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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not feel sorry for a bankrupt

62 replies

treesntrees · 24/02/2013 22:13

AIBU not to have much sympathy for an acquaintance who has had to declare herself bankrupt because she has been left with debts incurred by borrowing up to the hilt to live the high life. ( Think cruises and expensive holidays). She was retired when she did this and ended up selling her house to pay off some of them. I have some sympathy for people who have worked very hard, perhaps in a business which has gone belly up, and can do nothing else but declare themselves bankrupt but not this. Somehow I feel people who live like her hurt the rest of us because someone has to pay for these debts and eventually it trickles down to the ordinary person in the street

OP posts:

AdriftAndOutOfStardust · 24/02/2013 22:22

YANBU

maddening · 24/02/2013 22:22

No I do not feel sympathy for her - hope they add extra time for being negligent.

IneedAsockamnesty · 25/02/2013 01:24

Is she actually expecting any sympathy?

Greensleeves · 25/02/2013 01:27

Well, she clearly has some deep-seated problems and has therefore made poor choices. I do feel sympathy for her, personally. It must be terrifying, and even worse when you know you caused it because you lack the ability to control yourself.

You on the other hand... well, I don't understand your attitude. Is it just judgemental spite?

amillionyears · 25/02/2013 01:46

There are probably some emotional reasons she did this, that are not necessarily obvious.
Has anyone around her tried to find out why do you know?

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 25/02/2013 01:50

YANBU. It's stealing. End of.

MidniteScribbler · 25/02/2013 02:13

I want to know why banks/financial institutions still lend people money for things like holidays. Houses, cars, home renovations I can understand and the value can be reclaimed by selling that property/vehicle if they default on the loan. But to lend money when the person doesn't have enough equity to cover the loan is ridiculous and just adds to the people getting in financial stress.

amillionyears · 25/02/2013 06:40

A few of the people who steal ,do it for emotional reasons too.
not

scaevola · 25/02/2013 06:45

She got to retirement age without apparent difficulty, then spent like crazy?

I agree that reckless spending on luxuries which you have no means to afford is wrong and harms others.

A sharp change in behaviour can however be an indicator of other problems. Doesn't let someone off the hook (unless it's early onset dementia or similar), but is worth investigation.

chanie44 · 25/02/2013 06:51

A workmates of my other half was in about £20000 debt. He was about to go bankrupt when he was advised by a friend to take out a huge loan before he did - the justification was that of you have to go bankrupt anyway it doesn't matter how much you owe

twofingerstoGideon · 25/02/2013 06:59

I'm with Greensleeves on this one.

RedwingOnFire · 25/02/2013 07:04

What Greensleeves said.

Compassion is a wonderful thing.

TiredyCustards · 25/02/2013 07:05

Tricky one, but i'm inclined to blame the financial institutions that lent to her.

OnlyWantsOne · 25/02/2013 07:10

Do you know how precisely she spent her money then? There could have been an element of bragging / covering up how hard her financial situation was.

Declaring yourself bankrupt can not be an easy decision to make for people. It doesn't really affect you, sad that you have to even comment about it. Try just being a friend to her.

NotADragonOfSoup · 25/02/2013 07:10

Tricky one, but i'm inclined to blame the financial institutions that lent to her.

Exactly what I was thinking. You only need to look at the adverts for loan companies where they encourage you to take out a loan to consolidate all your debts plus some more to spend on shopping or a holiday!

ll31 · 25/02/2013 07:59

You sound lovely, hope if difficulties ever hit your family you meet with more compassion than you appear to have yourself. .. whatever bad decisionsshe made, losing your home at her age is hardly fun

CloudsAndTrees · 25/02/2013 09:36

I don't have a huge amount of automatic sympathy for anyone that has gone bankrupt, but there are times when sympathy is deserved. People get into these problems for all sorts of reason, it's usually more complicated than just saying that they wanted to live the high life at someone else's expense.

I too think the blame lies with companies that allow people to build up so much debt. They are the ones to blame for the rest of us having to pay extra charges to compensate for other people.

All that said, in my experience of a close friend going bankrupt, it really isn't that difficult a process. In many cases the biggest inconvenience is not being able to get a free bank account, but that's a small price to pay for having thousands of pounds worth of debt wiped out for you. It's not like that for everyone, and I know it can be a horrible process, but for many people, bankruptcy is a wonderful thing.

TroublesomeEx · 25/02/2013 09:44

I don't have any sympathy for people in this exact position either.

I too think the blame lies with companies that allow people to build up so much debt

I disagree. People are/were greedy. The people weren't passive in the process, they only got into debt because they took it on and were happy to spend the money.

TroublesomeEx · 25/02/2013 09:45

You only need to look at the adverts for loan companies where they encourage you to take out a loan to consolidate all your debts plus some more to spend on shopping or a holiday!

But you'd have to be a fucking idiot to think that was a good idea!

NotADragonOfSoup · 25/02/2013 10:02

Yes, and the point is that some people aren't as obviously intelligent as you are. These are the people the ads are targetting.

The ads clearly say that is it is a great idea to take out one of their loans to consolidate your debts and add a bit more for a holiday. Sadly, a lot of people see this and ignore the "small print".

MrsWolowitzerables · 25/02/2013 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CloudsAndTrees · 25/02/2013 10:17

I agree that people can be greedy and can ignore common sense when they see an easy way to get what they want, but they aren't responsible for the rest of us having to pay higher charges. That's down to the lending companies, because they have a responsibility to the rest of their customers, another customer doesn't have responsibility for anyone else.

Lottikins · 25/02/2013 11:17

I feel sympathy for her.LOts.
and if the sale of her house wasn't enough to cover her debts I am suspecting it was spent on more than just holidays.

amillionyears · 25/02/2013 11:21

op, even if you dont have much sympathy for her, can you still look out for her?
I dont know whether she regrets it all now?
The thing is , us sitting here dont know her frame of mind.
WE dont know whether she would do it all again, is mentally ill, or now deeply regrets it. It sounds to me like there is something going on with her that you dont know about.

IneedAsockamnesty · 25/02/2013 11:39

When banks loan money they charge for it,what they charge changes due to the risk they take. They make huge sums of money by doing so.

When you take a risk sometimes you lose most of the time its the customer who loses a small amount of time its the bank,that's the nature of the game.

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