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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so bloody fed up?

53 replies

monkeysbignuts · 22/02/2013 20:39

i have 3 young children aged 5,3 & 18 weeks. i am suffering with pnd and really struggling bad. my 18 week old is a dreadful sleeper and wakes every 2 hours sometimes every hour :( i am breast feeding and trying to meet everyone else's needs and find my own are being neglected badly. i manage a bath once a week and i look like shit constantly. my hair is actually falling out! i have bald patches :(
i want to run away and never come back. my family don't seem to understand how bad i feel and my husband is moody and off with me because i can't keep on top with the house work and it looks messy everywhere. do i need to pull myself together? aibu to find this so bloody hard. why do other people cope and manage when i can't?

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MiniTheMinx · 25/02/2013 19:22

I have to admit I was a bit naughty...I used the powdered SMA, where it says tap the spoons of dried milk into boiled cooled water, I ignored because it doesn't dissolve properly. So I used to make it up with fresh boiled water when it was still really hot, it dissolves better. Then leave bottle to cool, you have to make sure you release the air after you shake the bottle though!! Then leave to cool in time for last bed time feed.

Colic is the downside of bottle feeding I think, aren't they more inclined towards it. Two friends really made themselves quite ill trying to extend breast feeding, it was heartbreaking to watch. One friend went straight for the bottle with DC2 and she was a much happier mum. It's never a failure to give up BF if it means saving your own health, you baby needs you to be in good health.

How did you get on with GP?

fryingpantoface · 25/02/2013 19:28

I struggled with PND, but it's a lot better now. Hang in there.

Wtr to bottles, we'd make up the six for the full 24 hours with just boiled water, then cooled them quickly in cold water and then put them in the fridge. From pretty much the start Ds took a bottle straight from the fridge. That helped me out

Original poster
monkeysbignuts · 25/02/2013 20:11

Thanks for the tip I will give that a go and maybe taking the top off after shaking might help too.
I am going on Wednesday to the dr.
All of my kids have had colic. 1st was 100% breast fed, 2nd was breastfed for 5 months then bottles. So I guess it depends on the baby?
This little chap is really windy. The first 8 weeks he used to scream with it :(
Will definitely try your formula tip. How do you manage night feeds? Last night I gave 5oz at 2am to get more sleep. He wakes every 2 hours with breast milk alone.
I got really poorly trying to breast feed myffirst and ended up a right mess. Took me 12 months to accept I needed help.

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fryingpantoface · 25/02/2013 20:20

Night feeds I offered ds the full bottle, we ended up co sleeping in the end. He would wake up every 2 hours when we didn't.

He decided at four months not to sleep in our bed anymore and went happily into a cot, just in case you think you'd be stuck sleeping with a kid forever :D

If ds didn't drink all his bottle we put it back in the fridge. He tended to wake up an hour later for it so he got the same one again. Not sure that's the actual advice... But he's still alive! :)

MiniTheMinx · 25/02/2013 20:37

I think it is probably safe to do that if you don't warm the milk up. We warmed the milk if I had stored it in the fridge, my fuss pots wouldn't take cold milk.

A friend gave me a tip because DS1 would doze off really quickly feeding and then sleep for two-three hrs and wake up ravenous because he wasn't feeding enough. She suggested, feed for 15 mins or so, then take them off, change nappy because it wakes them up a bit and then feed again. It worked for us, otherwise I think DS would have been happy to feed every two hrs. Its easier when you can see how much feed they take, if they doze only 30z into the feed, you can see how much they are not taking IYSWIM I can't remember how many Oz they recommend for 18 weeks.

At least you have the other two so you can see that there is light. It must be very hard with three under five, I take my hat off to you. I wimped out and left 4 years bwt mine so I can only guess at how hard it must be.

BlackStiltonBoots · 25/02/2013 20:56

Me and DH were both incredibly snappy and grumpy with each other in the early baby days. If your DH is upsetting you the do mention it to him.

I bottle fed- we did a bottle upstairs at 7pm (if I was exhausted I would go to bed after this feed) then DH brought warm bottle when baby next woke around 11pm. If we were lucky she'd go til 6am but more often she had another bottle at 3/4am.

We made bottles up in advance, let them cool then put them in the fridge. When we needed one we put it in the microwave for a little while. I always threw away left over formula.

I agree with the nappy change halfway through if they are feeding slowly to wake them a little. I kept 7pm til morning feeds in very low light too, just to help establish night and day.

DD1 had tummy troubles- we used infacol for the trapped wind and put her on cow&gate comfort formula- not sure if they still make it.

In a few months things will improve for you but that's no consolation right now I know Sad I hope you get a few hours tonight.

BlackStiltonBoots · 25/02/2013 21:01

Just googled the C&G comfort- it's still around but they are having a shortage due to a key ingredient at the moment. It is £10.99 a tub Shock I'm sure it was around £8 when DD1 was a baby- but that was over 5 years ago.

Original poster
monkeysbignuts · 26/02/2013 09:01

Thanks for being so kind everyone!
Frying he ends up in our bed every night around 4/5am normally when I have had enough of being woke up! :(
mini I won't ever be having more lol. 3 is well enough! Will try a full bottle tonight.
black Stilton if he slept between feeds I would be made up. Last night he was awake every 2 hours! I tried comfort formula but because it's thick he had problems going for a poo.

Going to try mixing ready made with an ounce of the powder formula and see if I can get him used to it that way. Wish me luck. He had 2 bottles again last night. One at 8pm and another at 5.i fed him in between because my boobs were getting very full

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MiniTheMinx · 26/02/2013 09:20

The HV advised us we try the feed for hungry babies......oh what a disaster, screaming for 48 hrs, I wondered what had hit us. I thought he was still hungry so kept feeding him but he was screaming with pain from constipation. I felt like running away because I felt it was my fault at the time Sad

Has he found his thumb yet? or dummy (probably not very pc !) my naughty mother kept encouraging mine to suck their thumbs, it was great because they would self sooth and go back off to sleep. However the down side is even now DS1 aged 12 sucks his thumb to go to sleep. Life saver at the time though.

