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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with the mum of DD's 'friend'?

30 replies

MatchsticksForMyEyes · 28/02/2013 20:22

DD is 5. She has a friend with whom she sometimes squabbles, like they all do. Had a text from friend's mum asking if I could ask DD about a mark on her DD's coat.
Asked DD and she said her whiteboard pen had been sticking out and caught friend's coat. Replied as such.
Got a massive text back implying my DD had done it through spite after not being invited to a playdate and it wasn't the first time she'd been destructive as she'd broken the top of her friend's water bottle.
I replied saying since neither of us was there, we couldn't really comment and that I would pay for the coat if the mark didn't come out.
Further response saying that isn't the point, she's fuming, DD is spiteful. Left it by reiterating about paying if it doesn't wash out.
AIBU to think a) you shouldn't get into arguments over stuff you didn't see happen when you only have your own child's version of events to go on and b) you don't send a 5yr old to school in a white coat?

OP posts:
simpson · 28/02/2013 20:24

I would be pissed off too.

IMO anything should be sorted out via the school (ie the teacher) to stop any nastiness etc...

Acinonyx · 28/02/2013 20:25

That mother is going to have a long rough road through the school years at this rate!

Original poster
MatchsticksForMyEyes · 28/02/2013 20:26

That's what I thought. I teach too and have seen all this kind of thing before. I just think to get this involved over something like this doesn't bode well for the teen years...

OP posts:
simpson · 28/02/2013 20:27

Oops just realised I did not make my post clear Blush

I meant that I would be pissed off if I were you not if I were her she is going about this the wrong way (and you don't take the word of a 5 yr old before finding out more info before going on the attack).

YouTheCat · 28/02/2013 20:27

YANBU and who would put a 5 year old in a white coat at school? Recipe for disaster.

Withdraw your kind offer to pay for the coat.

PurpleBlossom · 28/02/2013 20:30

She is over-reacting big time. It's school, these things happen. I think you we're very nice to offer to pay OP.

Just tell her you would prefer to sort any future incidents out via the school, so you can get the facts.

Original poster
MatchsticksForMyEyes · 28/02/2013 20:30

If it was a whiteboard marker I think they are water based anyway, so it might come out. I think she might have a screw loose. She also told me a few weeks back that I should discipline my 2yr old ds for stripping his clothes off all the time! Hmm

OP posts:
INeverSaidThat · 28/02/2013 20:32

Wow, YANBU.....In fact you are being exceedingly reasonable.

I would not worry about it and I would ignore any more texts.

prettywhiteguitar · 28/02/2013 20:32

You definitely cannot believe what a five year old says ! She is reading into it too much

simpson · 28/02/2013 20:35

I have kind of been in the same situation when DS was in yr 1 (he is in yr3 now).

For 3 days in a row he came home with a black mark about 2inches long across the back of his school white shirt (it was summer so he had taken his jumper off) so 3 shirts were marked which wouldn't come out.

DS said the boy sitting behind him did it deliberately but no way would I text the mum, I just mentioned it to the TA at the door at drop off time (but did not say DS said it was deliberate as I did not know for sure) and they sorted it.

elfycat · 28/02/2013 20:36

Oh do let me know if disciplining a 2 year old works. DD2 keeps stripping in the night, including nappy and waking up soaked!

She sounds very odd. Go through the school for any complaints. She clearly has a pfb who is perfect, a result of her parenting, which is why she gets to criticise your DC. I'd have had words over unsolicited advice...

Original poster
MatchsticksForMyEyes · 28/02/2013 20:44

I think I just laughed and said it was hardly naughty. Her dd is an only child, 'her princess'. Vom.

OP posts:
sue52 · 28/02/2013 20:44

You have been more than generous in offering to payt for a new coat. I would say to the other Mother that this is a one off payment to show good will and any further accusations she makes will have to be backed up by an independent adult witness.

Have a word with the school as I'm sure they must be used to dealing with difficult parents who have such perfect children.

simplesusan · 28/02/2013 20:57

I think she should have spoken to the teacher about it rather than text you.
I would try and keep a safe distance from her as she sounds as if her daughter will never be the villain of the piece.

pregnantpause · 28/02/2013 20:58

My five year old explained to me how a girl in school had hit her. At one point in the story the girl and dd were in a cave, fighting against a waterfall to get out and catch a sheep. Either the school are involved in more interesting school trips than I ever experienced, or she's, er, exaggeratingGrin

Do not trust the word of a five year old! NutterSmile

Coconutty · 28/02/2013 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Imaginethat · 28/02/2013 21:01

I would be steering clear of her, no more playdates. You don't need nutters like this in your life.

MrsMushroom · 28/02/2013 21:07

I agree...encourage DD in another direction friendship-wise.

Original poster
MatchsticksForMyEyes · 28/02/2013 21:08

I have told DD to play with other kids, but she seems to be drawn to these two. I hope they are split up next year. I must try and organise playdates with some other kids.

OP posts:
MusicalEndorphins · 28/02/2013 21:08

The mother should be mollified by you graciously accepting responsibility and offering to pay for damages. As you said, neither of you were there, and kids often report an accident as on purpose, or simply word it wrong.
I thought my son was beat up once when he was 6, and stormed over to the school to get to the bottom on it. Ds had a small welt beside his eye which I had asked about, and Ds had told me X had been fighting him, and his eye got hurt. Only to find out from X and DS that they had been play fighting, and X's coat zipper had hit ds in the face, complete accident. Blush X and ds ended up best friends for 15 years afterward.

Jinsei · 28/02/2013 21:09

Grin pregnantpause

OP, YANBU. She sounds awful. Ignore!!

oldraver · 28/02/2013 21:20

She should of gone through the school...mad woman as she will have loads of non issues like this over the years.

Oh and if they are like DS's white board markers they WONT come out

Original poster
MatchsticksForMyEyes · 28/02/2013 21:23

Oh joy. Just what I need then. Forking out for another child's coat! Won't be doing so again.

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 28/02/2013 21:26

Damn Coconutty beat me to it!

Big fat Fuck Off is what she'd get from me for that.

AmberLeaf · 28/02/2013 21:27

...and I wouldn't pay for the coat either. school coats should be a colour that pen doesn't show up on anyway.

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