To be feeling like this still?

[janflan]

I split up with ex about six months ago.

Due to the nature of the split he's not allowed unsupervised access to our Son. This means i have to be around when he sees Ds.

I haven't been out without Ds since the split unless he's in school.

Ex has a new girlfriend and is out partying all the time, having the time of his life.

I'm stuck in night after night after night alone. I liked it at first, I've always been happy with my own company. Now i hate it and am so lonely. I have no one to baby sit.

I've been really sad for the last week after seeing ex's new girlfriends car parked outside his house all weekend. This is so stupid because he was so horrible. I'm trying to think of all the bad times but they keep being replaced by the good.

I wish i could be feeling better about all this by now but it's knocked me for six.

I'm good at faking it till i make it so i doubt anyone is aware of how i feel.

Thank you imperial that's exactly what i was trying to say.

I've sent him a text this morning asking if we can talk. I've said we need to get some boundaries in place, he has to stop trying to have sex with me, we need to arrange set times for him to see ds and i won't be cooking for him anymore.

I'm feeling a bit bad about the text now though. He's probably not going t take it well.

I think all things will help me move on. Everything's too blured at the moment.

Jan you need a complete detachment, by having sex with you and eating your food, hes using you, never text him unless its about DS, he gets off on your texting, make your text clinical and business like, dont feel bad about the text, who gives a shit how he takes it, you need to just keep the reason why hes not allowed unsupervised access in your head, whatever happened to put that limit in place, should be the reason thats easier for you to detach.

He's not having sex with me because i won't let him. It doesn't stop him trying almost every day and groping me.

Ok so complete detachment i can't do this. He's coming over later, I'm almost hoping his girlfriend wants to spend more time with him like she did last weekend and he won't turn up.

I mean i can do this not i can't.

When he tries to grope you, say clearly and with real meaning, "Dont touch me", and keep saying it til he gets the message, he has no right to think he can still do that.

I do tell him no. Yesterday he threw me on the sofa, pinned me down and started thrusting at me while trying to kiss me. I started off trying to get him off me and was saying no but i the end went limp and closed my eyes. He got off me then.

WRT not having a babysitter, have you thought of paying for one so you can get out occasionally. I came across a website the other day, an agency for babysitters, and it seemed quite reasonable. Might be worth considering.

Bloody hell OP, I think I'd be telling this man that any access has to be out of the house so you can avoid being alone with him! His behaviour is disgusting and is in fact sexual assault!

Jan Omg why the hell do you let him in your house, he practically sexually assaulted you, you need to never contact him ever again, ever!!!

I'll have a look at some agencies. It's all money though that i can't afford.

Jan You have bigger issues than nights out, your allowing this man into your house around your child, im actually scared for you.

I don't think he would follow it through, i think he thinks I'm going to be overcome by lust for him or something. I'm not by the way.

He was just messing about, honestly he wouldn't have done anything else. He does need to stop though and i will be talking to him about it today.

Jan It doesnt matter that he didnt have sex with you, he PINNED you down and THRUSTED against you, that is assault, and you have repeatedly said no to him, how far does he have to go before you ban him from your house.

Jan Right now you dont see it, your in denial, in time his actions are gonna make you feel very angry, its not just messing about, its pushing himself despite being told no, you really need to speak to people who have been through the same, they'll tell you, its not messing about.

Don't worry he isn't going to do it again. I am going to talk to him today and tell him straight.

Jan Ever thought about contact centre access?

I lost ten stone with Cambridge, put it back on.
Lost two with slimmers, same story.
Six stones SW, read above
Four stones WW " "
Two and a half with Rosemary Coney
Two stobes ten pound withSlimming World..yes you guessed it.

My own devised diet about two stones

LighterLife and Cambridge luquid diet is step one of seven.
Veer off plan you gain weight.

Cambridge was the best but I am going to try LL next and see if the 'counselling' helps change me.
Arm yourself with the FACTS

I did consider it when we first split but i thought we could be grown ups about it.

Hi

Er wrong thread! Sorry, phone.jumped pages grr

It made me laugh don't worry.

Jan You can be grown up, he obviously just sees it as a chance to try his luck and feed his stupid thoughts that you just need to have sex with him, i think you should do that to help you get over things, if you dont have to see him, then you dont need to give him thought.

x

Could you invite a friend over to yours for a glass of wine one evening whilst your son was in bed?