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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to believe ds and be quite confused by this?

10 replies

100DaysofSummer · 26/02/2013 15:43

I've posted in behaviour and development but haven't had any replies yet.

I won't post the whole lot as it's not really for here, but basically my ds is 4 almost 5, he's in reception and there's a group of boys he regularly complains about, that they have hit him, said they're not his friend, just generally annoying him. He's been adamant that he doesn't like them and doesn't play with them.

There's another boy I'll call him 'M' who as far as I knew was ds best friend, ds has liked him since the first week, always says he's played with him. The boys mum has suggested to me that they're best friends and we've joked about them missing one another when one of them has been off. She's offered ds to come round to play. They've been together at parties and have been like two peas in a pod, ds wants him to sit next to him at his party etc, etc.

There was an incident recently which involved ds and the other group of boys playing rough.

I can't dispute that it happened, however, ds has given me a different version of events, I still can't dispute that he was involved. Ds said he only played with them because 'M' was off ill. However speaking to ds teacher it seems that ds is quite friendly with this group of boys. I asked about his friend 'M', and the teacher looked confused and said that ds doesn't play with 'M' at all. At the beginning of the year I spoke to her about one of the group of other boys I'll call him 'K' and she said that he didn't play with 'K'.

I've asked ds today who he played with and he said 'M', he's still adamant that he doesn't like 'K' and the other boys and that 'M' is his best friend, however the teacher has told me the exact opposite.

What am I supposed to think? Things 'M's mum has said has suggested to me that they are friends, I've also observed them, but the teacher sees them everyday so she should really know.

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 26/02/2013 15:47

Does the teacher see them in the playground every day though? Doesn't the school have playground attendants (or whatever the current term for dinner ladies is) - surely they would know better who your DS is playing with?

100DaysofSummer · 26/02/2013 15:54

Quite likely yes, I'm not too sure what the situation is regarding playtime, they are in reception and have their own playground, but I think it is still lunchtime supervisers at play because it was the lunchtime attendants who witnessed the incident. But it was also on CCTV and ds teacher said that she has seen it and ds was just as involved.

But in terms of day to day I don't know exactly what the teachers sees at playtime. Although the fact that she stated ds didn't play with 'M' made me assume that she knew for a fact.

I don't not believe the teacher, but also how can I ot believe ds when each day he tells me he doesn't like these boys and 'M' is his best friend? And what I witnessed myself.

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 26/02/2013 16:10

Is the school taking it further, investigating it at all? If they are, then I'd be tempted to ask to speak to the lunchtime supervisors (thank you for the term!) and ask them about your DS and M, see if they have a different view from the teacher.

MrsMushroom · 26/02/2013 16:15

My DD is 4 almost 5 and her teacher did a similar thing...looked confused etc when I mentioned DD as playing with a certain girl...DD however was always telling me she did.

Turns out teacher was wrong...they're busy and don't see evrything OP. I wouild believe your DS.

100DaysofSummer · 26/02/2013 16:32

No they're not taking it further. I have asked to look at the CCTV but I've got a feeling this may not surface.

I'm not disputing ds involvement though, my concern is that these other boys are bothering him or leading him into their troublesome ways. But the teacher is sure that this isn't the case and that it's ds choice who he plays with, and that ds and 'M' aren't friends.

If there are any more incident then perhaps I will ask to speak to the lunchtime supervisers. I don't want the teacher to think I don't believe her, it's just I kind of do believe ds, he even says he doesn't want them at his party etc.

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 26/02/2013 16:37

I think your DS is being too consistent with his feelings for him to be telling fibs about it, isn't he? I can understand if he vacillated about who he was friends with, but from what you're saying he's been absolutely consistent about it.

I think probably the teacher is wrong, tbh. In the end, if your DS wants M at his party and not K and the others, that's pretty telling, IMO.

If anything else happens with these boys, then I would definitely get a word with the LSs, try and get a bigger picture.

100DaysofSummer · 26/02/2013 16:45

Absolutely, he tells me everyday he's played with M, even likes to copy 'M's things such as character lunchbags, says things like M will like my new hat won't he? There was a party a few weeks ago and ds and M played together the whole time, and ds saved M a seat next to him. Loads of things really.

It wouldn't really bother me anyway only I'm thinking, if the teacher is mistaken about who he's playing with, could she be mistaken that these other boys are bothering him?

Thanks

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 26/02/2013 16:48

Yes, that's quite possible - that she's seen them together, assumed they're playing together rather than that K and his mates are causing your DS bother, and that's it as far as she is concerned.
If she persists in refusing to believe that your DS is having trouble with them, and he still IS having trouble with them, then you might need to go over her head at some point.

Good luck anyway - it's a nightmare - my DS1 has only just started school too and I'm dreading this sort of thing cropping up!

SneakyNinja · 26/02/2013 22:58

You say that DS has complained before about the group of boys bothering him. Do you think that they are actually picking on him and maybe the teacher only sees them together and assumes it is all quite innocent?

aldiwhore · 26/02/2013 23:06

I am not doubting your DS OR his teacher tbh!! My 5 year old plays with certain boys he says he doesn't like but tells me he loves his best mate who he rarely plays with in school...

I do think you need to voice your concerns to the teacher more fully, ask for her help in trying to find out if your child is being bullied or not (though I don't like that term being used for 5 yr olds, exclusive behaviour or picking on others should not be tolerated) if her answers don't add up is there a TA that you think could help?

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