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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to join a dating site just to window shop?

53 replies

MajaBiene · 24/02/2013 19:25

I wouldn't actually meet up with anyone, and I'm not intending to cheat.

Would IBU just to put up a profile and chat with people?

OP posts:
LeaveTheBastid · 24/02/2013 19:26

Hmm how would you feel if your partner did it? And would you believe a word of it if you found out and they "they never intended to cheat"?

Get a grip. Plenty of other sites for friendly chats with people without going near a dating site.

McNewPants2013 · 24/02/2013 19:27

Yabu, people join dating sites to hopefully get a date.

There are other sites out there to talk to people.

verytellytubby · 24/02/2013 19:27

Bonkers.

shushpenfold · 24/02/2013 19:28

Yes - totally and utterly U.

Original poster
MajaBiene · 24/02/2013 19:29

I guess it wouldn't just be chatting - it's chatting with people who find me attractive Hmm But just as fantasy rather than reality.

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 24/02/2013 19:29

If my DH said he's only joined a dating site to window shop I wouldn't believe him and would bin him.

Play with fire if you want to, but don't blame us if your fingers get burned!

aldiwhore · 24/02/2013 19:32

YANBU in some ways, but in most ways YABVVVVVU and I suspect you know it.

Would you believe your partner if you found they were a member of a dating site but were just window shopping (oh and chatting to potentials is not window shopping it's trying on) plus I don't think it's fair on people who are actually seeking someone, unless if the first sentence of your first message you say "I just want to chat, I'm actually married".

I think it's a pretty stupid idea if it's yours, and a lame excuse, if you want to 'window shop' (ie., LOOK) join a porn site, it's much easier to explain!

If this is a reverse AIBU, same applies, I wouldn't accept the excuse, and I'd be very depressed to be married to someone with that level of stupidity.

LeaveTheBastid · 24/02/2013 19:32

Oh do get over yourself and grow up. Either tell your issues to your partner or end the relationship. Don't piss about on dating sites looking for attention, which means nothing, because more than half of the blokes on there don't give to hoots what you look like, just how easy you are.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 24/02/2013 19:34

Well, I wouldn't. Because I would be incredibly hurt if DH did it. Do unto others, etc. It's a good motto generally, that.

McNewPants2013 · 24/02/2013 19:36

So will you tell the people on there you are in a relationship, because I don't belive you should lead someone on.

aldiwhore · 24/02/2013 19:37

Agree with those sentiments LeaveTheBastid this is purely about an ego trip... which does make me think that perhaps counselling would be a healthier option?

happyinherts · 24/02/2013 19:39

Playing with fire. It's a very slippery slope and you seem vulnerable to perhaps a seedier side of online dating because you're married and not available.

You will get chatting to someone who pays you attention (for their own needs) and then you will want to meet them or go beyond chatting. Please don't do this - you are potentially throwing away all you have worked for.

Work on the reasons why you feel the need to do this.

LittleWhiteWolf · 24/02/2013 19:46

"Work on the reasons why you feel the need to do this. "
^This

YABU and you need to figure out why you have a desire to do this.

fluffyraggies · 24/02/2013 19:53

"it wouldn't just be chatting - it's chatting with people who find me attractive"

So flirting then.

How many threads are started on R'ships by women very upset because they have found their DPs have made a profile on a dating site and the DP is saying 'it was out of curiosity'?

Loads, that's how many. And the advice is usually the same ie: at best 'this is disrespectful and not to be tolerated', and at worst 'LTB'. And rightly so.

YABU, OP.

Original poster
MajaBiene · 24/02/2013 19:57

Is there any harm in it really though?

OP posts:
happyinherts · 24/02/2013 19:59

Read people's answers

LeaveTheBastid · 24/02/2013 20:00

Hmm Biscuit

Go for it OP.

fluffyraggies · 24/02/2013 20:01

So, are you in a relationship OP?

McNewPants2013 · 24/02/2013 20:01

You are playing with people emotions of course nothing wrong with that

Original poster
MajaBiene · 24/02/2013 20:01

Yes I am fluffy.

OP posts:
littleblackno · 24/02/2013 20:02

I divorced my husband because he did this. At what point does the window shopping become not 'exciting' enough?

fluffyraggies · 24/02/2013 20:03

OK, and is it a long term/steady one?

HeySoulSister · 24/02/2013 20:04

Window shopping always creates some 'wanting'.... When is payday?

Original poster
MajaBiene · 24/02/2013 20:05

Yes, very long term with children.

OP posts:
AndFanjoWasHisNameO · 24/02/2013 20:06

If this isn't a reverse AIBU then yes, of course you ABU Angry
Would you want your partner going speed dating or meeting people for drinks who found him/her attractive, on a date? Emotional Infidelity for me is far worse than physical. Whilst you are spending time on these relationships-you are depriving your own real life bona fide one of attention.