Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think I shouldn´t be the one that always pays...

32 replies

peterpie · 27/02/2013 16:14

I meet with a friend every week and 9 times out of 10 I end up paying the bill for our coffee or whatever we have had.
I don´t think it´s because she is skint or anything like that and it´s not like she even acknowledges it.
Despite me paying last week I ended up paying again today, even though I hung on hoping she would do the honours.
I don´t have many friends where I live and apart from this I like her a lot but I am starting to feel like a mug and it´s not a good feeling.

OP posts:
Catsdontcare · 27/02/2013 16:16

I had a similar situation, I started getting there earlier and buying my own before she arrived.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 27/02/2013 16:16

Well, if you bother to go out with her again when it comes to paying just say "it's your turn this week, I always pay"

Be assertive :)

Keepsmilingsunshine · 27/02/2013 16:19

I agree with Betty, not always easy but be assertive! Or if you don't feel like you can be so upfront, offer to split the bill. She'll soon get the hint!

Original poster
peterpie · 27/02/2013 16:20

Good idea Cats Grin

Betty - I really do need to be assertive, don´t I Grin

Why do people do this...???

OP posts:
erowid · 27/02/2013 16:21

Or as you're walking into the cafe give her your order and say "I'll go find us a seat" then go to sit down so she goes to the counter and pays.

Original poster
peterpie · 27/02/2013 16:23

Another good tip erowid, thanks

I am hopelessly unassertive and I suppose people soon pick up on it

OP posts:
TheMaskedHorror · 27/02/2013 16:25

Oh I had a friend like that. I just always seemed to be paying for coffees and snacks.
Once we went to the cinema and she was first at the kiosk. I took my card out to wait my turn and I just assumed we were paying for our own and she turned around to me and said 'Ohhh you're so kind! I wasn't expecting y ou to pay but thanks so much'. I was so confused that I ended up paying!

I just got fed up and next time she mentioned going out I just said 'oh your treat this time?'
Now I dont see much of her.

I don't believe they're innocent. They do it intentionally. People who are genuinely skint are usually very apologetic and usually let you know beforehand.

PopeBenedictsP45 · 27/02/2013 16:34

Take a packed lunch next time and unpack it sadly while saying that you've spent all your money on her and now have none left for fripperies like meals out.

Original poster
peterpie · 27/02/2013 16:34

The MaskedHorror - I totally agree. It is so annoying especially when you know you wouldn´t do it yourself. My memory is bad but I would know when it was my "turn", especially when it´s on a weekly basis. Grrr

Ironically, today I really was a little short of cash and mentioned it in passing and even that didn´t make any difference (sigh...)

OP posts:
Original poster
peterpie · 27/02/2013 16:37

PopeBenedictsP45 - In another life I would do exactly that Grin!

OP posts:
ElliesWellies · 27/02/2013 16:38

I'd just take cash and put down enough to pay for your own.

Enough is enough.

Pandemoniaa · 27/02/2013 16:38

YANBU. I go for a most therapeutic coffee every week with a small group of friends. We've always paid for ourselves because it's fairer and much easier than trying to remember whose turn it is. So I think you need to establish ground rules like this yourself. Otherwise you'll always pay up. It's not a question of whether you can afford to either, it's just plain wrong to be expected to.

PopeBenedictsP45 · 27/02/2013 16:39

Yes, do what ElliesWellies said, that's a good suggestion. And do it every time!

umiaisha · 27/02/2013 16:43

Can't stand freeloaders like this.

I would struggle to be polite and maintain a friendship like this.

Original poster
peterpie · 27/02/2013 16:44

Thanks everybody.

OP posts:
JohnSnowsTie · 27/02/2013 16:46

I had a friend like that.

We once made the mistake of discussing salaries, and when she realised I earned a pittance more than her per year she made sure she got her share of it by always pleading poverty whenever the bill turned up!

Still, lesson learned...

znaika · 27/02/2013 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
peterpie · 27/02/2013 16:51

It´s frustrating as I do enjoy her company but then I start to think if she can take the mick like this she´s not a true friend Sad

I just don´t get why people do this Hmm

I live abroad and am very short of friends

OP posts:
PopeBenedictsP45 · 27/02/2013 17:10

thanks Znaika :)

I live abroad too, peter and am also a bit short of friends so I feel your pain.

meddie · 27/02/2013 17:14

She does it because you allow her too. Just sit down and breezily announce. "I think its your turn to pay this week"

How is she managing to get you to pay. Does she get you to go up and order so you have to pay then? In that case as you sit down just say. "Oh the coffee was £2:50 by the way. Do you want to pay now or would it be easier for you to pay for both next week?"

Does she plead poverty when the bill comes? doesnt have change? then get there early and just buy your own. The onus is then on her to get up and get hers and pay for it.

TheMaskedHorror · 27/02/2013 17:42

Or just say 'yours is £2.50 and wait for her to give you the money before you order or pay'

MrsMushroom · 27/02/2013 17:45

I have/had a friend like that...irony is that she's loaded.

I just can;t work out WHY people do it. It's so rude!

Forget your purse next time.

StuntGirl · 27/02/2013 17:48

Next time say "I think it's your turn to pay this week. I'll have a [insert order here]" and smile.

Cherriesarelovely · 27/02/2013 18:27

Well, you may be unassertive but your friend is unbelievably thick skinned and rude! My friends and I always take turns and are always aware of whose turn it is. Definitely don't put up with this anymore.

TheMaskedHorror · 27/02/2013 18:28

Er you dont need to say that whole thing on my previous post. don't know why the apostrophe, which was meant to be a speech mark, is right at the end.

Another suggestion is to say breezily (of course) "Would you mind getting these today? I'll have a large latte with an extra fat slice of chocolate cake. Thanks!"