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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why restaurants get their staff to ask how your meal is

53 replies

laptopdancer · 28/02/2013 19:41

When they don't appear to prepare them for any response other than "fine thanks"?
I was at a pub restaurant tonight and the girl who served us asked, whist scooting past, "are your meals ok?". I had a query and had to call her back as she was literally across the room before she had finished the sentence.
She had no idea what to say to me and was even a little defensive.

Why do places do this when they arent prepared for people to answer that the meal isn't great?

OP posts:

FamiliesShareGerms · 28/02/2013 20:19

I don't mind being asked how my food is, but I do mind:

if they don't know what to do if you mention something not so great (worst example was the waiter who smiled and nodded and walked off when we said that something was actually awful - I'm not sure his English extended beyond "how's the food", so it was unfair to give him a job where he needed to converse with people)
if they ask you before you've had a chance to actually eat anything
if I'm asked half a dozen times
if I'm interrupted mid conversation
when people I'm dining with grumble about their food but smile and say everything's fine when actually asked how things are

MarmaladeTwatkins · 28/02/2013 20:20

I HATE this.

If there was a problem with my food, I am quite capable of getting the attention of a staff member and asking for it to be rectified. They always ask you when you're chewing a mouthful of food or they interrupt your conversation.

It's annoying. Stop it.

Original poster

laptopdancer · 28/02/2013 20:20

Perfect list familiessharegerms...YY to all

OP posts:

ratbagcatbag · 28/02/2013 20:21

Hmmmm, to be fair, if the food is nice I say so, the other day we went to an Indian where we've been several times and the food is lovely, I always have the same, lamb tikka masala, typically on this occasion the lamb was really fatty, never had that before, when asked, I said so, they offered to do me something different, but as I never eat a full curry I declined, I just wanted them to know. They knocked me the price of the meal off at the end, apologised and said that if they weren't aware they couldn't fix it, was very impressed.

Annunziata · 28/02/2013 20:21

Junior members of staff come and fetch me/ the duty manager to speak to the customer. My seniors are expected to listen to the complaint, offer either a refund, other dish, take an item off the bill according to the complaint. Then they come and speak to me/duty manager and we'll see where we went wrong and try and address it.

HecateWhoopass · 28/02/2013 20:22

GrendelsMum - what happened? I get the feeling there's a story of an irate chef there

FaceLikeAPickledOnion · 28/02/2013 20:22

I'm a waitress and check backs are a part of my job, a part I hate most! Not because of the responses I get, but I feel awkward interrupting people eating. I can tell it pisses people off, but I have to do it

StuntGirl · 28/02/2013 20:23

It's so they can resolve a problem if there is one before you leave.

Goober · 28/02/2013 20:24

And why do these people call us GUYS?
I hate that.

MarmaladeTwatkins · 28/02/2013 20:25

Oh yeah, guys.

I take it you DON'T want a tip, then?

Goober · 28/02/2013 20:26

"Are YOU GUYS ready to order?

khaleesidragon · 28/02/2013 20:27

So that a customer doesn't complain when they've finished their meal and the restaurant can sort out any problems sooner rather than later to save refunding.

AnnaRack · 28/02/2013 20:36

It has to be properly timed. Too early and you dont know if your meal is ok or not. Too late and you've either complained already or eaten it.
Bit of an aside, but why does the cutlery at Brewers Fayre come in a pot? Why dont they lay each person's place setting? Puzzled by this!

boxoftricks · 28/02/2013 20:57

If 10 tables had a problem with their food, and they werent given the opportunity to complain, I can guarantee 8 of those tables would just suck it up, and leave, then give bad feed back to their friends. Not everyone is as confident to 'grab someone and complain' people don't. Unless prompted most of the time.
Maybe you're going to the wrong places if you get constantly interrupted! Like I said there should be a system in place.
A 'blind check' gets carried out about 2 minutes into your meal, this means just looking at your table, from a distance. Are the people eating their food? Or are they sat looking at it like there is a problem?
Then a check back is carried out, should be about 6/7 minutes into the meal/ or when about a third has been eaten, whichever is more relevant.

I empower my staff to deal with complaints. People are ACTUALLY GIVING ME THEIR MONEY, actual money, and I want to make sure they have a good time..not an ok time. But then I pay my staff a living wage and they make amazing tips on top of it. They ENJOY coming to work, they are PROUD and KNOWLEDGEABLE about the food and drink they serve. They can match beer and wine to food, they can tell you what is gluten free, where the meat is from, and what salsify is, or how celeriac is prepared.

The staff make a decent pub/restaurant, and I refuse to believe that the majority of my diners would prefer to be left alone, rather than the 20 seconds of interaction, checking their food, topping up their wine, a cheeky joke with the children.

Primadonnagirl · 28/02/2013 21:00

I have posted on various threads about my hatred of the word "guys" ..and got some stick for it I might add..but picture the scene.. I'm early 40s and took my 76 year old mother out or lunch at a top end restaurant for her birthday. She was all dressed up and excited but completely bemused by the fact that the waiter referred to us as "guys " throughout . Now I have the utmost respect for waiting staff ..I don't want bowing and scraping ..but come on a bit of respect or a paying customer is not unreasonable .I hate this habit

and don't even get me started on M and S policy of getting staff to apologise or keeping you waiting ...even when you havent

Annunziata · 28/02/2013 21:07

Guys is awful, so unprofessional.

Many people do want to be left alone, though boxoftricks, and a good waiter has to judge the situation and recognise that.

LadyMetroland · 28/02/2013 21:07

Most people find it irritating imo.

