTheDay · 01/03/2013 11:40

Do your DP/DD recognize that there is a problem (how old is your DD?)?

It's not fair that it is all getting left to you, your DP at the very least needs to take responsibility. Have you asked him to help you with clearing a small area? If so how did he handle it?

PS GET A SKIP!! They're awesome.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 01/03/2013 11:41

I reckon if you can empty your attic out of empty boxes you'll probably have enough space for the basic baby bits (cot, highchair etc) and just the very nicest baby clothes. I'm sure after IVF your sister will enjoy buying things for herself, and probably won't want a whole complete set of stuff.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 01/03/2013 11:44

I'll start by confessing I too have things I no longer fit into that I keep 'just in case' I drop 2 sizes, I adore books and feel like I'm giving away my DCs if I get rid, I have old correspondence going back 30 years I keep safe (why??).

Have you looked into storage units your mum can pay for so you can keep the baby stuff elsewhere but available for DSis should she need it?

If DP's mum can't bear to part with her excess stuff TOUGH she has to find a place for it NOT in your home, sorry to shout.

I remember a thread not so long ago where kind MNers volunteered to help somebody desperate clean her home, if your problem is clutter I am sure you could enlist a friend and not feel embarrassed?

My DS keeps suggesting we get a skip prior to packing to move, he even suggested we each clear someone else's bedroom, .

JennyPiccolo · 01/03/2013 11:45

Agree r.e. keeping the nicest stuff. Loads of Dds stuff I've put away hasn't really survived the storage anyway. Keep it to a minimum, nobody wants fusty clothes that have been washed a gazillion times.

GrendelsMum · 01/03/2013 11:47

Do you have a friend who could help you? It's much, much easier to go through someone else's stuff than it is your own. I've done it for a couple of friends now and an unbiased eye is what you need.

ISeeSmallPeople · 01/03/2013 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HazeltheMcWitch · 01/03/2013 11:47

Don't do storage units. they are really really really expensive. Unless you're storing expensive stuff for a set amount of time (eg for 2 months, between houses), they are just not worth it.

The business model relies on the fact that it's the throwing out that's hard - both from a sentimentality POV, and also the sheer hassle of going through it all. So what started out as 'I'll store this for 3 months then sort it', stretches into infinity...

MummytoMog · 01/03/2013 11:50

I recently gave away our cot to someone who was really struggling for baby stuff, along with the baby car seat and some baby clothes. This is despite knowing that I want to have another baby at some point. Basically I kept tons of stuff from DD for DS, and hardly anything got used at all, because I wanted DS to have his 'own' stuff. I've only kept the truly beautiful or seriously sentimental (DS's baby quilt, DD's 'best' outfit from when she was tiny) and everything else has gone to friends, friends of friends or freecycle. I feel SO much better although I did cry a bit when I loaded the cot up into the car

LisaMed · 01/03/2013 11:57

You can cut the tape and keep cardboard boxes flat. You can also ask dp to realistically assess what he is going to use them for. Also point out where he can replace said cardboard boxes in any emergency. Shops, takeaways, supermarkets, work, friends etc. How about a fire hazard angle? Some fire services will do risk assessment (not fireman, civilian staff but trained) if you want to give dh a shock. Also good excuse to anyone leaving stuff at yours.

Also you may like to look at how much local storage facilities are charging do not use them and do not allow anyone in your home to use them but you can point them out to any family who are dumping on you how much it would cost for them to put it in storage and what sort of mates rates are they expecting. Because effectively you are paying rent/mortgage on your living space and so much of that space is taken up with STUFF that you are effectively paying part of your mortgage/rent just to house STUFF.

All dd's stuff goes in crates if she leaves it out then into her room? You could use some of dh's cardboard boxes for that. If she runs out of room then it is her problem to sort.

good luck - and hth.

specialsubject · 01/03/2013 12:09

your house, your choice what goes in it. All the baby stuff goes, if it is needed it is cheap on ebay. A large number of the toys go - charity, ebay, freecycle, whatever. Nothing needs to be dumped.

your daughter's craft stuff goes in one big plastic box, if she doesn't tidy up after herself the box is put away for a week.

take no prisoners!

Original poster

stormforce10 · 01/03/2013 12:22

I love the plastic crate for craft stuff idea. I will try it.

I've just filled one big blue ikea bag for charity and one bin bag with rubbish to go out with the next collection. House looks no better but logically it must have improved a bit surely?

Threw out the cards from dd's lsat birthday party. It hurt but what exactly do we need them for ???

OP posts:

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