...to feel slightly annoyed when people claim to be "living in poverty"

[ihateconflict]

...and have huge TVs/smoke/drink/have a holiday abroad each year/wear designer clothes and shoes and handbags, and have all the latest electronic gadgets. In contrast, as a "middle class" (hate this label) professional living in an expensive area, i cant afford any of the above (dont smoke or drink, so dont include those). We havent had any holiday for 5 years, let alone one abroad. AND, when DCs were at school, their friends with EMA allowance were the ones who had driving lessons for their 17th birthday, and cars for their 18th birthday. My DCs had to pay for own driving lessons, and didnt get cars until they finished uni and were earning. I am full of sympathy for those in "genuine" poverty, but somewhere priorities and definitions seem a bit wrong

[ihateconflict]

am quite new to mumsnet, am just realising what you mean by drip feed, very sorry, guilty of this, maybe should have given more info, as havent really got to grips with how it all works

[Owllady]

here is a popular rental company they rent you allsorts :)

[someoftheabove]

Agree, usual. One rule for the OP, one for the other plebs.

[HecateWhoopass]

2and who are we to judge without knowing the true story!!!!!! "

Does this mean you will no longer be judging the people you describe in your OP?

That's a good outcome.

[Nat38]

Im sorry to have caused offense on here!!<img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Sad" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/assets/images/mumsnet-emojis/base/sad.png"><br /> I have 2 daughters, one is special needs & one is type 1 diabetic.<br /> I get benefits for both, I can-& do-claim grants for things like holidays, electronic things etc.<img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Blush" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/assets/images/mumsnet-emojis/base/blush.png"><br /> So, although I am classed as being poor, I dont class myself as being poor!!
I pass on info to everybody & anybody that I meet to make sure they are informed of the things that I know of that they may be able to claim to make their-& their families-lives easier/more enjoyable!
Perhaps I am wrong to do this, hence the fact of my originall post, that the people that be should perhaps look into the fact that people are are not always truthful about their circumstances! And before you have a go at me. I am always truthful, I do not want money that I am not entitled to!

[eminemmerdale]

I have never got involved in these threads before because I'm a bit of a fence sitter most of the time but since my ds has been at secondary school, a lot of these issues have come up. We are probably middle class, both work in 'career' type jobs (although not brilliantly paid ) but struggle due to some rubbish financial mistakes I made when I was quite mentally unwell. It's all being paid back now but without me doing that, we would be pretty well off. So, ds comes back from school and moans his head off about 'chavs' having i-pods, i-players, fancy phones and 'their parents are all on benefits' he said. Having worked in the area with families in crisis in the past, I knew the people he was talking about, and, yes, they do have all the fancy trappings, plus the nights out at 'the club' plus the tellies and cars, but they are all in serious debt to these companies. They are not able to say no to their kids because they are ruled by advertising and manipulated by the tv. DS now has a smartphone on contract which we negotiated, and is very happy. he will probably never have an i-pad, or a wii, or a ps4 (he has a ps3) but he understands now that those kids may have everything material they think they need, but they don;t have a work ethic or the security he has. Sorry if that sounds a bit pollyanna Oh and I did pull him up on saying Chav, before I get flamed for that.

[Owllady]

yes, but I cannot get that help or those grants so we have to pay for everything out of my daughters dla and with an electric bill of £245 a month the dla doesn't cover it
am I resentful of you?

no I am not! Please look at what you are doing and saying before you start judging other people. We hopefully live ina progressive society, if you want to help people who you feel will benefit from some help and advice (subtly) then do that, but please don't pre judge and discriminate against people, you should know that better than anyone else if you have a sick and a disabled child

[Owllady]

sorry my last post was to nat38

emine, I cannot work because I am a carer, will my children lack work ethic? i think you are being prejudiced as well

oh and my son has applied for something called a carers break so he can get some money to pay for something because he is severely deprived of time and care at home due to having a severely disabled sibling and his childhood is actually abnormal compared to your son, it's got nothing to do with 'stuff'

[mrsjay]

sigh @drip drip dripping OP I am not sure I believe all of your story maybe you are being truthful but I would think you would be more empathetic to people and circumstance not everything as it seems

[ihateconflict]

i really wish i had not said anything, i apologise to all who i have offended/feel i have judged negatively, this was never my intention. Believe it or not i am considered a kind and compassionate, both as a person, and a proffessional, i have a great relationship with my patients, and patients actually ask to see me, and my experience with DH means i can empathize with with some of the health related difficulties people face. The post was really me expressing my frustration when i see a young women trying desperately to juggle work, 3 children and a sick mum, even tho she would be better off on benefits, who was terrified her young baby and children were going to get hypothermia , contrasting with another young mum who was depressed cos she had no money, despite the fact she had all the gadgets/clothes etc. Of course i know things go deeper, and people make choices that might make them briefly happier, albeit it getting them in debt. I know people lead chaotic loves, and i try really hard to support people whatever their circumstances
so all the negative things people might have said about me, may be true on the information i gave, but could not be further from the truth of what the real me is like. i cant apologize enough if i have caused offence

[eminemmerdale]

I was referring to the people we know, not generally.

[eminemmerdale]

I have no problem with them just feel sad that they feel they have to have all the trappings - the kids boast about it because they thing material goods = love from their parents, whilst the parents are sliding into debt trying to keep up with what they perceive as the right way to live and that they have the right to have everything they see - consumerism at its worst.

[Owllady]

consumerism doesn't just affect poor people though does it? i know a lot of people who over compensate material wise with their children because they spend less time with them (my dad was one tbh, divorced parents)

[Nat38]

Owllady was that for me??
If it was, I am not judging or discriminating against people
I am stating what I believe, even if its to my dis-advantage!! Also, all I`m trying to do is pass on information to help other people financially, in their stressful family times! So, hopefully money is not as stressful!!
Again, sorry for any offense!

[usualsuspect]

Maybe you should get a feel for MN, OP ?

While their are some on here that can't wait to deride the poor. I like to think most on MN have a bit more understanding.

HTH.

[ThePathanKhansAmnesiac]

Well done for the apology ihate.
I also want to say sorry for calling you a hairy handed fucker.

You should stick around on MN, truly all life is here.
It may sound like hyperbole to say, but interactions, stories, laughs and advice I,ve had here, has. changed me for the better , I hope!.
Number 1, you can,t judge anothers life or choices without all the info.
But well done for coming back after your well deserved flaming.

[Lucyellensmum95]

The OP is a GP? oh yeah, and I am David Cameron!!

[ChocolateCakePlease]

"A GP has an insight into poverty more than most professionals."


People who live in real poverty don't have free access to a GP. No one can say that in this country.

[Lucyellensmum95]

I have noticed that there were quite a few goady threads today actually

[Lucyellensmum95]

Chocolate - id like to say that you were right, but sadly i think that people do live in genuine poverty in this country, thankfully they will have access to the NHS, however that wont mean that they can afford to feed their families adequately. It is a sorry state that in a country, possibly living next door to any one of us there will be people in just that position.

[expatinscotland]

My cousin/friend in the council estate? Tick!
Competitive gadgeting? Tick!
This isn't as bad as Haiti, therefore no one is in poverty here? Tick!

I call HOUSE! Where is my free iPhone?

[Owllady]

I will give you this expat
I use it in my house as a portable guard dog