Would far rather be left alone.

MortifiedAdams · 28/02/2013 21:11

I take room service orders and do a ring back to check satisfaction. im actively looking for criticism (thoigh ofcourse love praise too), as its all too easy to send tge food uo and forget about it.

boxoftricks · 28/02/2013 21:22

Good job I only employ good staff then... Isn't it! I would however rather on the off chance 'offend' someone momentarily by interrupting them to check how their food was, than to miss a possible complaint.

Sallystyle · 28/02/2013 21:36

I get really pissed off about this, irrationally so.

If there is something wrong with my meal I will tell you. I hate having to swallow what I am eating to tell you my meal is fine and half the time I get two members of staff asking me because they don't realise I have already been asked.

I go to a pub for a meal every saturday, we are regulars and well known. They know how much I love the food and have complimented on it loads. I don't need to keep being asked as I am friendly enough with them all to tell them if something is wrong.

My husband doesn't get my hate for this, he thinks it is nice they ask but I want to stab them with a fork. However, the food is out of this world so I put up with it ;)

boxoftricks · 28/02/2013 21:45

If there is something wrong with my meal I will tell you.
The majority of people WONT tell you that there is a problem, unless asked

I hate having to swallow what I am eating to tell you my meal is fine
A good waiter should time it well

and half the time I get two members of staff asking me because they don't realise I have already been asked.
if service is well run, there should be a system in place so EVERYONE knows

You can't honestly please every customer. They moan when you ask them how their food is, they moan if you don't ask how their food was.

LessMissAbs · 28/02/2013 22:22

I want to have a relaxing meal though, not to participate in some kind of feedback session.

Last meal I had was an Indian. I had a chicken Korma. I did not have a starter or a pudding. Just a chicken Korma. I was with 2 female friends, and we were having quite a complicated conversation. 5 times during that chicken Korma I was interupted, in the middle of speaking, to be asked how my meal was. Obviously a chicken Korma cannot change that much during the eating of it, and it was fine, but the constant interupting was so unsetlling that I won't go there again.

The previous meal I had was in a classy pub restaurant with a great reputation. The meal was great, but I was still interupted 4 times during my main course to be asked how my meal was and if everything was ok.

3 times I was asked the same question during a meal at a local top class hotel restuarant. The meal was fantastic, but the constant interupting of our intimate dinner was not - it totally spoilt not only our conversation but the romanticism. Or when the maitre'd is keeping an eye on his diners, not interupting them with constant questions, but comes over quickly when you alert his attention having noticed you not enjoying your food. Happened to me at Harvey Nicols, I didn't like the lamb, let it be known discretely and was offered the choice of any other main. And then not charged for a main at all at the end! Much better way of dealing with the issue. I was so impressed, I've gone back often4

The only time I don't mind being asked how my meal was is at the end, when I am about to leave or having coffee. Then it seems polite. Like at Andrew Fairlie at Gleneagles. If there is a problem which due to the obvious fear on restauranter's parts that their diners are incapable of speaking for themselves, it can be negotiated and taken off the bill. Not that that would ever be necessary at Andrew Fairlie.

mrscumberbatch · 28/02/2013 22:25

A lot of the local places that we go to do this and on the whole it's fine. It's a chance to order another round of drinks or another fork or whatever....

Down to sheer bad timing they always seem to ask JUST as I've taken a bite out of something. And so they get the nod nod, thumbs up, masticating face.

It's a bit mortifying.

BelleEtLaBaby · 28/02/2013 22:45

I waited tables for years as a student (and quite a while after). I was proud of my ability to judge a table and the level of interaction from me they liked. A really good waiter will be able to make themselves available in such a way that they are on hand if there is a problem, and can judge a good moment to approach a table if they think something is wrong. Blind check backs are often enough, although if I could see an issue, or hear one (bat hearing makes a good waiter), I was also proud of my ability to approach in a way that didn't feel pushy.

When I worked in chain restaurants (pizza express, ASK, cafe rouge and pizza hut variously over the years) check back were part of sales policy and mystery diner checks which were random and anonymous. Often, the restaurants, managers and sometimes the waiters earned bonuses or penalties depending on the results of mystery diner scoring, which always included at least one if not two check backs to a table. One chain insisted I check back three times and upsell an item each time (salad, drinks, dessert, bottled water etc etc). Often it's a corporate, sales based reason at the bigger chains. There was pressure from the floor managers to check you were doing check backs and to push you into doing them. One manager insisted on doing them himself as well as my check backs, and I could see it irritating customers. I hated it.

Ime, after a while you can spot a mystery diner a mile off anyway. They will always order a drink then look at the menu, it will usually be wine so they can make sure you are up selling mineral water, they will always order a starter, and they will always ask you a question when ordering. They look at their watch a lot to time you, and will usually make more than one trip to the loo (to write notes lol). If someone missed one of these things and I knew they weren't a md, I relaxed and used my judgement, but if there were managers on the floor they would check and make sure you were doing all the steps. I hated it, and felt it was bad service.

EllenParsons · 28/02/2013 23:08

Belle, I am a mystery shopper and it unnerves me how easily the staff can tell even though I don't do anything to give it away! The other day in a cafe the staff somehow just knew I was mystery shopping and gave me free chocolate to try to win me over My friend was with me and said I definitely hadn't done anything unusual so no idea how they knew. On some jobs it's a dead give away that I have to look at the time at certain moments. Or they know when you ask for a receipt at a place where you normally wouldn't need one. And yeah most of the time a check back and 'is your meal okay?' is something I have to check for in the service.

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