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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH trying to piss the neighbour off.

27 replies

D0oinMeCleanin · 23/02/2013 12:44

Our new neighbour had a party on Thursday night. I went to bed earlier than DH so all I heard was a few drunken fights in the street and one hysterical woman threatening to burn down the entire street if her boyfriend did not apologise to her for calling her fat. That went on for about 10 minutes before he came and said sorry.

DH was downstairs and has better hearing than me and said they had rave songs on full blast until 4:30am Friday morning. He didn't come to bed because he knew he wouldn't sleep. To be fair I was still partly awake when he came up because the fighting kept waking me.

DH is not happy about this. He also thinks it's terribly inconsiderate when the neighbour knows we have two school aged children and he would not have known it is half term (afaik he has a son, so he would have known, or at least there is a little boy who seems to stop over a couple of times a week) He's also lived there three weeks and this is first party, so it's not like it's every night.

Last night DH wanted to put his surround system on and YouTube or my ipod until at least 4am Hmm I wanted to go to bed, so he refrained. Tonight the dc are sleeping out. He's bought me Vodka, he wants to play his surround system all night tonight instead [sigh]

This is a bit childish and unnecessary, no? Plus it will achieve nothing expect to have the neighbour think we also like partying into the wee hours, so his parties are fine. The neighbour does not work. I've chatted to him for a while, even before we moved in, he's a fellow whippet owner who walks in our park and seems to be a reasonable person. I'm sure if DH had spoken to him, he'd have turned the music down.

WIBU to ban the all night party? Not least because we are terraced and have neighbours both sides.

OP posts:
sarahbean123 · 23/02/2013 12:47

YANBU. Your DH is being very childish.

YouTheCat · 23/02/2013 12:47

Don't do it!

Just wait until they have another party and then play your music nice and loud from about 9am, when they will be sleeping it off.

Fairylea · 23/02/2013 12:48

Your dh is being unreasonable. And giving them permission to do it again. They might not even realise he's doing it deliberately to annoy them and might think you're okay with the parties!

I think if they have another late party again soon either go and knock and ask politely if they can quiet down or if it's that bad report them to community noise officers. If it's that noisy they won't know it's come from you.

FannyFifer · 23/02/2013 12:48

Your husband needs to grow the fuck up.

saintmerryweather · 23/02/2013 12:49

your dh needs to grow up. if the bloke was having parties every night it would be different but hes done it once

pollypandemonium · 23/02/2013 12:52

Call the council in next time it happens. Tell dh to grow up.

CatchTheFox · 23/02/2013 12:54

No, of course you are right. I would ask him what is he hoping to acheive? if his ultimate aim is that the neighbour is more respectful and considerate in the future, then there's no way his tactics will work.

Some people think that if they deal with people who have annoyed them in a polite and reasonable manner, that person will have got the better of them. In actual fact, being the bigger man is what it will take to 'win' this situation.

Stick to your guns.

Whoknowswhocares · 23/02/2013 12:54

If your DH has a problem with the neighbour, he should discuss it like an adult, not piss about like a petulant, slightly wimpy child.
Is he always this childish and passive aggressive?

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 23/02/2013 12:54

If it's only going to be once in a while I'd would rather not bother complaining at all, tbh. He's only a young lad. I'm sure he meant no harm. I like to keep my neighbours on side and I'm just glad the baby has moved. The baby who lived there previously made far more noise than this neighbour ever has. I'm sure he never slept. Ever. And he slept in the room joining ours. At one point I was sleeping in the front room to get away from him.

OP posts:
oldraver · 23/02/2013 12:59

Yes your DH is being a twat his usual self. He should of gone round there at the time, it sounds like he is spoiling for a fight, very childish and wont achieve anything.

I would have a word with the neighbour.. while he is sober

Southeastdweller · 23/02/2013 13:06

I would go and talk to the neighbour and nip it in the bud - alarm bells rang when you sad he doesn't work as I'm thinking this could be a regular thing during the week.

Hubbie sounds like a bit of a prat. Do not let him talk you round.

diddl · 23/02/2013 13:11

LTB!

