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Original poster

To dread my son's 16th next month...

53 replies

Rhinosaurus · 24/02/2013 11:12

Because he wants to get a moped. He has saved up for the last two years from his holiday job so no excuse of money.

I am so worried about the thought of him having an accident, I can hardly sleep at night. I even had a dream the other night that he had come off and was lying in the road and a car ran over him.

I know this is making me sound a bit unhinged, I talk to my partner about it, and he just says "he'll be fine".

The worse thing is I had a moped when I was 16 so when I say anything, I feel like a hypocrite!

We live in a rural area and it will be great for him to have some independence, and will save me having to give him lifts everywhere, but I still wish he would give the moped a miss and wait until he is old enough to learn to drive Sad

OP posts:
SparklyAntlersInMyDecorating · 24/02/2013 12:11

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Lottikins · 24/02/2013 12:18

Hmm but there is a world of difference between getting the 70% or so needed for an A and the 90% needed for an A*

SparklyAntlersInMyDecorating · 24/02/2013 12:20

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Lottikins · 24/02/2013 12:23

They need time to do all their homework, time to do sport , time to socialise time to pursue interest and time just to chill.
Our school are very down on students working more than 6 hours a week.They have made a graph correlating a level grades with hours worked in paid employment and there was a definite decline in grades once over 6 hours.

Lottikins · 24/02/2013 12:23

No for A* at A level you need 90% at A2

Lottikins · 24/02/2013 12:24

UMS that is not raw score

twooter · 24/02/2013 12:30

I had a moped at 16, and loved it for the independence.

I would make sure they were aware though, that it is not just ice that makes you skid. my falls ( unharmed) were on a newly gravel road, and a wet one. Also make sure he doesn't soup it up - l worked in a garage where the mechanics 50cc bikes could manage more than 30mph due to them tinkering with them.

Re jobs, I got into Oxbridge despite working evenings and half my weekends during A and O levels, so I'm another one in favour of jobs for teens.

SparklyAntlersInMyDecorating · 24/02/2013 12:33

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ImperialBlether · 24/02/2013 12:55

It's 80% for an A actually.

GetOrf · 24/02/2013 13:07

My dd had a moped for her 16th birthday. She was very sensible and loved the independence it gave her. I was initially very worried (I can barely ride a pushbike) but I made it very clear that she had to wear a proper jacket with padding etc and high vis stuff.

She has had it for 14 months now, she fell off once (skidded on some spilled oil) but didn't hurt herself. We live in a city though - rarely rides on rural ropads. She also never rides it when icy.

It has given her a good road sense - she is taking her driving test early next month and she was on 17 in December - she has picked up driving really quickly and I am sure that's because of the moped.

Re working - I always worked when studying - several nights a week and got all A* at GCSE, and have two degrees studied when working FT. And even if a child Is not working, what about extra curricular activities, such a sports, Duke of Edinburgh, voluntary work etc? DD works one shift of 6 hrs at Asda every week, but then has 3 nights and one weekend day of voluntary work, sports and cadets. She fits her homework around that - she has to. I think her CV will look a lot better because she can manage her time like this with study, outside activity AND academic work, rather than just concentrating purely on her studies. It's all about balance.

thebody · 24/02/2013 13:25

Both of my dss worked weekends and holiday shifts as soon as they were 16. One as a kitchen porter like op ds and that's bloody hard work and the other one in a garage.

My dds will also get jobs at that age.

Dss went to uni and oldest graduated and is joining the navy.

I think it's vital that teens learn to balance work, school and social lives.. That's what life is all about, vital skills are taught and kids learn that work can be bl

thebody · 24/02/2013 13:26

Oops pressed too soon,,, that work can be boring but still needs to be done.

Bogeyface · 24/02/2013 13:54

I understood that in the US the Ivy League uni's dont like to see just study on an application, they expect a lot of extra curricular activities etc. They take just as much time away from study as a job (as Getorf said).

TheCrackFox · 24/02/2013 14:05

I would have left school at 16 if I hadn't had my weekend job as I loved earning my own money. Still managed to get a good degree from a good uni despite working 16hrs a week from the age of 13.

DS1 is 12 and TBH I am a bit nervous of him wanting a moped at 16 but DH had one at 16 and he is very relaxed about it all.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 24/02/2013 14:07

I have nothing against extra-curricula stuff. I did voluntary work the whole way through my A-levels, plus a whole load of other things.

My parents worked very long hours, and liked us all to be free at weekends to do things as a family, and we used to go away a lot. If we had all had part-time jobs then it would have impacted on their freedom as well so I can totally understand why they didn't want us working.

