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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving my 10 month old with strangers while I....

58 replies

appletarts · 28/02/2013 12:52

take toddler for an emergency pee? Ok it looks bad written down. The situation was that I was in a cafe with baby and toddler and toddler needed to pee. There was literally no place to put baby in the loo area as it was tiny and frankly a bit grim on the floor to pop him down there. I can't hold him and get toddler on and off the loo and wash her hands and she's not good enough to do it all herself without peeing on god knows what and gripping hold of the loo, yuk! So there were these two mums on a nearby table with their babies of similar age on their laps and they looked lovely enough so I asked them if they could watch baby while we went to the loo, they were happy to. I shuffled baby over in his highchair and he sat at their table grinning at them happily for the 3 minutes it took us to belt it to the loo and back.

Afterwards I thought it all seemed friendly enough and normal to me and safe but then I reality checked and I did leave him with total strangers out of sight for 3 minutes. We live in a tiny market town much like postman pat world where everyone knows everyone, but still. Am I a bad mother? AIBU? Any ideas

OP posts:

MammaMedusa · 28/02/2013 14:34

I had to do this once - DS got stuck at the top of a climbing frame - nowhere to put DD down and rescue him. Sometimes needs must.

MammaMedusa · 28/02/2013 14:35

Oh, and I nearly did steal a baby once! Saw a pram just like mine and started pushing it. I didn't have my baby with me! Luckliy I realised fast and they saw the funny side...

babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood · 28/02/2013 14:38

YANBU but thing is why I loved my sling (I realise given the name I sound like I'm evangelising, I'm not). Dd started toilet training the day after DS was born. She decided she was a big girl. Bleurgh. It was essential. I left DS with strangers in cafes, but Sainsbury is a different matter.

Passmethecrisps · 28/02/2013 14:41

I always wonder whose food the babies get covered in babies? When I see your nn I imagine a baby covered in biscuit crumbs

Lilicat1013 · 28/02/2013 14:43

I looked after a baby in McDonalds before, I was assisting a man with learning difficulties out in the community and a little boy from the next table kept coming over to chat to us (both the client I was looking after and the little boy were very social so they got chatting to each other).

At one point the boy said he needed the toilet right now which was upstairs. His dad looked at him, looked at the baby and was looking panicked. I offered to let the baby sit with us while he went to the toilet.

He took me up on my offer and my client was delighted, he spend the whole day telling everyone we had looked after a baby. We could help someone out and it made my client's day so it worked out really well.

I would always help someone out if I could, I haven't had to ask anyone for help yet but I would ask someone who look trustworthy if I needed to.

CrackleMauve · 28/02/2013 14:49

I would do this and not question myself. I would also be very happy to do it for someone else. Especially if it was a squishy newborn and I could get some sneaky cuddles out of it. I am totally going to be one of those women who stroke babies in supermarkets and get growled at.

babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood · 28/02/2013 17:10

passmethecrisps it's a bit out date in our case now. Us generally worn on my back these days & it should be 'slingwearingmummygetscoveredinallsortsofming'
It mainly referred to him being covered in whole meal organic toast biscuit crumbs when he was tiny & didn't tolerate being put down. Now he gets covered in food due to his disgusting rapid and desperate puppy like eati g style!

maddening · 28/02/2013 17:29

Either other mothers or the staff at the cafe would be my first choices.

Theicingontop · 28/02/2013 17:38

YANBU. What else could you do?

Wouldn't happen in our town though, the two ladies with babies would probably give me a nasty look and I dunno, complain about me to the manager or something.

TheEndTisHere · 28/02/2013 18:33

I left my DD2 with other mothers when DD1 needed the toilet.

Then I watched this well a program about it and never again. I've meet two full on crazy people who have never been on meds or doctors so I can just picture the worst now Can't go into details it'll out me I also know people who have mental health problems that I trust with my DC.

