to be upset about ex and ds?

[FizzyWine]

Me and my ex split shortly after ds was born, after living togther for years and then trying for a baby he suddenly changed when I became pregnant. He started being controlling, argumentative and generally not a nice person. This was a shock after how he had been previously, mr nice guy, but things changed dramatically when I was expecting. He eventually left me for another woman shortly after ds was born.

So as you can gather ex is not a nice person. However im really upset for ds as his father has never bothered with him, I tried my hardest to arrange visits but ex wasnt interested and eventually contact stopped.

Just found out ex has had another baby with ow. (ds is only one, they didnt waste anytime!)

Aibu to be upset for ds? Why was his father not interested him when he has had another baby so quickly? Does our baby not count?

Obviously ds gets a LOT of love from me and my family and is showered with care and affection, but what do I tell him when he is older and he asks about his father?

I expect any babies only count whilst he is also fucking the mother.

Its not your fault nor is it your ds's fault.

You tell him the truth; that mummy and daddy are much happier living in separate houses, but that it doesn't change how much you love him.

You're not unreasonable to be upset, but it is only your ex that is missing out here. By the sounds of it, he is a vastly unpleasant individual, and it would have been much worse for your DS to grow up around that kind of behavior than with a single parent who adores him.

And the thing is... If children are young when a split happens, then they really don't know any different. We know as adults that the socially preferred set up is two parents, and 2.4 kids. But that's not how it works out, and children are not privy to that indoctrination.

Don't feel bad. Don't feel guilty. Just enjoy your DS, and feel glad you don't have to live with that bastard anymore.

(The single mother's guilt does wear off, I promise. Doesn't leave entirely... But eases off. x)

Thankyou, I do feel guilty that ds doesnt have a father, but I also know its not my fault.

Its just really hurts that ex thinks ds is not worth it - not worth his time, or to have a relationship with him. I know hes better off without him around really.

He didn't hang around long enough to know your DS, so isn't rejecting the person he is.

You said it yourself, that you know your DS is better off without him in his life.

All you have to do is look at your wonderful little boy and know that anyone would be lucky to have so much as five minutes with him. You know that. So if your ex doesn't, then your DS is worth way much more than him. He deserves people in his life who think he is the best thing in the world, and it sounds like he has that in you and your family. The fact that one of those people isn't called 'dad' really doesn't matter.

At least the way things are you don't have to share your lovely ds with a knobber who does not deserve to be in his life.

I know thank you, I cant imagine life without ds now. Didnt think it was possible to love a little person so much! (soppy)

Sock - I think thats the only positive outcome I often take comfort in that, knowing I dont have to send him off to a dickhead