Ds is 16, and a lovely lad. He's a bit lazy, but is doing reasonably well at school, and has ambitions to be a police officer, although that's not set in stone. He's also a carbon copy of my younger brother.
Db is 31, and lives at home, with my mum doing everything, and him paying a minimal amount. He has been through uni twice, fully funded by mum, and lived in Chile for a year. When he doesn't live at home, he's quite self-sufficient, and I find him a much nicer person, we have also had decent convos about stuff in our family. When he lives at home, I cannot talk to him about anything, he basically agrees with mum to the nth degree, and absolutely everything gets told to her.
For various reasons, I have lived 250 miles away, for the last 18 years. I find my mum quite controlling, so this is good for me, but I have always kept in touch, and we go to visit, 1-2 times a year. She has sometimes had the kids, in the holidays, about once a year. The kids adore granny, and she spoils them rotten. Various things annoy me, but I let them go, I have never felt that anything she does is harmful.
Db does no housework, has no girlfriend (mum saw off the last one imo), earns peanuts teaching in mum's spare room (despite having a masters), and never goes anywhere except church. He behaves like an 8yo mostly, farting loudly, playing yahtzee, watching the simpsons and singing stupid songs seem to fill his free time.
I'm actually really upset that he's not doing anything, but as you can see I've also lost respect for him. He admits that he stays at home for the easy ride.
Of course due to the childishness my kids adore him, which is fine, but I'm concerned that ds has got to an age, where he needs to have a better outlook on life.
I am especially worried about my mum's little hints about how ds can live with her when he moves out of here. She keeps suggesting courses close to her that he could do and live there, and she'd fund him.
I've told ds what I think (in mild terms) of db's lifestyle, and he insists he has no intention of living there, and he has bigger ambitions. but I'm worried that faced with the realities of life, finances etc, that he'll also settle for the easy life.
AIBU and over-reacting, or should I be genuinely concerned and DO something? No idea what though.