WakeyCakey · 28/02/2013 19:25

I do this at work all the time. The closest toilet is in a supermarket next door and I probably have a baby or toddler to look after everyday whilst a parent nips in with an older child to use the loo.
They know they are safe because I am at work And I get some lush newborn squishy cuddles out of it
Win Win!

cjbk1 · 02/03/2013 10:07

my twopence worth contribution is; yes I would've done the same OP.
other poster; I also struggled while toilet training ds when I had tiny dd1 in a sling I found the travel system easier big as it was so she wasn't on me while I was helping him with the toilet.
the other day in a play-centre I made use of a kind of baby seat in the toilets against my better judgement while helping dd1, it had a proper harness but it must've been 4 1/2ft up the wall and dd2 is still floppy and i just didn't trust it although it was put there to avoid this situation next time i'll leave her with a stranger-parent or staff instead.

KatyTheCleaningLady · 02/03/2013 10:34

I've asked people in toilets to hold my baby while I pee. I just picked friendly-looking, matronly women. They always obliged. It's not a big deal at all.

KatyTheCleaningLady · 02/03/2013 10:35

Also, when I was a waitress, if it was slow enough, I would sometimes walk a baby around the dining room so mum could eat her meal before it grew cold.

LittleEdie · 02/03/2013 10:37

YANBU.

Quilty · 02/03/2013 11:00

YANBU - you were only gone a few mins so wouldn't of put them to any trouble and I'm sure they were probably pleased that you saw them as the sort of people that could help you out.

I think it's sad that we feel so guilty and paranoid these days, the vast majority of people are trustworthy and we should trust our own judgement more than we do. I guess it's a reflection of all the awful things we hear in the media. I'm sure not so long ago people would of been doing things like this all the time and not thought twice about it.

Mimishimi · 02/03/2013 13:13

YANBU. Once on a long haul flight, a lovely French woman offered to look after my then nine month old DD if I needed a loo break. I took her up on the offer

seeker · 02/03/2013 14:56

I can top that!

Nanette Newman walked up and down the aisle of a plane jiggling dd while I ate my dinner. Then said " You ate that far too quickly- finish your wine slowly and read your book- she'll be fine with me"

kinkyfuckery · 02/03/2013 17:26

Absolutely fine; I've done the same, and been asked to watch another child/baby for someone else.
You can't live in constant fear of 'bad people' lurking round every corner waiting to hurt/abduct/abuse your child. That would be no life at all.

You did nothing wrong, please don't worry!

CSIJanner · 02/03/2013 18:52

LO's Godfather always regales us with the stories of when they were on holiday with their DC'sin Greece. The babies were whisked away during the meal by complete strangers in the tavernas, and when GodF checked later, his 5month old son was giggling away in the kitchen whilst being bounced and tickled by the chef in his apron-vest ensemble!

WilsonFrickett · 02/03/2013 19:18

Seeker! Nanette Newman's peerless hands held your dd???

OP YANBU. Most parents aren't that desperate to add to their brood that they'll nick another one!

seeker · 02/03/2013 19:26

VenusStarr · 02/03/2013 20:01

This happened to me a few weeks ago at work. Lady knocked on my door and asked if I'd mind holding her baby while she took her other child to the toilet. The baby was NOT impressed

SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 02/03/2013 20:10

Years ago I was waiting for a bus and a very frazzled looking father turned up with a baby in a buggy. When the bus appeared it was really crowded and he had to take the baby out and fold the pram. He was getting himself in a state juggling baby and pram so I asked him if he wanted a hand... Thinking I'd grab the buggy for him. He gave me a look of pure relief and practically threw the baby at me.

I was quite amused as I was 18, pierced, tattooed and dressed quite alternatively, not necessarily the most trustworthy looking person to ne handing your child to

HollaAtMeBaby · 02/03/2013 20:45

TheEndTisHere that is a scary article but I think the mother's instincts were a little off - why would you trust a woman who is hanging around a bus station (dodgy thing #1) even though she has her own van (dodgy thing #2 - kidnappers always have vans ) and who has a TATTOO ON HER NECK #(dodgy thing #3)???!!! Thank god the toddler was found safe and well.

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