Just needing a bit of perspective really. DD is 11 months, but was born at 28 weeks. Me and ex get on ok, but he has a habit of disappearing for weeks at a time since week 1 and so I have always been quite nervous leaving her alone with him as it doesn't really feel like he cares about her.
It's always about himself rather than her, and always focused on her looks/clothes/if she's "embarrassing him" by crying in public.
So while he is quite immature, we had a discussion after him managing a month of 1 visit a week, and he took her into town to meet up with his friend then back to his for 3 hours yesterday, then I picked her up from his house.
My AIBU's are
- AIBU to say to him that if she comes back stinking of smoke again then I will be accompanying him of the next trip. He had told me before taking her that he wouldn't be smoking during the visit when I had asked if he could make sure she wasn't in the baby carrier when he smoked. (May be being slightly PFB here as she was on oxygen for her first 4 weeks)
- AIBU to not want him taking my (very loved) buggy, as I don't want it chipped/smelling of smoke. He has a baby carrier but was saying he "will be" taking her buggy next time.
- AIBU to say no to the next visit regardless of whether I can or not if he doesn't give 3 days notice? Think this one may be slightly unreasonable, but we have had this conversation again and again, and after 11 months its starting to feel a pretty deliberate as every single time I say to give 3 days notice and it is always "i don't know when i'm next free" then a text saying "What time are you home tomorrow" last minute usually late the evening before, then phone calls if I don't reply quickly.
- If he now disappears for 2-3+ weeks without any contact again, AIBU to say I will be there for contact for a couple of weeks while she gets used to him again, despite him having had her alone now?
Please be completely honest, if I am being precious/unreasonable I'd rather know! 