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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Getting married abroad AIBU

45 replies

crashdoll · 26/02/2013 18:39

My uncle is getting married abroad because it's much cheaper for him and his wife-to-be.

He's getting pissed off that several close family members have suggested they may not be coming due to financial (and other) issues. He has elderly parents and 2 nephews who will be in the middle of university exams and I have a health condition that means travelling is tricky.

I'm really angry that he's making such a fuss and upsetting my grandparents (his parents) who are not in good health and don't have much money.

I think it's utterly selfish to get married abroad and guilt your relatives into coming when money is an issue as is health and other commitments.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Hulababy · 26/02/2013 20:01

ilovepowerhoop - snap!

orangepudding · 26/02/2013 20:05

Me too Jins!

Original poster

crashdoll · 26/02/2013 20:09

I just wanted to add, if he wants to get married abroad, then fine but expecting us all to come is not on IMO.

They have admitted they are getting married abroad because it is cheaper. If it were for some life long wish to get married on a white sandy beach, I might be a bit more sympathetic.

Him and his fiancee are normally perfectly lovely people. What is it about weddings that turns people so crazy??

OP posts:

HappyMummyOfOne · 26/02/2013 20:14

Weddings abroad are fine if just the couple or they shoulder the expense of having the guests attend.

Putting the burden of travel and accomodation onto guests is selfish.

JassyRadlett · 26/02/2013 20:18

I got married on the other side of the world from where my family lives. (DH is British, I'm not).

So my brother couldn't make it to my wedding, because his university brought forward a couple of major exams/assessments. I was disappointed but I certainly didn't fuss; I was just thrilled that so many of my family were able to make the trip. It was my issue (getting married in an inconvenient and expensive place for my brother), not his fault or obligation.

SanityClause · 26/02/2013 20:19

We got married abroad so we didn't have to invite anyone.

DontmindifIdo · 26/02/2013 20:29

OrangePudding - you missed my point, the total cost of an overseas wedding is often the same or more than a wedding in the UK, if you include the costs to your guests getting there and staying. It's allowing the bride and groom to save money by putting higher costs on the guests - if the bride and groom had to pay for the guests, the costs would be about the same or more. It's just they save money by making other people spend it to get their dream day.

It's perfectly acceptable for others to say 'no thanks' and keep their money. If the bride and groom really wanted them there, they'd pay for their flights and hotel costs, and booked a time when it was possible for these important guests to attend. (Which also might be more expensive)

Original poster

crashdoll · 26/02/2013 20:35

I'm never getting married or eloping! (Assuming I find someone who is willing me marry me......)

OP posts:

Dromedary · 26/02/2013 20:37

I had a friend who had a beach wedding in the Caribbean, and didn't invite anyone. Then a few months later she invited everyone to celebrate with her and husband at a banquet style bash near where they lived. Perfectly good compromise, everyone happy, saved money.

Kirstoll · 16/03/2013 17:19

Sanity clause, did it cause lots of bad feeling etc 'too tight to pay for wedding' I don't want to invite people because there is just too much hassell! If I invite one set of uncles/aunties I will have to invite the other 8, and they'll only moan about food/dress/music/DP.... An that's without his side of the family! But my mum's already started moaning that I shouldn't go away and get married and it's a family event.... sigh

KatieScarlett2833 · 16/03/2013 17:27

We got married abroad Florida, wanted it to be just us and 16 friends and family came along. We then buggered off to St Lucia and left them to it.
We have huge close families and there was no way I was having the fuss of a UK wedding.
Had a huge drunken party on our return, my wedding was ace

threesypeesy · 16/03/2013 17:35

Yanbu we were married abroad just the two of us the had a massive reception at home for everyone. Im hoping when the time comes all three dds will go abroad too,although i will go with them

ChocsAwayInMyGob · 16/03/2013 17:44

TBH I wish DH and HAD got married abroad.

All our families hijacked our UK wedding for their own attention seeking purposes with petty family politics and it has definitely damaged our memories of the day.It's quite sad actually as we were just talking about our long ago wedding and we're still a bit pissed off with several emotional blackmailers! (I'm not coming if he's coming etc, you get the gist)

However,whilst I respect and understand people's right to get married however they please, it is utterly abhorrent to hassle gusts who somehow cannot come without going to great difficulty or financial penury.

Message to bridezillas and groomzillas -Just because you're getting married it doesn't give you superior rights over others.

CruCru · 16/03/2013 17:47

The annoying thing here is not necessarily the getting married abroad but expecting nephews in the middle of exams to interrupt them. I remember going to a Sunday wedding and having the bride (cousin of an ex boyfriend) be quite put out that we left early (we had a five hour trip back to university).

sparkle101 · 16/03/2013 17:48

Yanbu.

Dh and I got married in New York, we told people where we would be and at what time. If they wanted to join us great but not to worry if not.

We then had a huge party when we got home.

I never expected people to come. It was out decision to get married away and we wouldn't push that on anyone else. My sister on the other hand got married abroad as well and has never forgiven me for not going.

Trills · 16/03/2013 17:55

No matter what choices you make when planning a wedding (location, date, inviting children or not) there is a chance that some people will not be able to make it.

You can choose to tyr to minimise this or you can decide that

Trills · 16/03/2013 17:55

Or you can decide that the location/timing/choice is important enough to risk it.

Trills · 16/03/2013 17:57

No matter what you choose, unless you discuss it with someone in advance and ensure that it is convenient for them you cannot be sure that they will attend.

PureQuintessence · 16/03/2013 18:01

My cousin sent out more than 100 invites to his fab wedding in Rome. Within days mother of the bride had nearly 75 RSVP "NO" due to the cost of a long weekend in Rome in August.

He cancelled the wedding and re-booked in brides home town for 2 months later.

A sensible choice.

Panzee · 16/03/2013 18:02

SanityClause us too! I have a huge extended family and don't even know half of them. I would have been expected to invite them all. So we ran away. :)

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