To ask SAHMs and people on mat leave what you 'do' day to day? Particularly those with toddlers.

[mylittlepuds]

I'm on mat leave for a year, have a toddler and another on the way - but only usually work two days when not on leave.

Today I've taken DS to a group, we've had lunch and this afternoon I've cleaned a bit, read some books to DS and erm not a lot else really.

Yes we could have gone out this afternoon but I find it hard to get everything sorted - and then when I do we go to a group and it's pretty crap to be fair.

I ADORE DS. He is absolutely the light of our lives. But I do feel I am slowly going mental. I have interests such as writing and crafts but DS will climb on knee if I were to try doing some of a day rather than an evening - he's playing with my necklace now and prodding my face making typing this rather difficult!

Am I getting this mum thing all wrong?

Thanks Athing! You've given me hope! I really kind of hope it does kind of make me so busy I can't dwell on things like I do now.

Breakfast
Bit of TV while I get up and dressed
Morning toddler groups
Lunch
Nap time
Afternoon park, playdate, swimming
I make dinner while DS plays by himself
TV
Bath
Bed

Curious, your life sounds lovely!

We live in a city, I have a preschooler and a baby. Generally we go home after preschool pick up, have lunch, some cbeebies, then head out to library/cafe to meet friends/park/shops/botanical gardens/general wandering around!

Then back for pottering and making dinner. Sometimes we have lunch out, am going to start doing picnics. I used to go to lots of toddler groups before DS was in preschool, but baby is still a bit young so we do our own thing in the mornings at the moment, sometimes meet friends.

You'll get into your own groove, but at first have very low expectations of life with a baby and a toddler. Not that it's horrendous, it's just a huge adjustment, and you need to go very easy on yourself. As I've read on here countless times, if everyone is safe, fed and reasonably clean, you're doing a brilliant job!

You aren't alone!

Athing is so right though - I had days like this when I was pregnant with DS3 and couldn't imagine how I'd cope with another baby and the looong days to fill.

In the park one day I said as much to another mum, who said she had a list of things to do written in the back of her diary, so whenever she felt at a loose end she just had to dip in for instant inspiration. Just things like playdough; Nature Centre; digging for worms; music session with saucepans to clang; walk around garden centre; go shopping for CBeebies magazine; swimming; foot/handprint painting.

It's obvious, but has definitely helped me on days when I couldn't see the wood for the trees...

And it DEFINITELY all gets easier once you're not knackered and pregnant. Knackered and sleep-deprived with a newborn is much easier in my experience!

Maja - I think it's the afternoon activity I'm missing out at the mo. It's just too long a stretch in the house without much to do!

God how I wish there was more to my day. I take my kid to baby group four times a week but that still only covers two hours of a day. I push myself on to her grandparents or take her to the shops even if I don't want to buy anything just to get out as she is bored not long after getting up. It's hard to do any housework without repositioning her frequently as she shouts at me for attention.

She's too young to do much other than baby group (11 months) and there's not a whole lot else you can do where I live that is on the bus route.

Library, free museum, walk to the shops and back is all good in the afternoons too.

I would say make sure you have a 'thing to go to' every day, so you aren't thinking "what shall we do today?" so find toddler group/class every day, ideally in the morning so you have a time to be ready and out of the house (perhaps put some musical ones or a sports one in, he's old enough for rugbytots )

Then for the afternoons, try to line up some play dates, are your old NCT/Antenatal group all back at work full time? If not, is there a day everyone (or the bulk) are off work and you can reinstate a weekly meet up (we've got pretty much everyone off work on Fridays so every other Friday afternoon we meet up at someone's house). Sort out some craft things, and try to do something like craft or baking every other day.

It also might help you to contact some local preschools, some will offer a couple of free (or very cheap) sessions from 2 yo, if you get a couple of mornings that might help you, give you some time alone with the new one.

I think that's just it Brain. When I worked full time pre DS it was a fun and jam packed, deadline filled existence. I suffered badly with postnatal anxiety (a firm of PND) with DS but regardless in my year off tried to 'do it all' and never let myself off the hook and have a PJ day with him. I rushed around for the whole year probably trying to run from how horrendous I was feeling.

