To worry I just won't be able to cope ....

[underneaththewashingpile]

Hi, looking for some reassurance and practical ideas I guess..

Until recently-ish I've been a single mum to one almost teenage child. Fairly easy going, non stressful, relaxed life really. I worked full time but recently got made redundant, have been applying to jobs and expected to be back at work full time within next few months.

I do have a partner (not my child's bio dad) and he has two young pre-school age children from a previous relationship. For various reasons they have now both come to live with us permanantly.

Now, at the risk of sounding very Jeremy Kyle, I have just found out I am pregnant! Complete accident, we are happy of course as we always said we'd like a child but I'm so worried....

I just keep thinking how on Earth will I get out the house in the mornings with a baby and two under 5's? Someone with lots of young children please reassure me it's not so hard? I am very organised anyway, always get everything ready (clothes, lunches etc) the night before etc so I am hoping that will help. MY partner works full time and so although he helps lots when he is at home and weekends etc, early mornings, schools runs etc will be down to me.

My second worry is the house we live in is too small :( Currently there is now 2 adults, 1 almost teen and 2 pre school age kids living in our 2 bed house. It's quite big for a 2 bed to be fair, 2 large bedrooms and 2 bathrooms but it's still a squeeze, no second reception room or anything we could use as a 3rd bedroom. How will we fit an extra child in this house? :(

That leads on to my 3rd worry which is finances, we can't really afford to move to a bigger house. Well, we could now if I go back to work full time but I am not a high earner and childcare for a baby, 1 under 5 and 2 school age children (his eldest will be at school before the baby is born) will probably cost more than my entire monthly wage!

AIBU to think I won't cope, or do you think you cope because you have to and it all just works out and comes together?

Some reassurances from super mummies who have lots of young children and small houses would be fab.... :)

I always tend to lean towards the 'when the shit hits the fan, you find a way to cope' mentality, probably because I am far better in a crisis/drama than day to day organising. I KNOW I would find a way to cope, yet I can never think of actually finding pairs of socks for tomorrow morning in advance (Oh! I just did and a thought it will probably remain).

Is there anyway of looking for a small 3 bed house? Or maybe another 2 bed with extra reception room or an attic that could be easily converted? For example, our current house is 3 bed, but next door, same size is a two bed, they're both valued the same due to next door having a utily room and downstairs shower room.

I don't have lots of young children, but you do sound organised. You also don't have to find a solution INSTANTLY, but you can start looking at options...

Good luck! (And Happy New LIFE?) When life chucks you lemons, you can either wince at how bitter they are or make lemonade (or lemoncillo), I could go on with cliches (where there's a will there's a way) but you get my meaning, I honestly think that if you accept this as your life, and decide to make the best of it, you can use the skills you already possess to plan plan plan and find a really rather happy solution.

I agree with Aldiwhore. This could be the bond between your mixed families. If you weren't worried I would be more worried about you.

Thank you both! I think I am just a bit overwhelmed, we've gone from 1 child to 3 children quite recently and now we are about to have 4 children!

Aldi - I hope what you say is true for us, I hope we will just find a way to cope.

Jesse - :)

Aldiwhore....Sorry didn't respond to the moving house bit, it's a bit complicated. Our current house is a council house. We are not able to apply for a large council house as we "deliberately" made ourselves overcrowded when my partners 2 children came to live with us, although I can't see how that was any more deliberate than having 2 more children of our own, but that's the rules. So if we want a 3 bed house we have to rent privately and we can't afford to do that as it would be almost 3 times what our current council rent is.

Ah right, that does change things a bit, I don't know the 'rules' to be honest (we rent privately at a relatively good price, but nowhere near council rents) do the 'deliberately overcrowding' rules apply with swaps?

Plus, you're in a two bed now right, so would those rule still apply considering you need an extra room for your new baby?

I would speak to someone in the know!

I sincerely wish you the best of luck, and hope you find a way. Could you, in the meantime, invest in a bloody good sofa bed thus freeing up one room for the pre-schoolers? (or try freecycle?) Not a long term solution and would be logistically hard work... YANBU to be freaked out, agree with jesse it would be worrying if you weren't!

Thanks Aldi. Yes our current plan is to have a sofa bed in the lounge, let his two have our bedroom and keep our wardrobe etc in there still. It's big enough so not a problem.

If his two didn't live with us and it was just me, DP, my eldest and the new baby we would still only be able to have a 2 bedroom via the council until the youngest is 6, but I know different council have different rules.

I'm not sure if the rules still apply with regards to swaps, thanks for that I idea I'm guessing some people will be keen to downsize what with the new benefits changes happening soon and all. I will look into it tomorrow...x

Hi there.

First thing, congrats on your new baby!

I don't have very young children (7,11, 12) but there was a time when I had a newborn, a 4 and 5 yr old.

My oldest has ADHD, dyspraxia and mild autism diagnosed at 7yrs old. My life has always been hectic, especially at the beginning. When my youngest was 14mths I started full time uni to become a teacher and this was very hard. My lecturers were just waiting for me to fail. This made me more determined!

I have a small 3 bed house so a bit bigger than yours but the rooms are small. We all get along fine most of the time but sometimes it is a nightmare!

I will not lie and say that things are easy to start with when you have lots of youngsters but you can cope! You need to prioritise and decide what is really important. My house is a tip most of the time but I can clean up at the weekends and holidays. Dust and dog hair are not really a big issue!

I love being busy, but I also love relaxing so when you get the chance, do it! If you are already organised, then things will be much easier. I am one of the most disorganised people you will ever meet but I get by.

At the moment, I get all kids ready to leave the house by 8am everyday. I get the older ones to help out as the younger one is 'challenging!' Everyday after school is different as older ones are from first marriage and are either at dad's or clubs. A diary is must!!

I know my situation is a bit different from yours and I am rambling on a bit now, but if you learn to enjoy your situation and don't strive for perfection, concentrate on the important things and ignore the unimportant, then life can be great!!

Good luck!! You will be great!!