Arguments and the F-word

[BlingLoving]

In a garden shop cafeteria today, dh took the tray to tidy it up afterwards as he did not realise there were staff for that. In the process, he bumped into the girl cleaning and dropped a cup. We have had this conversation about tidying up in places like this before because I feel if there set up isn't designed for customers to clean up, we shouldn't.

After it happened, and to me it clearly wasn't serious, I rather stupidly said, "see, that's why you shouldn't tidy up." I said it with a smile but dh didn't see that and clearly was actually feeling a bit embarrassed so reacted badly and basically told me to fuck off.

I don't like that kind of language and I don't think it's appropriate in a supposedly loving relationship. Since then of course, it's completely escalated as I told him I shouldn't have said that, but that I really don't like being sworn at and he has gone on and on about how he will always respond like that when I say things like this that piss him off. As far as he's concerned, I was telling him what to do in public which is not acceptable an that justifies any swearing he wants to do. Apparently he also "hates" me in these situations.

Aibu in saying I don't think his reaction is justified, no matter what? Or am I being a bit precious?

DH and I also tell each other to fuck off

Mainly in jest but if we argue it is pretty sweary on both sides

Point is though you do not like it and it is not the norm in your relationship so YANBU

You "know he hates being told what to do". So why do you keep telling him, then? Swearing at you probably was a bit over the top, but how extreme his reaction was probably depends on how often you do this, with or without a smile on your face (which would actually annoy me more, btw)
It's something you'd say to a toddler to teach them not to do something again.
Do you really think training your DH to behave the way you want is your job?

I feel sorry for your DH. He is doing a kind thing ie helping somebody by clearing up, then he embarrasses himself then you embarrass him further. No wonder he swore - I would too. Not right I know, but I have a short fuse and am very sweary too.

Your Dh sounds nice helping to clear the table.
I've worked in busy cafes, and it'll be one less job for the waitress to do.
I don't think you should have got annoyed with him for doing a kind and helpful thing.
I may have told you to fuck off too.

To be frank, OP, when I read your reaction it reminded me of those utter twats who applaud in bars when the busy/stressed person drops some plates or whatever. They think they're being a right laugh and it's all in good fun, but actually they're really humiliating someone and making the pressure worse. They don't understand that they're doing this because they're not doing it out of real badness but it's still not very nice.

I love how threads develop. As I said earlier,both dh and I agreed we were wrong. My intention might not have been belittling but it definitely came across that way and ditto, dh should not have had such an extreme reaction. Neither of us is brow beaten nor are either of us abusive. Promise!

Off to cook dinner now while he puts ds to bed!

I love the posters that forget that putting a partner down and humiliating them is also a form of abuse.

(not aimed at the OP)

I agree with Boney and would like to add that put downs or humiliation sometimes are worse than swear words.

Pink job? Is that a euphemism?