This time around I'm really going to try and have much, much, MUCH lower expectations. I'm going to try and enjoy endless cups of tea and morning TV - and my DCs of course. More than anything though I think I'm going to HAVE to take it easy in myself as like people have pointed out - a toddler and a baby is no easy feat. I find it stressful getting out of the house now! Never mind with a newborn too!

Oh God. I'm worried now!

Another here who's found the first three months of two far, far easier than first three months of PFB - and of late pregnancy + toddler. No anxiety or overarching fatigue makes things a lot easier.

I've also started to count down the hours, but am trying to get myself more organised and arranging play dates.

Once this fucking awful weather breaks I have high hopes it will be much easier too (I have a dream of sitting on a bench shouting encouragement to the toddler while the baby enjoys staring at leaves in the trees). Picnic meal possibilities should make us less timetable bound too - I'm really missing the flexibility of my first maternity leave right now.

Thanks dontmind. That's a good idea about a weekly mates meet up. It's ad hoc now and because of that sometimes you don't feel like badgering people last minute begging for company!

Also good advice re. cheap mornings for toddler. I'm trying to get it sorted

Ah Tempus! Thank you for the hope!

I worked PT when DC were todlers and we always went out on my days off (plus both days of the weekend)...toddler group, monkey music, zoo (season) ticket, park, farm, indoor play...

I enjoyed these things. But wouldn't have wanted to do 'em every day to be fair.

Also, it is really fine (and good!) to say "no, you play my yourself for half an hour while I drink my coffee". I remember drinking a cup of tea/coffee was always sacred do not disturb time for my mum when we were kids and I have tried to instill the same with my DS. If I am sitting down having a cuppa, then sorry but I cannot play/read a book until I am finished.

I, too, have just started maternity leave and I'm struggling to find the enthusiasm to do very many trips out. Ironically, I only teach afternoons anyway, so I'm sort of used to the SAHM role, but it's so much harder when pg. We have been swimming twice this week and to the park once.

We have just bought a wooden climbing frame/fort. The idea with the frame is that, when the baby first arrives and we're stuck at home at least DD will get some fresh air/exercise.

I have visions of sitting in a comfy chair feeding the baby while watching DD climbing/swinging/sliding - let's see how realistic that is!

"This time around I'm really going to try and have much, much, MUCH lower expectations. I'm going to try and enjoy endless cups of tea and morning TV - and my DCs of course."

No, no, no, those are not low expectations.

You are doing this right when you are relaxed and enjoying it.

That's the goal, that's what we're aiming for. :)

Get some visiting done - especially while it's just ds. Group in the morning and catch up with friends in the afternoon :)

You're right you know Athing. I just want to be happy and relaxed in my new life.

DD2 has just started two full days at nursery and I AM lost. I've had five years of toddler groups and soft play, library trips and swimming, and now I have two days where I just don't know what to do with myself.
Mind you I did have to go out somewhere every day just to keep myself sane.

On afternoons when the DDs were just tiresome but there was nowhere to go I would run them a deep (for them) bubble bath and plonk them in it, they'd splash for ages and get the place wet so once I'd got them out and dried them and then the floor (it didn't need washing that week) it would be nearly tea time.

I agree with others who have said that in a bizarre way it is 'easier' when the new baby arrives as you have absolutely no time for this kind of introspection! Once I had my second I did try and get out of the house to 'do' something once a day - either a toddler group or see a friend. I diarised like crazy to ensure that I had plans as I found I went a bit stir crazy just being at home all the time. Same once I had no.3. PJ days are important though - if generally you have things planned to do, it is an absolute pleasure to just stay in bed some mornings for as long as physically possible (baby snuggled up and alternating between feeding and sleeping, toddler with piles of books for you to read to them or DVD on the laptop at the end of the bed while you catch up on trashy magazines)

I did enjoy the endless cups of tea (bottles of wine at tea time) with friends and their small children too.

I think you need to make some mummy friends. My toddler groups and socials are great fun because my sons and friends are there. We always try and do something nice once a day to balance out the cleaning/cooking chores.