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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to tell DH that he needs to take dd to the doctor himself for second opinions if he's never satisfied with what they say first time?

27 replies

quesadilla · 27/02/2013 09:38

DH drives me mad with this: DD had viral wheeze/asthma-like symptoms as a baby, these seem to be disappearing as she gets older and are well-controlled with inhalers but we're both vigilant to the point of paranoia about colds etc and any evidence of wheeze or cough and she tends to get whipped to the GP to be checked out.
DD has a viral infection at the moment, cough and cold. Its not the worst, she's coughing a lot at night, a bit distressing but standard stuff. She's already been to the GP about it, GP said the usual things, its a virus, will go away on its own etc. DH is demanding a second opinion, saying he's not satisfied with this, they're not doing proper investigations etc. Thinks it might be an allergy etc. (last week even suggested she was sick because she'd been to Softplay on a cold day which is ridiculous).
I'm really getting tired of this, he does this more or less every time she's ill, gets in a state, disbelieves the doctor when the doctor says its just a virus and demands to get a second opinion. And because I work from home most of the time and he doesn't get paid if he takes time off work its always me that has to go back for the second opinions. I've got no problem with being vigilant and double checking on my child's health but AIBU to think that there's no point having a relationship with your GP in the first place if you think everything he/she says is rubbish and to tell him if he doesn't trust the GP its up to him to find one he likes?

OP posts:
purplewithred · 27/02/2013 09:40

YANBU

SilverClementine · 27/02/2013 09:41

YANBU. Is your husband normally such a hypochondriac or just with DD?

DublinMammy · 27/02/2013 09:44

Yanbu, he is being a silly fusspot.

quesadilla · 27/02/2013 09:44

Just with DD. He's careless to the point of recklessness when it comes to his own health.

OP posts:
Katisha · 27/02/2013 09:47

And what do the second opinions usually say - anything different from the first?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/02/2013 09:51

YANBU - I imagine the need for a second opinion would quickly reduce if he had to take time out of his work to obtain it.

FryOneFatManic · 27/02/2013 09:52

I would definitely tell him that if he wants a second opinion, then he should go himself. Given the tone of your OP, I'd be surprised if any of these second opinions you've already had are any different to the first.

SilverClementine · 27/02/2013 09:52

Very odd. Sounds exhausting. Getting him to take her for 2nd opinion if he's so bothered sounds like a very sensible approach.

Kids get all sorts of viruses, aside from getting them vaccinated and washing their hands regularly, there's not much you can do about it. GPs are very highly trained and used to this stuff.

Maybe sit DH down and have a proper talk about his concerns for DDs health, agree that if HE wants to get a 2nd opinion HE is more than welcome to get one, just like you said really.

pictish · 27/02/2013 09:54

Yanbu - if he wants to feed his anxiety then he can go to the bother. He doesn't get to just direct you to do the work on his behalf.

I sympathise btw. Ds1 has an ear infection and got anti bs and drops. I had it all in hand doling out the meds, when he came in and told me I was dishing them out at the wrong times...then followed up with a lecture about antibiotics.

I showed him where the meds were and pleasantly said that's fine, you can take over making sure he gets them. Wonderful!

That shut him up.

LifeSavedbyLego · 27/02/2013 09:55

Too be honest I'm struggling to understand why you take her to the doctor everytime. They've told you it is just something she'll grow out of, which it sounds like she is, they not going to tell you any different every single time you take her. When she wheezes give her inhaler.

It can be scary, especially over night. But inhalers and vaporisers plus tilting the mattress help a lot.

quesadilla · 27/02/2013 09:57

No, the second opinions are invariably the same as the first. I point this out routinely but he seems to think the entire medical establishment is wrong.

OP posts:
SneakyNinja · 27/02/2013 09:59

Yanbu. Sounds exactly like DH drives me insane!!

Bejeena · 27/02/2013 09:59

Not only has he got to take her himself but he should also spend the time phoning up and getting the appointment if you ask me.

Hope your DD is better soon.

pictish · 27/02/2013 09:59

Is he fond of telling you doctors 'don't care' and 'can't be bothered'?

quesadilla · 27/02/2013 10:03

pictish have you met my DH?

OP posts:
Startail · 27/02/2013 10:06

YANBU,
What is it with DHs and being stupidly protective of DDs are they as bad with DSs?

We are forever have this conversation.

"DD has been complaining about having a headache, sinusitis etc etc, shouldn't you take her to the Dr."

No! He'll say it's a virus or she hasn't been ill long enough, I'll only e told come back next week.
You want to waste everyone's time, you take her.

DD is a teen not a baby and will ask if she wants the dr. she doesn't need clicking over.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 27/02/2013 10:08

He sounds just like my dh. It's kind of sweet he cares so much but it's so annoying. Especially when he expects me to do the embarrassing second opinion appointment.

DonderandBlitzen · 27/02/2013 10:08

If he has so little trust in NHS doctors then i think he needs to put his money where his mouth is and pay for a private health assessment for your dd. Would he be prepared to do that?

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 27/02/2013 10:13

He sounds like he needs to take her from now on so that he can cultivate a relationship with the Dr & learn to trust them :) that'll sort him

Really, you don't need to take her everytime she gets some sniffles or whatever, use her inhalers and only take her if they aren't helping. It's not uncommon, it's not anything you need to be so paranoid about or you (especially your DH) run the risk of ruining your early years with her worrying yourselves stupid - and truely, it's not necessary.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 27/02/2013 10:15

Any of you who have DH's that are demanding 'second opinions' if you don't agree it's necessary - tell them to find another Dr for a second opinion, to make the apt and to take them - stop pandering to them & 'doing as you're told'... it's not helping anyone.

CheshireDing · 27/02/2013 10:15

YANBU.

Sounds like my DH yesterday at soft play too -

DH - It's grubby, why don't they clean it etc etc
Me - It's soft play, it looks fine, she be eating worms in a couple of years anyway

Maybe you just have to repeat "if you are not happy with the answer take her yourself, otherwise shut up" Grin

pictish · 27/02/2013 10:20

I've never been asked to go for a second opinion (not that I would) but he fusses about meds every time, and lectures. He is also fond of telling me how crap doctors are. He isn't one btw.

I don't take it on. Not at all. I just let him prattle on and carry on my merry way. If he's that bothered he can sort it out. Otherwise stfu.

DonderandBlitzen · 27/02/2013 10:21

Yes I agree with MyHead I would just say "I don't think we need a second opinion, but if you do you, you need to arrange it yourself." and leave it at that. I understand people worry about their children, but to go twice when this is not necessary is a waste of NHS resources and i think you should really pay for a second opinion if you don't trust the GP's opinion the first time.

quesadilla · 27/02/2013 10:25

Donder tried that. DH is not British and I suggested he take her to a private clinic run by people from his country. And they said the same thing.

OP posts:
DonderandBlitzen · 27/02/2013 10:32

Just say no then.