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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling sorry for myself

43 replies

Teahouse · 22/02/2013 22:15

Been feeling sad all day.
Posted on Chat this morning asking if people could help pull me out of the doldrums but I got only 1 reply. Made me feel worse.

Long time single mum, very few friends, no partner for over 7 years, recovering from major operation and have another 2 weeks before i can drive, and birthday tomorrow. Usually fine with my single life but this morning on Desert Island Disks, Rod Stewarts 'have I told you lately' was played because this guy loved his wife so much....I have never been loved like that (x husband had affair thought marriage & is with OW) and doubt I ever will be.

Just feel shit and hoped here would provide a bit of support, but it hasn't so far...please cheer me up (but don't tell me I will meet someone, had that for past 7 years and despite Internet dating, haven't got feyond an initial meeting)

OP posts:
BlackStiltonBoots · 22/02/2013 22:20

Sorry you are feeling blue today, and got no replies to your other post.

I don't think I'm much good at cheering people up so I'm probably no use here, but I always find a read through some of the threads in classics gives me a giggle and lightens my mood.

Hope you feel better soon.

MoonlightandRoses · 22/02/2013 22:21

Well, YANBU, but please don't feel sad. Won't go down the 'you'll find someone' road, but guarantee your DC lovely completely and unconditionally, and more people probably care about you than you're willing to admit to yourself.

If you know what sort of support you'd like from 'the nest of vipers' I guarantee there will be a number of posters on here that will provide it for you.

Thanks and Wine as an early birthday present. Also, there are any number of threads in here that may raise at least a small grin when you're feeling a bit better.

katkit1 · 22/02/2013 22:22

Hope to cheer you up by wishing you a happy birthday for tomorrow

MoonlightandRoses · 22/02/2013 22:22

Gah - "...guarantee your DC love you..." Blush, and x-posts with Black

WorraLiberty · 22/02/2013 22:22

Sorry you're going through a tough time

I don't really know how to cheer you up but perhaps you could jump in on a few threads that interest you?

Happy Birthday for tomorrow Wine

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 22/02/2013 22:23

Your DC love(s) you Smile

Sorry you feel crap. It's not U. Birthdays are overrated if you ask me Blush

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 22/02/2013 22:23

You don't need someone else to feel complete Teahouse. Immerse yourself in new friendships and interests and you will soon find life is richer.

Don't give up hope of meeting someone though, it may happen when you least expect it but it should never be the main focus in life. Life's too short. Hope you feel brighter soon.

YouTheCat · 22/02/2013 22:23

Happy birthday for tomorrow! Grin

Avoid bunfighty threads and go for something light-hearted.

AgentZigzag · 22/02/2013 22:24

Chat has such a high turnover of threads that it can be a bit like that and make you feel worse than when before you posted if you don't get many replies, try not to take it to heart though Smile

Everyone feels like shite sometimes, whatever they've got going on in their lives, but it's whether you think this is just a one off (and you have said you're normally OK) or whether it's something a bit more long term?

Does your happiness depend on being with someone else? Because it sounds like that's what you're saying, that you're craving that cuddled up with someone else in the evening feeling but have met with dead ends when you've tried to find someone.

How old are your DC?

AgentZigzag · 22/02/2013 22:25

Oooh, lots of replies while I was typing away, reminding me that I did mean to say happy birthday for tomorrow, honest Grin

Thanks
Vinomcstephens · 22/02/2013 22:26

Hey tea sorry you're feeling down - what are you going to do to celebrate your birthday tomorrow then? I really hope you're going to do something nice for yourself, buy yourself a fabulous present and spoil yourself. I completely understand you're feeling low but maybe you can take this as an opportunity to start afresh - you're not with your twunt of an ex, you have lovely DC and hey, the world is your oyster! Sending you birthday Thanks and Wine

EndoplasmicReticulum · 22/02/2013 22:26

Happy Birthday for tomorrow.

This might cheer you up - two minutes of nothing but goats yelling like humans.

gawker.com/5984348/two-minutes-of-nothing-but-goats-yelling-like-humans

racingheart · 22/02/2013 22:28

Hey, hello. Smile

It's really usual after a big op to feel very down. I think it's something to do with how the painkillers wear off. You need to take very good care of yourself, especially while there's no-one else around to do it for you. Lots of your favourite food and music and dvds.