DancingDolly · 26/02/2013 09:48

Couldn't read and not post monkey. Your thread brought those bloody awful early months (years?!), back to me so clearly.

I clearly remember quietly sobbing during night feeds - just the sheer exhaustion and the very real sense that I would never have any time to myself where I wasn't responsible for this little person ever again.

Mine are nearly 4 and 7 now, and pretty much both sleep through. That knowledge that things get better eventually doesn't help at the time though!

I think you've been given some really good advice on this thread. What helped me with DC 2 was DP basically taking over the sleep stuff when DS was about 9 months and still waking every hour or so. I was exclusively breastfeeding and just couldn't cope anymore. DP basically said, right, how about we do this, and instigated a bit of a sleep plan where we stopped picking DS up every time he woke and tried to sooth him in other ways etc.

Obviously your DC is way too young for anything like that yet, but having the support of someone else is the key I think. It's the feeling of complete isolation and responsibility I found so difficult.

Good luck with the new feeding regime , let us know how you get on Smile

Original poster
monkeysbignuts · 26/02/2013 11:52

mini dummies can be a right curse! I would be tempted to let him thumb suck and he has stated doing it. I won't bother with hungry baby milk this time, he has trouble going as it is unless exclusive breast fed!

Thank you dancing my husband keeps telling me to give up breastfeeding so he can help more. It's so much harder with my other 2 kids to look after. I won't ever have another baby. Don't get me wrong I adore our youngest and babies are lovely, but incredibly hard work!

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MiniTheMinx · 27/02/2013 09:03

Hope it goes well with the doctor.

How was last night? any better?

Original poster
monkeysbignuts · 27/02/2013 09:13

Thanks mini
I had a better night last night. He drained 8oz before bed and when he woke up at 2am I made another bottle and he drained 8oz again! He's obviously hungry (really hungry)
He slept 8:30-2 & 2:30-5:30 I breast fed him at 5:30 because my boobs are so full and sore :(
Was going to try another bottle some point today. Got to take it slow so I don't get mastitis.
Will update after the dr, my bald patches seem worse today

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Original poster
monkeysbignuts · 27/02/2013 14:46

Well I have been told to stop breastfeeding by the end of the week because I urgently need medication!
So I am now stressing out how on earth I am going to do that without pain and risking mastitis :/

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 27/02/2013 14:58

Can you express just enough to prevent engorgement or stand in a warm shower and gently express by hand? If you use the pump too much that will just make you produce more.
I know it sounds mad but a tip I was given, buy cabbage, iron a couple of leaves just slightly then wear those next to your skin to help soothe.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 27/02/2013 15:03

I was going to say if you co-sleep with DS3, then while you're trying to stop bf, don't; but then saw he comes in around 4 am, I know it's hard but can you avoid this.

BlackStiltonBoots · 27/02/2013 18:07

Hi monkeys, sorry to hear you need medication. Hope it's nothing too serious.

I really don't know that much about stopping breast feeding, is mastitis a risk if you stop too suddenly? I think I would probably massage a little milk out when you full/painful rather than pump, like Donkeys advises- I think pumping stimulates the supply.

Sounds like your baby slept well last night, did you manage to sleep too?

MiniTheMinx · 27/02/2013 18:55

Hi Monkey, I hope its not too serious and the meds help. I don't know about stopping BF. I know that when you do stop the pain gets worse over about 24 hrs or so and then the milk dries up after a few days but maybe it takes longer to if you have fed for longer. Drinking sage tea is said to help stop milk production.

There are some other remedies here kellymom.com/bf/can-i-breastfeed/herbs/herbs-oversupply/

Glad to hear that your baby had a good night....did you get more sleep too?

Original poster
monkeysbignuts · 02/03/2013 12:33

I stopped breastfeeding. I'm feeling so low now and think I made such a bad mistake.
I am in so much pain :( I can't even cuddle my baby

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/03/2013 15:56

I am sorry just saw this and don't want to read and ignore. When did you stop bf? I don't know what to suggest but your hormones must be playing a part as well as physical pain. Do you have a sports bra to wear for support? Or when at home can you get DH to wrap bandages round yourself? Someone told me they used a fleecey therapeutic heat pad from Argos at night in bed because the warmth will help soothe. Is your DH being supportive?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/03/2013 16:19

Meant to say if you think you have mastitis - redness, soreness, raised temperature or chills then do contact your doctor.

Original poster
monkeysbignuts · 02/03/2013 19:33

Feeling a bit better now. I spoke to a pharmacist who said it was ok to resume feeding so long as I stopped the prozac and don't take anymore microgynon!
That was the most painful 48 hours of my life :( Never again!
I pumped out 3oz before feeding baby and my boobs are back to normal xx

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MoodyDidIt · 02/03/2013 19:41

awww OP

as others have said you are not failing, you are not coping because you are not getting the support you need. i had similar when i had dc1 and my ex was useless (and that was only with ONE dc!)

no real advice i am afraid but just wanted to add to the thread and let you know that you are not alone (((hugs)))x

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/03/2013 23:10

Glad you are already feeling better it must be very difficult going 'cold turkey' in one go. Hope you are able to relax tomorrow.

Original poster
monkeysbignuts · 04/03/2013 17:34

Thanksdonkey's
Had a much better day yesterday and today! I am still making milk and got down to 2 feeds a day, can't do more than that without risking getting too full. Slowly is better :)

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