AIBU to think if she fucks it up its bet own fault.

[M0naLisa]

My sister has a 3yr old with her ex. He's an emotional abuser. (Telling her she's fat and who would want her etc etc etc)

Anyway they have been split up over a year. She has a new boyfriend who is really lovely, Down to earth and has taken to her son like his own.

This weekend she went to mums with ex boyfriend in tow. Her excuse is 'we have a son together why can't we spend time together' yet he sits there berating her, making her look two foot tall. When he says owt to him about how he needs to lower his expectations of life (he's skint and going through catalogues and looking at £1k beds and sofas etc) when she mentions that he needs to start low and take an offer of our cousins sofa which is selling at £30 she gets told to 'shut up little girl'

AIBU to think that if she fucks up her new relationship because she can't cut ties with her abusive ex then it's her own fault.

I get told to shut up because I don't know anything

Btw new boyfriend doesn't know she spends time with ex.

No, I think she needs your support to raise her self esteem high enough to feel she doesn't have to include him.

There's a strong feeling of responsibility of you have a child together, you feel obliged - and really want - the child's dad to have a share.

The more you look down on her for this, the lower she'll feel. It doesn't make sense from the outside, but try to bolster her bit by bit if you can.

I think you should try the tactic that it will be damaging to their son if he grows up hearing his father treat his mother in this way. She's obviously trying to minimise the fallout of being a single parent without realising that with abusive fuckwits, limited exposure is the only way to go.

YAB v U. It would certainly not be her fault, it would be her ex's and lot a lesser degree, her current partner.

It's a shame your sister has an abusive ex AND a sister who is unsympathetic to the hold he has on her, she is emotionally damaged from him and yet she has to co parent with him. It is not her fault, it is his. I personally would not want to spend time I didn't have to with an ex like that, but I am not emotionally damaged like she is. She is just trying to do the best by her son and hopefully given support from friends and family will begin to stand up for herself.

Her ex sounds grim and I don't blame you for feeling bloody frustrated at the way she is still spending time with him and, it seems, allowing him to carry on abusing her. Does she realise that he is abusive iyswim? Was that why they split up? How does she react when he says these horrible things to her?

Yes, but as Dahlen rightly points out, she is not doing the best by her son by exposing him to horrible behaviour like his fathers'.

In your mother's shoes, I'd be telling your sister that Ex is not welcome in my house because he's an abusive arse, but that she is welcome to come along any time she likes - either on her own, with DS or with her new partner.

I'm not sure that the OP is unsupportive in general, she may have been trying to help her DS for ages for all we know. I should think it is very upsetting and frustrating to see your DS treated like this. Of course it is hard when you have a child with someone and you are trying to do "the right thing" in maintaining a level of contact. Still a very difficult thing to witness as a family member though.

I agree Flouncing.

It is hard seeing him treat her like that and act like he's the victim. Yes it is a reason they split up. He's a twat.