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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a cleaner to come at a set time that is convenient for me?

43 replies

PenelopeChipShop · 25/02/2013 11:39

Ok I realise this is a first-world problem before I get slated for even having a cleaner in these tough economic times.

I'm on maternity leave with a non-sleeping 8mo baby. I really do mean non-sleeping. He wakes every 2 hours through the night even now and I feel on the edge of losing my sanity. I am trying to get him to nap at regular times in the day as supposedly that helps night time sleep.

When I was working my cleaner came at various times on a set day, I didn't care as I was never in and just wanted a clean house when I came home. When I was first at home with a newborn I didn't really mind either as life was complete chaos and I was just grateful someone was cleaning while I was endlessly feeding.

Since weaning my son I asked the cleaner to always text me what time she would be here so I could plan my day around it - if she needs to clean the kitchen I obviously won't feed him at that time for example. But now his day has much more of a pattern, with three meals and two sleeps I would rather she comes when it works for us. I asked her what day she could do morning at about 11 as thats best for us. she said Monday. Lst week was the first week she came then. It was fine. This week she turned up an hour early. I had spent the previous 45 mins trying to soothe him to sleep and he had just gone down when she walked in , yelled hello and woke him.

She has now said that despite having agreed only 2 weeks so that Monday at 11 was ok she nw wants to do 10 instead. I said rather shortly that no I wanted to keep the arrangement as agreed even though it means I think that she has a wasted hour in the day.

Surely I have been quite flexible up to now and most people tell their cleaners when they want them to come not the other way around??

OP posts:

lurkerspeaks · 25/02/2013 22:14

YABU.

Good cleaners are worth hanging onto. If you can't be flexible about time (and I think you are risking sounding like a Mummy-martyr) then you need to find someone new who can come rigidly.

Personally my cleaner is so great that if she asks me to jump I literally say "how high?". Having seen the desultory efforts that friends put up with I'm more than happy to accommodate my excellent cleaners on occasion slighly odd requests (eg. can I show your flat to my Mum?, can I come at 8am?, you must buy lemon scented cif not the aqua one you prefer?)

CloudsAndTrees · 25/02/2013 22:20

I don't think YABU, and I can't see why you have any reason to feel guilty.

You might want to be flexible if she is an especially good cleaner, because cleaners that really do work hard and make the most of the time they have can be hard to find. But if she isn't especially good, I'd find a new cleaner. I wouldn't be ahoy about her bringing someone else in anyway, so that woudo be enough reason for me to find someone else.

KatyTheCleaningLady · 25/02/2013 22:23

I try to accommodate my clients' needs, but unless one of them pays me for a full day's work, they're going to have to share me and that means being a little bit flexible on when I show up. I keep things as tight as possible, and if I'm going to be more than 30 minutes earlier or later than normal, I let them know, but I'm not going to pass up working for other clients just because someone can't be scooched up or back a bit to make room in my schedule.

someoftheabove · 25/02/2013 22:38

Penelope, I think your "I'm soooooo tired" says it all. I had 7 years of interrupted sleep and boy, did I get to understand how sleep derivation is effective as a form of torture!
I think you've realised that for that one hour a week, you might have to be a bit flexible yourself if you want to keep your cleaner, which I expect you do.
I do hope things get better on the sleeping front. I think I lost a little bit of my creative brain forever from sleep deprivation, but no-one seems to have noticed!

lurkerspeaks · 26/02/2013 01:32

Oh and you have to be a bit careful - good cleaners know their value - my cleaner has just dumped one of her clients who refused to pay her for the time it took to actually clean her house and who let it get "very dirty" between her visits.

I was delighted - she now cleans for my elderly vulnerable grandparents who think she is amazing as she has revolutionised their lives and the rest of the family can all sleep easy as she is a tried and trusted commodity going in and out of their house and we can all stop cleaning the loo when we go round to visit

twentydollars · 26/02/2013 01:36

YABU. She doesn't just clean your house, she has to fit in other jobs too.

Either get a new cleaner or clean your own house.

anonymosity · 26/02/2013 01:36

I think YANBU - its only temporary flexibility you're seeking from her. Its not like you'll need her at 11am when he's 2 to fit around any naps.

Original poster

PenelopeChipShop · 26/02/2013 01:38

Laughing bitterly at those who are suggesting ds actually has a routine, he doesn't. But is slightly more likely to be asleep at 10 than 11. I think I just snapped as up then I had been completely flexible and she changed things again having only just agreed on a time. And with mo notice don't forget. But for the sake of an hour I'll probably just suck it up.

