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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday when DD should be doing work experience

32 replies

coatonarack · 28/02/2013 12:41

DD has done nothing to organise her work experience. She's known since November that it needs to be organised by the end of March. Her friends are talking about where they are doing work experience and we have had to drag out of her where she would actually like to work. She hasn't attempted to write any letters (for us to vet / give advice). She has done nothing. We haven't just let her get on with it - we have talked about it and told her what she needs to do. But she's still done nothing. It's like she wants to do it, but doesn't want the hassle of contributing anything towards the organisation of it.

Anyway, it's time to book the summer holiday. We have found the perfect place for the whole family. The trouble is that they only have one booking left which starts the week of her supposed work experience.

If DD had made some effort, we would go somewhere else at another time. As she hasn't, I want to say WTF, let's book it anyway. She can do work experience another time during the summer holidays.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Waferthinmint · 28/02/2013 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

livinginwonderland · 28/02/2013 12:44

talk to the school.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 28/02/2013 12:46

Yes.

Work experience is important. It'll help her decide what career she wants, motivate her and, probably most importantly, help her to get a job when she needs one. It's analysed, and a big part of the curriculum in that year. She'll be expected to be supervised and analysed.

You'll find that if she doesn't put any effort in getting a placement (and it's getting pretty late now!) she'll have to do it in the school.

I'm also not sure that rewarding your daughter for her lack of motivation is the best way to go.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 28/02/2013 12:46

I wouldn't, its a bit like rewarding her lazy attitude.

'Oh well since you did nothing to organise your work experience we will all pop off on holiday instead' won't exactly encourage her to sort anything out in future.

MarmaladeTwatkins · 28/02/2013 12:47

I don't want to sound harsh but does she possibly get her attitude from you?

You need to speak to the school. I think they will be less than impressed, tbh.

ENormaSnob · 28/02/2013 12:51

Yabu

I don't think you can just pick and choose as and when she does work experience.

As she's left it so late she will just have to take what she can get for the agreed dates.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/02/2013 12:56

YABU - if she doesn't sort her own work experience out I am sure the school will have somewhere allocated she will end up.

Don't reward her for being lazy with a holiday!!

Sugarice · 28/02/2013 12:56

Work experience is only done at year 10 and organised with the school involved as it's part of the school week.

You don't pick and choose.

Tell the school she hasn't got a placement, they should be able to help sort something..

Groovee · 28/02/2013 13:02

You need to check with the school. I found work experience invaluable to me. I know family holiday are also important but at the end of the day she's at a crucial age where these things matter.

Original poster
coatonarack · 28/02/2013 13:02

The work experience is during school holidaays anyway.

And I take the opposite view. We are teaching her a lesson in that if she doesn't do anything for herself, then nothing will happen. Basically, she wants to do work experience, but she wants us to organise it for her. So, by not organising it herself (or showing any interest in pulling her finger out), she doesn't get to do it (her way).

We can easily organise work experience for her. We are limited by doing it via the school as the council has a strict criteria (no relatives, not parental workplace, no overnight stays). Her godmother works in the HR dept of a film company, but because that is in London and we're not, she can't do it on the official work programme. We have 3 other examples of good placements which we cannot accept if we do it via the school.

I have already spoken to the school and we can organise work experience privately at another time during the summer holidays.

There are 6 of us in this family so we have to find a compromise. We would have compromised if DD had lifted a finger. But as she hasn't, why should my 3 other kids have to pander to her indifference?

OP posts:
IloveJudgeJudy · 28/02/2013 13:03

Agree with all the other posters. The school will organise something not so good ime if she doesn't organise it herself. I have heard of schools arranging stuff at the other end of town for DC who then just swapped amongst themselves.

Agree that you shouldn't reward her by going on holiday. Unless the rest of you go on holiday without her, but that would be very harsh.

Original poster
coatonarack · 28/02/2013 13:05

enormasnob and sugarice - it's done via the school but they won't organise it either - it's entirely down to the kids to sort out their placements. I know, I know, other schools do it differently and have a list of acceptable places. This one doesn't. It's sort it out yourself or you won't have anything.

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 28/02/2013 13:06

I think you are crazy thinking that your DD can organise her own work experience. Many DC this age (not all) are quite incapable of organising anything much at all. I would seize the opportunity and organise something hard for her to do Grin.

Sugarice · 28/02/2013 13:07

Why did you bother posting for advice, you seem to have it all covered. Confused

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 28/02/2013 13:08

Why ask the question if you have already made up your mind then?

Slumberparty · 28/02/2013 13:08

I would go on holiday and arrange work experience for another time. I remember work experience and for me and many of my friends, we were treated as unpaid tea-makers and cleaners. Not a great experience at all. Others enjoyed their's though.
If it doesn't have to be that week, then get her to arrange for a different week.

5Foot5 · 28/02/2013 13:08

If it is doing the school holidays then I agree with you - she should be able to do it when it suits yiu.

My DD had her work experience week during a half term break. She did actually get on to the case as soon as possible and got herself a stint sorted out in the local hospital. She then had lots of forms which had to be filled in by the employer to give to the school and was told by the school that if she didn't get them by a certain date then she wouldn't be allowed to do the placement. Which as I pointed out at the time was nonsense since it was in her own time and arranged between her and the local health authority so the school couldn't stop her doing it surely.

MarmaladeTwatkins · 28/02/2013 13:09

Yeah but you aren't teaching her nothing will happen, are you? You're teaching her that something better than work experience will happen i.e going on holiday. You're telling me she'd rather go on w.e than holiday?!

Original poster
coatonarack · 28/02/2013 13:09

Ah, bonsoir - but I know children of friends who have looked at companies, written draft letters and been enthusiastic. I'm not asking her to do it all off her own back - we're happy to support her.

Anyway, we can organise something hard for her - literally, ie a week at the local docks.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 28/02/2013 13:11

So it's a complete and utter none issue then?

Bonsoir · 28/02/2013 13:21

Tell her her choice is (a) a week at the local docks, organised by Mum and Dad (b) a week at a company of her own choosing, organised by her.

Fairenuff · 28/02/2013 13:22

Sorry, what was the question?

Usually in AIBU there is some issue with more than one possible outcome. In this case:

Your dd can do w.e. another time
You can sort it out for her
You want to go on holiday as a family
You can do this during the school holiday
Everyone is happy

Is there something I'm missing? Confused

TolliverGroat · 28/02/2013 13:22

If the work experience is during school holidays then I think that it should be up to you which week of the school holidays. But you should combine booking the holiday with organising the week of tough work experience for another week so that your DD sees she isn't getting away with it.

Original poster
coatonarack · 28/02/2013 13:49

The AIBU is whether we are being selfish to organise something for our own convenience, or do something which no one particularly wants to do but which obeys the school's diktat.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 28/02/2013 13:51

But you have given the impression that school don't mind you doing the w.e. another time. What did the school actually say?