to be utterly disgusted with the father on Child of our Time?

[Bogeyface]

Who "had a phobia of needles" so he fucked off the Scotland and eventually shagged someone else because he "couldnt deal with it". Thereby, making his affair, him breaking up the family and breaking his wife and his childs heart, the fault of his child who got diabetes.

Even as he was speaking I thought "YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!!! Even after all this time you are making excuses!"

"Looking back, possibly it wasnt the best thing to do"

Oh, you think?!

Slightly off topic, but have they shown that boy James, his mum was called Carol? I always remember them and wondered where they are?

Butting here in defence of the mother - although I haven't seen the show, a few posters on here are saying she should have kept the truth from her children.

I know from experience this is a huge mistake. My dad had an affair and my parents marriage ended when I was 7. In an attempt to protect me and my DSMs my parents did not tell us about the ow, just that daddy had gone to live somewhere else, that he still loved us all, but that's how it was now.

I couldn't understand, and eventually in my own funny logic decided I must have been naughty for him to have gone away. I stopped speaking completely for months in the fear that I would drive someone else away too, as I couldn't work out what must have been said.

Eventually, a teacher at school intervened, and asked my mum (gently) what had we been told about the divorce. She advised my mum to carefully tell me the truth. I wept for hours when mum told me dad loved another woman and was leaving to be married to her instead. I could make sense of that and didn't have to make stuff up in my head. I was speaking again, tentatively, in a few days.

Children can handle the truth, carefully phrased of course (daddy's been shagging some slut is probably not advisable language lol) but kids pick up every little thing, they will have seen her upset, kids at school can say things like did your dad have an affair etc. Best to be carefully honest ime.

Ps I haven't seen the show but he sounds like a right coward.

Dsm's? Dsis that should say. Sorry!

He came across as a feckless twat who put his own thoughts and feelings way above those of his wife and children. And now everyone outside of the immediate family and friends know what a twat he has been.

I felt sorry for the mother as she had clearly struggled for a long time and it was probably the final straw when he had the affair.

Watched the programme tonight with hubby, both got the impression that the shit hit the fan because of the dads needle phobia and his inability to cope with his sons diabetes...tbh, if it was my kid i would hope hubby would walk over hot coals to just fucking get on with it, as I would do.

it's heartbreaking what some children have to put up with in their lives at times, and they seem to deal with having to adapt to situations not of their making with a damn sight more strength than many adults who have the choice to do a runner when things get tough.

I think this programme is amazing, and the thought crossed my mind tonight that I don't know how well I would appear as a parent in a tiny snapshot as I'm sure my parenting might not suit everyone else, we're all doing the best we can I guess, sometimes we get it right, sometimes it's just not enough, and only time will tell.

Posted too soon.. What I meant to say was:

If you believe that the intricacies of this couple's marital break-up was covered by a 90second monologue on TV. This is a programme about children. The intimate details of the parent's life is only relevant to the editor insofar as it is relevant to the child.

The actual relationship of the parents is not covered.

That boy was such a cutie pie. So sad when he said that he just wanted everyone to be happy. Just thought get over it and grow up when the dad was banging on about being scared of needles!

Yes but there were plenty of other parents in the programme who had split up (these things happen) and none of them came across as self-serving arseholes.

I fully agree with you, you are not being unreasonable. He is a silly selfish twit! and I do get really cross with people with young children who cause their relationship to fail. I know it's not always that simple but still,... grrr poor kids

telling your ten year old that their father is having an affair is nothing more than using your children as pawns to vent your anger and is despicable. I don't care how much she was hurting - two wrongs don't make a right. Obviously if the father has left for the ow then this is a different issue as the children will become a part of her life etc but this doesn't sound like it was the case here.

As for the relationship breaking down, it's worth bearing in mind that where a child has a disability or serious illness the instance of divorce is much much higher than is the norm, about 85% iirc, so while it's easy to look in from the outside and judge, it's obviously a far more common and complicated issue than we (who know nothing) realize.

Also, anyone remember the boy from a few years back who was sent away to boarding school on some kind of choral scollarship? The parents were absolutely slaughtered on here in threads that ran and ran for weeks. The mum eventually came on to one of the threads and said she had made formal complaints against the makers of the programme for the way in which they had entirely misrepresented the situation.

What we see on these programmes is heavily edited snapshots.

