to feel DH has been treated meanly by his mate?

[nothingbyhalves]

DH moved 50 miles away from his friends and family when we met to be with me. (I had a house, he was living with his parents at the time) We have since whenever we can made the effort to travel to his mates for nights out, birthday parties etc. One of his mates was an usher at our wedding (at the time I thought he should have been best man ) and is our dt's god father. WE always invite his ss to our dt's birthday parties, and have invites friend his fiance down for meals, new years etc always offering our bed and us sleeping on airbed. DT's have never been ninvited to his ss's parties.

Friend is getting married in a month or so, and ages ago asked dh to be an usher. He found out today through a friend that he isn't. He didn't say anything but I can see he is gutted. Also stag do which was going to be one night away, has spiraled into 2 nights away, and will mean dh being away for mothers day.

I am a little disappointed about mothers day, but told dh to go and enjoy (he doesn't get to see much of his mates, and doesn't go out much so think he deserves it). However dh is gutted about mothers day as his father passed away 18 months ago, so he does worry about his mum, and likes to make a fuss of her on mothers day.

Just can see DH saying bugger you all and not going. I know he really misses his mates, and feels like he isn't part of the gang anymore as it is. They rarely come down here (it is only 40 minutes drive) and we always have to go up there. His birthday always has to be celebrated in his old neck of the woods or his mates won't come, even when we offer to put them all up here, and they could get the train home easily!

sorry for long post , but feeling a bit peed of on his behalf.

I don't think he's being deliberately treated meanly.
They will drift apart with the distance.
And Mother's day is pretty meaningless to most people - it won't be on purpose just thoughtless.

It sounds like they've got bugger all in common and have drifted apart, tbh. Why all the unrequited effort?

That's life I'm afraid.

No ones fault, no need to be pissed off. Just be realistic and accept it.

50 miles is a long way.

Is it really 40 minutes? I live 20 miles away from my sister and it takes me about that long. He must be doing about 75mph door to door to do 50 miles in 40 minutes!

Friendships often don't survive long distance. It doesn't mean that they don't like you - but many friendships require a physical presence in order to maintain them. Without that then they often drift.

They may think of themselves as 'mates' - but they clearly aren't emotionally close or feel the friendship is worth 2 40 minute drives (one there and one back!) staying over or taking trains.

Find new friends close to where you live.

How come he was asked to be an usher but now isn´t (being one?)?

He needs new friends.

Really, you move away & people move on without you.

Agree he needs new friends.

DP always returns to his old town to see friends, even if it's for his birthday. That's just the way it works. Unless they all go out in London, because about half their old group now live there. As for the stag do, mother's day really isn't a big deal to many. I know exactly how he feels, it sucks to feel you're drifting from your friends, but it's not personal, just a consequence of modern life.

50 miles is not a 40 minute trip - unless you break speed limits and jump lights.