When I was at uni it was very unusual for people to have jobs in term-time. In fact I can't think of a single person who did. I'm sure things are different now with tuition fees etc, but perhaps courses are structured differently to allow for students to work? I don't know enough about the current system to say.

thebody 16 is very different to 14.

Lottikins · 24/02/2013 14:23

School is a fulltime job though isn't it 8.45-4 5 days a week =36+ hours plus say 10 hours home work and revision and travelling time say another 7 hours.
That's 53 hours per week!

thegreylady · 24/02/2013 15:08

My ds had a job working as a kitchen porter in the local country club from 15 to 17.It certainly made him more responsible.He saved for a car so we didn't have the moped problem.His dad died just before ds's 17th birthday and he gave dd pocket money out of his wages.He ended up with a good degree,a post grad degree and now has a managerial job with an international publishing company.
My dss had a moped from his 16th birthday to his 18th.He rode the bike to school [Wigan to Liverpool] for all that time with no accidents though dh drove him when the weather was bad.
Let him have his moped.I spent years worrying but was proud of the boys in the end.

cory · 24/02/2013 15:12

Bogeyface Sun 24-Feb-13 11:52:12

"Would you be saying the same if he was at Uni? I really hate this "oh dont let the little darlings work, make them concentrate on their studies!" and then tear your hair out when they finally leave education up to their knackers in debt because they dont understand that nothing comes for free "

You might feel different if you were the person in charge of teaching these little darlings who are so busy earning money that they haven't actually got any time to read anything.

Every year, the feedback on the university course I run with some colleagues is that the reading list is too long and the course too difficult. And every year, a comparative analysis of the questionnaire on their studies shows that only a minute percentage are putting in the number of hours we tell them is an absolute minimum. Which makes you wonder what they're paying those fees for. And how a future employer is going to react to employees who are incapable of giving their main job their full attention.

Bogeyface · 24/02/2013 15:16

Fair enough Cory, but how many of them are actually working? How many are simply skiving? Also, many students have no choice but to work in order to pay for their housing etc, which is hardly their fault. Every person I know who went to Uni bar one had a job and all of them got good degrees, bar the one who didnt have a job and was being funded by v rich and generous parents.

redandwhitesprinkles · 24/02/2013 15:17

I wouldn't like the moped but would let him get one with all the gear and high via stuff.

You should be very proud that he has saved up and as a teacher and a student who worked, 2 shifts a week will not harm him academically. The Friday night shift will save him money and study time as he would probably be drinking in pubs otherwise.

mrsbunnylove · 24/02/2013 15:24

bribe him out of the moped with lifts and a car next year.

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 24/02/2013 15:25

Has everything changed now then ? It was normal when I was doing O levels to have a Saturday job and work in the holidays. We all emerged with fairly decent grades. And at University in 90's I worked during term time, did all my reading etc and emerged with a decent degree, quite a few did.

As for the moped thing, totally get it. I put my brother off getting one when he was younger as I knew various people who'd been killed or paralysed. And I've started indoctrinating DS fom a young age on this. Helped by the fact to of my friends DH's have come off motorbikes recently, one in hospital at the moment (not good for them but illustrates my point). We saw someone by the side of the road receiving medical attention recently as well which DS saw.

My plan is to accept I'll be a taxi and contribute to driving lessons.

GetOrf · 25/02/2013 07:41

I would let him have the moped on condition that he absolutely has to wear a decent jacket. Not ride the thing with a flimsy parka on. And decent gloves. They cost a bit but I got all of dd's stuff from ebay which saved a bit.

Pantah630 · 25/02/2013 08:15

Get recommendations for the best trainers for CBT, don't just go with the cheapest as not all training is equal. He should be there most of the day, finishing with at least a two hour rode ride. Most trainers don't pass students automatically, I know a few who've refused to give certificates if they don't believe they're safe. Does your son ride a push bike on the road? If so, he's already got some road sense so will be aware of the dangers of slippery roads and potholes as well as other road users.
As a mother and a biker, I had real issues with DS1 riding but I'd have been seriously two faced to stop him. He's 22 now and been riding daily since he was 16, still won't let him ride in front of me though, I can't watch :)
If you live in Dorset PM me for trainer recommendations, I work in the Bike trade so know quite a few.

Pantah630 · 25/02/2013 08:21

Oh and what Getorf said, decent bike gloves are very important as well as properly fitted helmet. The jacket he needs to pick or you can't be sure he's going to wear it. There are plenty of fashionable bike jackets around now so loads of choice. Good hard wearing jeans and a pair of combat boots to cover the ankles are preferable too. Is he after a scooter or a moped as with the latter it's nigh on impossible to ride with inadequate leg and foot coverage, where they tend to get blasé in the summer on scooters and the shorts, tshirts and flip flops come out Hmm

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