Bit surprised by whoever said am being a mummy martyr! What exactly does that mean??

OP posts:

anonymosity · 26/02/2013 01:41

Why doesn't he have a routine? Just curious. I thought they sort of imposed one on us, that's what both mine did at that age.

garlicbreeze · 26/02/2013 02:04

It does depend on what you're paying your cleaner. Given your arrangements to date, I'm assuming you pay basic cleaner rates - in which case, it's up to her to juggle her hours according to her life and commitments.

If you want and need a domestic service that fits your requirements exactly, then you'll need to pay 'personal assistant' rates. Last time I looked, they were about 10x the casual rates.

It's up to you, but don't fall into the trap of thinking other people are just hanging around waiting on your orders. You pay extra for that. I understand that DS is consuming all your thoughts & energies and it's quite hard to remember there's a whole world going on outside! Seriously, though? Neither of you will die if he loses an hour's sleep. Sort your priorities out- - money or convenience - and go with that.

Jacksmania · 26/02/2013 02:38

Seriously, though? Neither of you will die if he loses an hour's sleep.

It sounds to me as if the OP very much does feel as if sleep deprivation is killing her. She's mentioned it a few times. It's easy to say "it's just tiredness" if you're not there yourself. Some people's babies just don't sleep or settle into a routine :(

Jacksmania · 26/02/2013 02:40

Not to hijack, OP, but I think (could be wrong though) there is a "babies who don't sleep" thread - might be worth looking, if you're not already posting on it.

PorridgeBrain · 26/02/2013 05:40

I think YABabitU.

She has met you half-way by agreeing to come at a set time when your original arrangement was any time on x day, but you won't flex the time she comes by just an hour. Her having to hang around an hour is a loss of approx. £10 to her.

Also, what happens when your baby's routine changes and no longer has a 10 am sleep or when you go back to work - are you expecting her to be flexible when you are not prepared to be?

Yes you can insist on someone who comes at your exact time but you'll have to go and find someone else and make it clear that a time change is non-negotiable. OR for the sake of one hour a week, you could go out on this day and get your ds to sleep in a pushchair or car.

Could it be that your dc's daytime sleep pattern needs adjusting anyway if he is awake every two hours in the night?

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 26/02/2013 06:11

Oh op with that sort of sleeping issues I'm surprised you didn't hit her over the head with her Mr Muscle and spray her in the eye with her Cif.

Everything is harder with no sleep and to have him woken when you've just got him off is heartbreaking.

All of that said TABU purely for having a cleaner _grin]

Weissbier · 26/02/2013 07:12

The sleep deprivation is what's making this seem like such a big deal OP :( - I totally get how awful it is when you've just got them off and someone wakes them, but equally I wouldn't expect someone doing a job like cleaning to hang around...and as many have said your DS may change his nap time next week. I would let her carry on as it is, ask her to come in quietly and do you have someone who can help you with the nights? I would also take the path of least resistance on cleaner days - take him out to sleep in buggy (if he will) when she's here, have a huge cake, microwave him a jar for lunch, that kind of thing.
The sleep should get better very soon :( nine out of ten apparently sleep through by the time they're 1 and DD got much better around 10 months

ByTheWay1 · 26/02/2013 10:00

I think there is a funny way of thinking about cleaners - as if they work for you - most are self employed - NOT employed by the homeowner - you are paying for a service - like a plumber or electrician - try telling one of those they have to turn up at 10am on Monday....... hahahhahhhahaha (sorry - we are refurbishing and I am slightly hysterical....)

curryeater · 26/02/2013 10:11

I don't think YABU, but what you need might not work for the cleaner, in which case you will have to be flexible or call it a day.
I had exactly this. We did call it a day. I went on mat leave with a new baby and a toddler and I just could not cope with not knowing when someone was going to show up and put the bathroom or kitchen out of bounds. Or my bed ;) If you have a baby, I think all bets are off in terms of you being expected to be flexible about your house and the tools of your very difficult trade.

BTW, when my cleaner and I agreed to call it a day, she asked me to tell her boss it was for a different reason (she worked for an agency) or she would lose her job. So in other words, it would appear that asking to cleaner to come at a set time is not unreasonable.

garlicbreeze · 26/02/2013 14:21

I know it feels like that, Jacks, but there are loads of ways round it. OP can put the baby outside or take him out - this often helps regulate their sleep, anyway - or even bundle herself up in the car with DS and a load of duvets to get a nap herself! The baby's going to change his hours on a frequent basis and trying to force the world to fit around your baby never brings a good outcome.

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