I knew what this thread would be - maybe he's just trying to find an excuse - maybe he found ftaherhood/marriage/having a sick child so stressful he buggered off cos he was selfish and thought the "needle phobia" thing would earn him some sympathy, make it not his fault??

he needed to man up and support his wife and child
DH is squeamish - did not stop him seeing me through a very tricky labour, with blood everywhere, needing dozens of stiches and a blood transfusion!

DD1 was a millenium baby, so we have watched this series to see how her peers grow up - very sad so many are now from broken homes and I cried for Eve whose mum died :(

count your blessings each and every day folks!

sasha I was wondering that myself

telling your ten year old that their father is having an affair is nothing more than using your children as pawns to vent your anger and is despicable. I don't care how much she was hurting - two wrongs don't make a right - eh wannabe??

should she NOT have told the child then? or lied, made him wonder why his dad had gone? children deserve to be told thr truth, however hard it is always better than lies

sorry if I have misunderstood what you were saying

BelleEtLaBaby Thanks for sharing your story. It has made me think that hiding things to protect children can backfire badly.

I think a version of the truth can mainly be a good thing. Kids very often blame themselves when parents split up. I know my dd did when me and her dad split. I did put her right about it though.

He had a phobia of needles. He couldn't cope. Yes he went about it the wrong way but sometimes just getting the heck out works best.

Some people on here can't even go past people smoking outside a hospital without becoming ill so a bit of empathy for a needle phobia shouldn't go amiss.

so how much of the truth should the mother have told him then? "your dad couldn't cope with your condition which is why he worked away for four years," would people have been saying that was ok? no didn't think so. The affair was a catelist, clearly there were issues in the relationship before that happened whether they were entirely down to the father or not we don't actually know. Telling the child about the affair is IMO about the mother wanting to tell the child only the bits which gave her reason for anger, which is why it is wrong - it's about the mother and her anger not about the child here.

No-one said the father had just gone. It doesn't appear he went to live with the ow so what benefit does it serve telling the child?

The parent's relationship ended because of the parents.

But this is not a show about the parents. It is a TV show about the children. So the issues that they had isn't seen as relevant to the show. All that matters is the effect of and on the children. So only that info will be broadcast.

I would hazard an educated guess that the interview with each parent took a number if hours. 3, maybe 4 minutes of each interview was shown. As far as marriage breakdown goes, that amount of time won't even scratch the surface.

And let's not forget that there is a young boy who has friends and goes to school and is still trying to work things out regarding himself and his parents here. The OP is nasty, ignorant and deeply insensitive to him.

Nobody stick needles in the Dad, nor expected him to deal with his ds's treatment. It's not like needles are needed every five minutes.

I know someone whose child developed diabetes at four. A 'friend' told them she didn't know how they could stick needles into their daughter every day! Some people just don't grow up.

Eve and her Dad had both me and DH blubbing, such a sad situation and yet she was so lovely and mature. Her Dad should be really proud of her.

telling your ten year old that their father is having an affair is nothing more than using your children as pawns to vent your anger and is despicable.

How fucking dare you say that? You have no idea about the details of other peoples relationships, what drives many of the choices they make and what decisions are suitable for a family.

In the way you appear to think it totally reasonable to reach such judgmental and offensive conclusions about other people trying to do the best for their children, whereas I feel extremely strongly that it is totally unreasonable, how can we decided whats wrong or right. I'm sure we could sit here and argue about it in a very lengthly way but what suits you will still suit you and whats works for me will still work for me.

We can't all live int he same way please stop being such a rude arsehole and know that I have never used my child as a pawn.

a bit of empathy for a needle phobia shouldn't go amiss.

I developed a phobia of drips and blood tests (not injections for some reason) when I had DC4. No idea why apart from a difficult blood test that caused me to faint. But if I needed to take blood from my own child then would it be ok for me to say "oh no, I dont care if it will save her life, I have a phobia so I am not going to do it"? No, it wouldnt and I would do it no matter what it did to me. He is a selfish coward. He admitted it all, there was no "editting" involved when he said exactly what he did and yet still tried to excuse it.

The OP is nasty, ignorant and deeply insensitive to him.
How exactly? By being utterly disgusted at the way his father tried to use him as an excuse to leave his marriage?

I think what bothered me was the fact that he said "Dad had an affair" He didnt say that dad fell in love with someone else, or that dad had a new GF, but "an affair". No child of 12 should know what an affair is and that leads me to believe that the adults havent explained it to him in an age appropriate way.

Bogey you think that *no editing was inv