Am I a bad friend, or is she a bridezilla?

[Illustrationaddict]

I just need to get something off my chest, and get a non-biased reaction.

A close friend got engaged just before Christmas and I was thrilled for her. I've offered to help her with a few things, as she was really helpful in my wedding, and a mutual friends & we wanted to repay the favour.

Now b2b has taken to booking wedding appointments, but rather than asking her friends if we can come, has been sending rather blunt text messages telling us of the appointments and telling us to turn up. I have tbh and say I don't like it when people assume like this, and it's really narked me. Both myself and a close friend have young babies, and she's been scheduling multiple appointments for us, no consideration for towing a baby around for hours. I'm close to speaking my mind, but I know I'll get 'you've had your day and you're being selfish about mine' response. This is absolutely not true, I love helping with occasions like this, but am not liking her attitude. Help! How can I diplomatically deal with her, she was lovely before she got engaged!

Ha 250 miles, not MILs - 1 MIL is enough for me thank you

Not the resolution you were perhaps looking for.

What makes you think she'll not ask you again because she resented the attention being deflected from her?

Sounds as though the people helping to entertain your DD were doing it so the btb could get on with her dress fitting, wouldn't she be grateful for that so you could be there with her?

and at 250 MILs!

That would make for an interesting occasion wouldn't it?

I'm not a bridesmaid, just a close friend. I'm hopeful that after today's experience of shopping with my dd, it's dawned on b2b that shopping isn't fun for babies, and takes the attention off her. I think she'll check babysitter availability before she asks if I can come again! ;) Happy with this outcome!

Agent zigzag, think b2b is loving the attention tbh! ;)

There's nothing wrong with 'expecting' (or needing) attention in some situations, and for others to give you it. The difference is between the people who demand it as part of your friendship with them, and those who have been caught up in the situation and are beyond their normal, reasonable boundaries.

By the sounds of how you've talked about her being a close friend and lovely, it's the latter.

But then, if you're expecting her to not like having her nose put out of joint by your baby being there, does that say anything about the way you feel about her realistically?

I don't mind giving her attention, think its quite natural to give a bride attention, I was just narked as since she's gotten engaged she has forgotten her manners a bit. Saying things like 'please could you come with me on these dates' or 'would you mind' would make a big difference. It's not just me, other friends have noticed this, but as I said, I think she acknowledged that shopping with a baby for several hours is hard work, and makes her bridal fitting experience less enjoyable having all her friends trying to entertain my dd rather than expressing how lovely the dresses look on her. I'd happily go with her again, but would just ask that she checked it was a time I could get a babysitter so dd isn't being towed round, and I can concentrate on helping her find the dress of her dreams. I really only want a tiny bit of consideration.