You say you haven't many friends, but whoever they are, wherever they are, now is the time to call on them. Ask them to come round and cheer you up. If you are really feeling isolated after your op, call a local church, or some of the parents in your DC's classes and ask if they can help. Most people are kind and will make an effort if they can.

These aren't answers to your long term feelings, but for now, until you can get out and about again, plucking up the courage to ask for a small amount of help could really make a difference to how well you recover.

As to feeling better long term, it's such a cliche, but a true one, that people who look after themselves, physically, emotionally, financially, attract others more easily. Maybe you could take some time while you recuperate from the op to think about ways you could start to feel better about yourself, and small (or big) changes you could make in your life, to regain some confidence and pleasure.

And can I boot your ex in the backside on my way out? I despise men who waltz out and leave women on their own to look after the children and make ends meet.

Un MN hugs to you.

mazzi2fly · 22/02/2013 22:29

Happy birthday for tomorrow - we share a birthday! I'll be [cough] 31 21! Hope you enjoy your day!

MrsMushroom · 22/02/2013 22:31

OP I am lonely sometimes too. Can you try to take over your own life? Make it better?

What would make you feel better? More friends? A partner?

Join online dating site....or ask some frineds to go out...join a club....push yourself.

It's awful when you're low but birthdays tend to do that to lots of people.

What are you doing tomorrow? Can you treat yourself somehow?

RubyrooUK · 22/02/2013 22:34

Don't feel too down. Everything feels worse after a major operation too.

Make sure you do something nice for your birthday, even if it is just something little.

I am the child of a single mum who through a combination of bad health and bad luck had a pretty rubbish period of life for a long time.

But the positives are:

  • my brother and I adore her, we are very close and I think her being a single mum made us even closer;
  • she realised she was worth more than people like my dad and built herself a life in very difficult circumstances;
  • and, although you don't want to hear this, she met someone after 12 years single who happened to be just the right man who thinks she is fabulous. She wasn't looking for him but he came along anyway and now she is very settled and happy.

So you never know what life will throw at you. And you don't need someone else to be happy. But I think it's ok to think that after an operation and feeling a bit unsupported, it's fine to have a moan on MN!

onlyaftereights · 22/02/2013 22:38

Happy birthday for tomorrow t,you will be ok, thinking of you x

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 22/02/2013 22:40

Sorry you're feeling blue. I know it's a cliche, but look at the positives- especially of being single!! Don't get me wring, I love my DH, but also loved being single (after a 7yr relationship)- you can do what YOU want to do, and that can be anything, you don't have to take a partners feelings/ objections into considerations. I don't know what age your dc is/ are, but you have a whole well of love there, one way or another.

I would never say , "oh, you'll meet someone"- you might and you might not, but that is NOT what will make you happy/ not. Some people are happy and in relationships, some people are happy and single- having someone doesn't necessarily make you happy- happiness is out there for you to get, in many shapes and forms. And you have dc, so you don't need to worry about meeting someone in order to have the child you always wanted (like a lot of my single friends)

Think about things that YOU can do/ change that will make you happy. Don't think you need someone else to make you happy- biggest myth of all!

And happy birthday for tomorrow Smile So many things to look forward to and do!

Oopla · 22/02/2013 22:52

Sometimes it goes the other way x

theweeyin · 23/02/2013 00:36

Well it's now your birthday so................. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!
XXX

redplasticspoon · 23/02/2013 00:38

Your children love you.

Happy Birthday Smile

Southwest · 23/02/2013 00:45

Happy Birthday for today

Do you have a little treat planned for yourself?

(Chocolate, wine or cake seem like good ideas)

foslady · 23/02/2013 00:46

Happy birthday - sorry, I didn't see this in chat earlier.

My exh is with his OW, sometimes it makes me angry too thinking that she's got him doing everything I wanted him to do but point blank refused for me. Then I remember just how bad it was when he was here and I think that they must be well suited for each other......here, let's raise a glass to you Wine

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsase · 23/02/2013 00:54

I think we always feel shit when we start a thread on MN and no one bites - especially when you see the crap that other people post and get lots of instant, hilarious and incisive posts Wink

Don't take it personally, yeah I know how that sounds. It really isn't personal, it's just that other stuff is bopping up.

Happy birthday to you! You were listening to Aggers, weren't you? I got a bit teary at that too. It doesn't matter how many times I hear it, I still laugh.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsase · 23/02/2013 01:11

Dance around your kitchen to Never fails to make me boogie.