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 23/02/2013 13:14

We have no reason to think it would be a regular thing yet. In three weeks this is the first kind of noise we have heard from him. He doesn't work but he does hunt with his dog, this is how he got talking to me, like all fellow sighthound owners he believes my whippy would make a good rabitter and has expressed interest in taking her along/breeding from her/buying her etc. Hunting rabbits, afaik, involves getting up at dusk before all the other dog walkers are out and about scaring all the rabbits off.

OP posts:
LightbulbSoup · 23/02/2013 13:24

Well it sounds like you get on with the neighbour and if he's not partying all the time then it's not a big deal. Give the guy a chance, he's only been there for three weeks and your DH is ready to start playing tit for tat. This is neighbour disputes get out of hand and stupid.

Our downstairs neighbours do this and started posting silly notes through our door or banging on the ceiling rather than come speak to us. That got my back up and we just don't speak to each other at all now. They will play their music full blast if they deem us to be making too much noise which is usually our 3 year old running about. I just try to ignore it but it's fucking miserable sometimes.

maddening · 23/02/2013 13:30

Don't get drawn in to tit for tat - if he does become a nuisance neighbour that you need help with eg if the parties continue then you need to be a paragon of virtue.

LynetteScavo · 23/02/2013 13:49

But then the neighbour will think playing loud music is acceptable and will do it again....and you will have no grounds to complain.

Your DH needs to get a grip.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 23/02/2013 13:49

That is exactly my point Lynette.

OP posts:
ChairmanWow · 23/02/2013 13:56

You know he's being a twat by the sounds of it. Your neighbour will think one of two things if the surround sound vodka fest happens: 1) my neighbour is having a party. Oh good, they won't mind if I have some mates round tomorrow night then; 2). My neighbour is a complete twat. I'm going to piss him off as much as possible.

We had a word with our neighbours after they had a party which lasted til 9am, the hardcore bastards! They agreed that they'd give us prior notice when it happened again and we make arrangements to be away. Everyone's happy.

TheNebulousBoojum · 23/02/2013 14:02

I used to live in a mid-terrace in a street where this sort of thing went on fairly often, when they weren't TWOCing each others' cars and partners or dealing.
Hated it.
If I was your neighbour on the other side, I'd be in despair and wanting to move ASAP. Why doesn't your OH complain and tell the lad that the noise needs to stop around midnight?

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 23/02/2013 14:07

DH hates direct confrontation. That is why he didn't go round on the night. He was worried they'd start on him. If I had been awake he'd have sent me to ask them to keep it down Hmm

The neighbours on t'other side are quite nice and have put up with our parties in the past, although we only do it once in blue moon on a weekend and they have sons who do the same when they house sit (not tit for tat, btw, just once in a blue moon making more noise than normal) We've always gotten along well with them.

OP posts:
Southeastdweller · 23/02/2013 20:24

I couldn't stand being with someone so passive-aggressive! Though I'm sure he has his good points.

Hope you're having a quiet night.

mynewpassion · 23/02/2013 20:30

So he's trying to piss the neighbor off but won't you and he end up suffering instead?

Way to go.

DIYapprentice · 23/02/2013 20:42

He's just moved in, it was probably a housewarming party!! Give him a break. Tell your DH to lighten up.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 23/02/2013 20:42

Things cannot be anything other than quiet, the surround system has not been hooked up since xmas when i moved the TV, he does not know how to reconnect it. The only way to listen to music via the surround system is through the Xbox (which he also does not know how to use) or TiVo (which is on the blink) so basically without me on side, he cannot make more noise than the TV makes, which was a lot this morning, but now I have set a maximum volume on the TV and guess what? He doesn't know how to use that either Grin

He's bought me wine and chocolate now too, they should go nicely with the films I have rented for the Xbox.

OP posts:
KatyTheCleaningLady · 23/02/2013 20:46

To retaliate in kind would be childish and accomplish nothing.

However, to, say, get up and mow the garden at 9am on a Sunday after they've been up all night would be sweet!