DH has 2 brothers who he gets on well with and is fond of. The two brothers are probably closer to each other than DH is to either of them, simply because they live close and we are the other end of the country.
When DH and I got married many years ago, brother A was best man and brother b was an usher. Brother b is now getting married. His best friend is his best man, and brother a is an usher. My DH has been excluded completely - the official reason is so he can help me with our young children on the day, though I imagine the fact that the bride doesn't like boy children (despite agreeing to be godmother) and is not particularly keen on us either.
The problem is that I only found out that DH is completely excluded through vague conversations when we last visited. He doesn't realise, as none of his family will tell him (they are the least communicative people i have ever met). They are likely to all avoid the subject, and the first DH will know is when we get to the church and he is the only one of the close family who is a regular guest, and not part of the wedding.
I have no problem with who they have/don't have for any part of their wedding. But I would prefer if they tactfully mentioned it to DH first. I am dreading seeing his hurt face when he sees them all as part of the wedding party and we are outsiders. Should I mention it to him, or keep well out of it?
Just to add, i am not bothered about being included and it suits me down to the ground not to have the workload associated with it. But I don't think DH will see it like this.