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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to charge the neighbour

30 replies

moogy1a · 25/02/2013 14:43

I'm a childminder. My neighbour's df usually does before / after school runs and looking after for her but has just become very ( terminally) ill.
She's asked if I'll look after her lo next week for 2 days.
is it fair if I say I'll help her out for a couple of days in a neighbourly way, but if she needs me on a regular basis we'll need to make a more formal arrangement ( ie. start paying).
I don't want to not help out as I'm sure she'd help me with an emergency and I'm happy to help but equally, I don't want it to become a regular thing ( which it might well do )when that's how I earn money.

OP posts:

BadRoly · 25/02/2013 14:47

I think it's quite reasonable of you to say that. Presumably having her lo affects your numbers and therefore is taking a place of a paying child. So you are happy to do it next week as a favour but can't do it regularly. Or what you said in your op

Pootles2010 · 25/02/2013 14:48

Um tbh I'd leave it for now and just help her out, she's just had a hell of a shock.

If 6 months down the line its a problem, then deal with it then.

GreenLeafTea · 25/02/2013 14:53

What Pootles said. She's dying ffs. They've only asked you this once. Obviously if they keep asking you then broach the subject but its a bit insensitive to start laying foundations now.

Original poster

moogy1a · 25/02/2013 14:54

But that could be 6 months of having lo twice a week. Am I not better of being upfront? I just imagine it would be harder to suddenly change the goalposts after not charging for however many weeks / months and tbf I wouldn't provide free childcare for that length of time ( I sound mean , I know)

OP posts:

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 25/02/2013 14:55

What is bothering you the most, the inconvenience of providing the childcare or the fact you're not getting paid for it?

MajaBiene · 25/02/2013 14:55

I would say you are happy to help next week, but if she needs childcare more long term you can take her on as a paying mindee.

MajaBiene · 25/02/2013 14:56

And who is it whose dying - friend, father, fiance?

BadRoly · 25/02/2013 14:57

I stand by my original post and think it is ok to be upfront. My dad died last year after being told in 2010 that he had 6mths to live. Your neighbour's df could do the same. And I needed to know where I stood with everything and couldn't cope with flakiness. I still say be upfront with her.

Original poster

moogy1a · 25/02/2013 14:57

Hmm. drip drip drip... but she does have an xh who lives in the same village who could do it, but she told me she doesn't him to do it despite him offering ( he told me he offered; (god it's complicated living in a small place where everyone knows everyone else!!)

OP posts:

everydayaschoolday · 25/02/2013 14:57

I agree with you and Roly - friendly and helpful ("no probs re next week, would love to help out, so sorry about your friend etc etc"), but upfront from the start ("but can't do it regular thereafter unless we make it formal as it may impinge on my business") since it is your job and may impact numbers.

I'd appreciate the honesty if it was me on the receiving end, but I understand we're all different.

Original poster

moogy1a · 25/02/2013 14:57

Sorry, it's her dad that's dying.

OP posts:

YellowDinosaur · 25/02/2013 14:58

I think tell her you'll help as a favour for a defined period of time - whatever you think reasonable. But then you'll need to start charging her given that her lo will be taking the place of a child you could be paid for and this is your job.

I totally disagree with the doing it for 6 months camp - this is how misunderstandings and resentments happen

hermioneweasley · 25/02/2013 14:59

Better to set expectations up front - then nobody can accuse you of launching a surprise. You wouldn't expect someone to take unpaid leave to provide Childcare for a neighbour, which is effectively what she would be doing to you if this continues long term.

If she has a neighbour who can do the school runs for CM fees then she should be ecstatic!

MajaBiene · 25/02/2013 14:59

So long as you make clear your expectation it's fine - a favour for the next week or two until she can get herself sorted, or you can take on the child as a paying place.

You can't be expected to provide a freebie for 6 months when this is your business.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 25/02/2013 15:00

I think I wouldn't say anything for those two days. If she then asks I would say, sorry, you need to formalize the arrangement or it will start to impact on your livelihood. You're only allowed to mind so many children of one age, aren't you? So presumably if this became regular, you'd have to turn down work for her. So I think it is fair enough to just tell her that, as it may not have occurred to her that you can't just have another child alongside your others with no other worries.

BackforGood · 25/02/2013 15:02

What you, Roly, and every say.
Upfront from the start. "Of course, you're having a difficult time, I'll help you out until the end of the month (ie, next week) but if she is going to take one of my spaces on a regular basis longer term, then obviously I will need to charge you like any other mindee"... maybe add in something about giving you a shout for the odd bit of babysitting though if that helps further down the line ?

Scootee · 25/02/2013 15:02

I would help her out for the 2 days she's asked without sayibg anything. If she asks for any more after that, I think it would be fine to ask her if she'd like a contract/whatever your arrangements are because having this child on a regulat basis would presumably mean you could have to turn down paid work.

Original poster

moogy1a · 25/02/2013 15:04

Thanks. I was just checking I wasn't being incredibly heartless, but a few people concurring with my op is good enough for me!
Very sad as her dad is a lovely man.

OP posts:

longjane · 25/02/2013 15:06

no favors as it is your job
just say sorry but this is what you do for living and you need her to sign contacts and stuff and it will cost so much
your insurance could be invalid as well
what if her kids dont get on with your mind kids/your kids

SomethingProfound · 25/02/2013 15:08

I would just say exactly what you said in your OP, happy to help next week but will need to be a more formal arrangement if it is to continue, use the excuse of insurance or numbers like BadRoly said.

I would be very clear from the beginning as the last thing either of you need is the wrong impression of what is going on, or what the other is expecting.
What if she asks for help next week and the week after and so on. Have the conversation now rather than later. Also how would your paying customers feel if next door was getting free care? Would any of them object? how is it going to affect your business? I know that sounds dramatic but people can be funny/petty.

In the long run it will probably be better for neighbourly relations if everyone knows where they stand for the outset.

DSM · 25/02/2013 15:10

If you weren't a childminder though, you wouldn't charge her surely?

The fact at you get paid to look aft children shouldn't negate you from helping out a friend. I wouldn't dream of charging my neighbour in that situation, so I'm not sure why you would just because you happen to work as a childminder. The two things are exclusive and don't need to be connected.

SomethingProfound · 25/02/2013 15:11

X post with just about everyone

MajaBiene · 25/02/2013 15:17

Even as not a childminder, I wouldn't want to take someone else's child to school for more than a week or two.

As a childminder, if that child is then taking up a paying place as well, I especially wouldn't want to do it for free in the long term.

jojane · 25/02/2013 15:19

Put it this way, ifnyounwere a plumber you wouldn't go and fit her boiler for free, or if you ran a resturant you wouldn't let her eat free every time, if you were taxi driver you wouldn't give her free lifts, etc etc. being a childminder is a business, as a one off than a favour is fine but if she is going to be asking all the time then she is using your business.
Maybe word it that you have had an enquiry for a mindee and due to numbers you couldn't have her children and the new mindee but you are happy to give her first refusal on the place if she wanted more formal childcare? She then may decide Xh is a better option for free? (am assuming he is the children's father so in my opinion unless hes a wife beater or a terrible person then surely the children would benefit more from being with their dad than in formal childcare?)

scaredbutexcited · 25/02/2013 15:22

YANBU. Totally agree with what you said in your post. Much better for everyone to be upfront and I think this is fair/reasonable.

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