to be frozen with fear of the unknown

[Lafaminute]

Dh and I have a business for the past 12 years. We have struggled through the 5 years of recession by the skin of our teeth and now have come to the realisation that our savings (ample 5 years ago - nearly non-existant now) have all but run out and we need to DO something. We live in a very rural small town which is suffering in general with businesses disappearing monthly. The nearest big-ish town is 60 miles away. We own a lovely house and as a family are very, very happy here and well integrated into the community. I have been a sahm for 10 years so probably no longer qualified to do the job I did previously (it was also in an industry severely hit by recession so jobs, while never plentiful are thinner than ever on the ground). We think that we will, at best, be qualified to work minimum wage jobs if we do find anything. Thing is, we will have to move. Can't imagine finding a buyer for our house. Our youngest is not at school yet so....I don't know! I don't know where to begin, I know others cope with difficult situations but I feel we're standing on the edge of a new life and just need to jump - really hard when there are kids involved. Plus, dh is even more frozen than I am. We're not moving forward at all and meanwhile we're wasting living off any money that could've helped us start anew somewhere else. I remember families I knew in the 80's having complete changes of lifestyle where the father (or sometimes both parents) moved abroad to make money to send home so the family could survive. Anybody else in the situation??? Especially those who've survived???

I don't understand some bits. Are you a SAHM or have you worked in the business for the past 12 years?

SAHM but am involved with the business - just with kids in tow usually or from home.

Ooh lafa I sympathise, as we have also struggled to keep a business going through the past few awful years.

Are you actually going to close the business or is there any prospect of things looking up? I don't have any great suggestions I'm afraid, but I definitely feel your pain - we were fortunate to have a property to sell (in addition to our home), which meant we could invest in the business and keep it going, but it does mean we've spent our 'pension'. Scary, but hopefully the business will pick up enough to start saving again.

I wouldn't worry too much about the kids , they are remarkably resilient and tend to cope better than we give them credit for! Do you have any ideas as to what you might do if the business does fold? Try to view it as an exciting challenge and an opportunity to do something new.

Good luck!

Don't know the answer but just wanted to wish you good luck. It's very hard when you are deep in the small child years and you have so many dependents.

Could you switch to an interest only mortgage? Could you rent out your home and move in with your parents - assuming they have the space - or they move in with you? As you have family nearby could they provide childcare whilst you and DH work in town, even if it's for minimum wage? Could you retrain?

Sorry for all the questions - you've probably already thought through the above anyway.

I don't have family nearby!! Selling our home is our only option, retraining would also require moving as the commute is on country roads and takes upwards of an hour. Our mortgage isn't even that high - well, lower than the national average which doesn't really say much!.
I'm in Ireland where the recession has been biting since 2008. It's quite shocking to see our small town dying more so in the past year while listening to media reports about how much the economy is picking up!! There are more commercial units for sale/lease in town than are operating. So depressing! Thanks anyway.

I think to regain control either or both you and your dh will have to make decisions soon.

Firstly, is the business dead on its feet, can things improve? If so how?

Secondly, if you or dh got any kind of job would that be enough to cover your living costs while you regroup? Even if one of you has to go aboard, how feasible is this? Are either of your skills transferable to other businesses?

By doing nothing the fear will continue to freeze you both. By planning your next steps you will feel more in control and less afraid.

Good luck to you both, I do hope things improve soon.

YANBU to be scared, but you need to take a deep breath and start taking baby steps to start getting back on an even keel. But first, consider the worst, the terrifying bits that you're trying to hide from at the moment. From your post:
you might lose the business, the house and your settled family.
This might still be the case even if you fight hard for it not to be, but at least you will have tried everything. If you do nothing then, from the sounds of it, it will be the case.

As HighBrow says, start planning. Questions you might want to consider are:
Where do you want to be in three years time?
What will it take to get there?
--->If the house and community you are in is good, then maybe a couple of hours commuting a day is do-able in the short term to stay where you are
--->Will the bank consider helping with injecting finance into the business?
--->Is there additional government aid available for childcare/small business/re-training?
--->Would a minimum or low wage part-time job done during the evenings help keep you going until the 'recovery' starts to trickle down from the financial markets into everyday life?
---> Are there any agencies that offer contract roles in your old industry to get a foot back in the door? Or even in something else that you would be able to do, even if only reception/admin cover in an office?

If you can take that first step, you will get there. You built a business once, you can do it again.

Also, yes, I know several people who ended up with a long-distance commute so they lived abroad and sent money back. In one case it was a weekly thing, and home at week-ends, in another they got back once every six months and carried this on for three years until they were on a stable financial footing again. It wasn't easy on anyone, but they managed because they knew it was the only way to keep what they had built up prior to losing jobs.

Best of luck and hope your life manages to turn for the better soon.

Maybe it is also time to look at the positives.
You as a family will still be together. That is a big thing.
Also, you all still have your health, again, another big thing.
And yes, children are resiliant.

Dont mean to sound flippant. What you are facing are big life changes. But there will be some positives along the way as well.
Dont forget to look after yourself and your DH.
Good luck.

Sorry, Lafaminute; it always winds me up when people don't read the OP properly and then there I go thinking you said you had family nearby when you never said anything of the sort

My husband and I had a big decision to make art relocating a few years ago. I was pretty paralysed.

My husband had a brilliant way of helping us sort out all our possibilities and feelings which jarred with me at first but was actually really useful.

We wrote down all the possible factors, and I mean ALL, like all the questions above plus a lot more, all in one long list.

Then we each went through the list separately and gave each factor a number from 1to 10 on how important it was to us.

Then we had a way forward to start talking and comparing options.

That way you can see in cold daylight that being near family is more important than a fourth bedroom, or whatever.

It sounds weird but it helped me so much.

How about renting your place out ??

My bro is about to rent out his 4 bed / 3 bathroomed detached house to move into a one bedroom flat. The rent will cover his mortgage and the rent with a bit to spare, huge weight off his mind.

Could you do more hours in the business? If you did would this help? The children will be in school eventually or can take up their free nursery place if this exists in Ireland. Is there anyway to improve the reach of the business e.g. better advertising or moving in a new direction? Could you say what the business is and someone on here might be able to advise.