Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

AIbu to b totally peed off being the only driver in the darn family!?

25 replies

Lonelybunny · 25/02/2013 13:40

Only I drive and own a car and pay for the car. DP can't drive my mum doesn't drive my dad can but chooses not too , DP's sisters don't drive , and I feel all I do is run round like a headless chicken ferrying everyone around ! Drive drive drive that's all I do! Getting a bit fed up with it and of course the cost isn't going down is it. Sometimes they give me petrol to help out but not always. I know I should be more assertive but it's dofficult when it's close family. Anyone else have this problem?

OP posts:

DontmindifIdo · 25/02/2013 13:47

I suggest you stop being available.

People can only take the piss if you let them.

Start with your DP, say you feel like you're always running around after everyone else, what does he suggest.

Scholes34 · 25/02/2013 13:52

DD (15) doesn't drive and neither do DS1(14) or DS2(12) and I feel all I do is run round like a headless chicken ferrying everyone around! Drive, drive, drive that's all I do! . . . and they never give me any money for petrol. Did a 100 mile round trip for DS2's football match on Saturday - stood in a cold, muddy field for two hours and then drove back home.

Original poster

Lonelybunny · 25/02/2013 13:53

I do , he doesn't really seem bothered ! I'm now left with half an hour to cook and eat dinner tonight cause I need to pick someone up later. Thing is I have a huge guilt trip I do feel guilty if I say no :(

OP posts:

AlisonMoyet · 25/02/2013 13:54

why does H not?

Original poster

Lonelybunny · 25/02/2013 13:55

Ok not the kids it's the adults in the family ! I don't have a problem sorting the kids I often walk them home from school cause I can't afford the petrol

OP posts:

LRDtheFeministDragon · 25/02/2013 13:56

That sounds incredibly annoying. And yes, you should be more assertive.

None of my business I know - but does your DP live with you? It's just, if you own and pay for the car, you're effectively paying for the privilege of being his private chauffeur, right? My DH doesn't drive but the money for the car comes out of the joint account - it'd be fucking cheeky of him to expect me to pay for all of it, IMO.

A bit different if you live apart, but something to consider if you live together as he may not have thought about it this way and perhaps if he did, he'd realize. It is difficult for non-drivers to know what a pain it is, but you must be saving your family a bomb with this.

Original poster

Lonelybunny · 25/02/2013 14:06

Yes he does live with me and yes I pay the hire purchase , the petrol, insurance , tax all by myself and I'm seriously wanting to ditch the car but I need it for work

OP posts:

LRDtheFeministDragon · 25/02/2013 14:09

Well, point out to him you are saving him the cost of a heck of a lot of taxis.

It's not really about the money (well, unless it's bothering you), but it is about how he and your family see it.

NatashaBee · 25/02/2013 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BiddyPop · 25/02/2013 14:23

Tell people that they need to learn to check with you first before making arrangements, and that sometimes they will need to take a bus/taxi/find another friend etc. Lay out boundaries (even in your own mind/diary) of times when you are NOT available for driving - as you are already occupied with cooking and eating, other family events, doing homework etc.

If your DP doesn't drive and you need to do ferrying for him, does he not do the cooking instead? Especially if you are spending a lot of time ferrying his family too?

No is a complete sentence.

Original poster

Lonelybunny · 25/02/2013 14:25

Well it is the odd thing now and again but it does add up. And to be honest with kids aswell in and out all day it's a bit much

OP posts:

Original poster

Lonelybunny · 25/02/2013 14:26

Yes DP does do cooking etc and helps tidy etc but it's the sheer cost etc its crippling as I'm sure it is a lot of people

OP posts:

DontmindifIdo · 25/02/2013 14:30

Sit down with your DP and tell him what you've put here, that you're getting sick of always running around after everyone, and that includes him, although as your DP, you're more inclined to want to help him than everyone else. That his sisters are going to have to start paying for taxis, that you can't afford the petrol and quite frankly are sick of your time being used up. Say that you'd like him to have a word with them about it and you'll speak to your mum & dad, otherwise, you'll tell them next time they ask no.

BTW - when you say no, don't say "I can't afford the petrol" say "I don't have the time." If you say it's because of the cost of petrol they'll offer you money and you'll feel you ahve to do it, and then perhaps feel bad taking their money, if you say it's lack of time, it's harder for them to argue with. If they ask what you are doing keep it vague, "I've a lot on, I don't have time, I'm sure youll be able to book a taxi though." (Any "I can't afford a taxi" should be responded with "Oh dear. I'm sure you'll sort something") Remember, your DP's sisters and your DM & DF survived for years not driving before you came along. They'll find a way to cope again.

Original poster

Lonelybunny · 25/02/2013 15:13

Great advise , thank you :)

OP posts:

pigletmania · 25/02/2013 15:57

No is a complete sentence op. be assertive, stop being available to people

SkinnybitchWannabe · 25/02/2013 16:06

Im the only driver in my household and if I don't want to drive anywhere I don't.
OH knows where the bus stop is.

babyiwantabump · 25/02/2013 17:52

The way I got round this was to buy my dp driving lessons for his birthday - gave him the kick up the arse he needed and saved me money in the long run!

CloudsAndTrees · 25/02/2013 18:09

Start charging a flat rate of £5 per lift. Tell everyone now, before they actually need a lift anywhere, that you have decided its costing you too much money and your are going to have to start charging. When you are talking to your DPs family, blame your own, when you are talking to your own family, blame your DPs.

Or, when people ask you for a lift, just say 'sorry, I've only got enough petrol to last until pay day'.

Jestrin · 25/02/2013 18:16

Ferrying children around I can understand but adults?? They are capable of using public transport including taxis. If you'll pardon the pun, they have been taking you for a ride for far too long because you don't say no to them.

ENormaSnob · 25/02/2013 18:21

Why on earth are you ferrying these people about?

If you choose to have no car then you use public transport/taxis/walk.

Start saying no.

You are being a mug.

diddl · 25/02/2013 18:43

Do you all live together?

If not-how are they asking for lifts?

I mean your partner's sisters??!!

Kendodd · 25/02/2013 18:49

Why does nobody else drive? Can you suggest they learn?

pluCaChange · 25/02/2013 19:52

Develop a drinking habit, so you can't drive anywhere. Say you have decided wine is cheaper than petrol.

HecateWhoopass · 25/02/2013 20:01

No. cos I say no

People will ask.

If you choose to say yes - you can't at the same time chunter about it either you're doing it or you're not. If you're not happy to do it - take control and responsibility and say no.

Tell them why, if you want! You are allowed to say actually, I feel like you're taking advantage. I don't WANT to be your taxi and I especially don't want to be your unpaid taxi!

It's ok if people are not happy with you. Honestly, it is.

Doilooklikeatourist · 25/02/2013 20:05

Why ( oh why oh why ) does no one else drive and run their own car ?

Flip