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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off at DM for saying that my DB "shouldn't bother" buying DD a birthday present ?

10 replies

Fanjounchained · 22/02/2013 17:29

Bit of the background to this one. My brother and I have a strained relationship. He is a recovering alcoholic and after trying to help I more or less washed my hands of him. He ruined countless holidays, Christmases etc and went on a bender around the time of my due date with DS which meant all I heard about from Mum and the rest of family was poor DB this, poor DB that. It completely took away the shine off the fact that this was their first grandchild. He also got pissed and ruined DS's first birthday (we had a party at my parent's) but the icing on the cake for me was the fact he didn't even bother his arse to get a birthday card. Couldn't have cared less about a present but this was his one and only nephew and he doesn't have kids of his own.

Jump forward 5 yrs, he's got his act together and has a new job and partner. Before he got the job there were countless stories about being hard up (they've borrowed loads from Mum and Dad) Mum would tell me a story one day about how she was finished with giving them handouts then the next day she'd be moaning that she'd been taken for a ride again, so I kind of got fed up listening. His new job is extremely well paid and he said to that if he could help us financially in any way just to ask as I lost my job a few years ago. (Btw I will never take him up on this offer) For DS's birthday this year he got him a toy which DS already has from ebay. I told them thanks very much and thought that we could see if we could exchange it for something in Argos or Smyths. Took it to Smyths today and got a credit note for £35 for which I was able to get DS a load of toys that had been reduced and a small table and chairs for him and DD to draw and make things on. Was chuffed that I got so much and fully intended to tell my brother this and thank him again. Came home and spoke to Mum and she comes out with " Oh that's great. Well I'll tell them they don't need to bother buying DD anything then for her birthday. You know how they haven't got much money."

Before anyone mentions the word "grabby" I couldn't actually give a shit about the present as such but am raging at my Mum's attitude.

Go on, tell my I'm being unreasonable....

OP posts:
fryingpantoface · 22/02/2013 18:13

I think your mom is being unreasonable.

Just tell your brother what you did and tell him how grateful you are

attheendoftheday · 22/02/2013 18:14

YANBU! Buying for one child and not the other is not on. Your mum is BU as it's none of her business.

JenaiMorris · 22/02/2013 18:25

Is this DS's second birthday? Is your brother still broke? In which case she has a point.

Having said that, your mother isn't being terribly nice.

I couldn't give a stuff about cards (or presents tbh) so YABU to get in a piss about him not having bought one for your son's first.

JenaiMorris · 22/02/2013 18:26

Missed the new well-paid job bit, sorry Blush

Well your mum is BU for saying what she did, but so are you for setting so much store by birthday gifts and cards.

DublinMammy · 22/02/2013 18:27

Tell your DB what you did and how delighted your DS is, tell your DM to mind her own business and butt out.

GloriaPritchett · 22/02/2013 18:33

Is your mum annoyed that you returned the present?

JenaiMorris · 22/02/2013 18:35

Ummm yes, what DublinMammy said. And ignore my posts Grin

Original poster
Fanjounchained · 22/02/2013 18:59

JenaiMorris...ok will do Grin get what you're saying about perhaps being silly over birthday cards but in our family the kid's birthdays (especially first ones ) are usually acknowledged with at least a card. On top of this he'd made out how it was going to be so fantastic to be DS's only uncle (OH only has one sister so no uncles on his side). It's DS's 5th birthday.

GloriaPritchett no I don't think she's annoyed. She's just too bloody concerned about what other people think. When I said to her that DS already had the toy (and he barely plays with the one we got him) it made sense to return it and get something else, she was like "oh don't say to DB and his partner incase they're offended". Then I find out that she's gone ahead and told them anyway that this is what I was going to do.

I love my Mum really but think OH has a point when he says she gets too blood involved in things.

OP posts:
honeytea · 22/02/2013 20:06

Maybe your mum just thinks your kids don't need any extra toys if you just went and for a load. Could you ask your DB for vouchers for a kids clothes shop?

Original poster
Fanjounchained · 22/02/2013 21:22

honeytea He bought the toy abroad (where he works) and didn't have a receipt so couldn't return it for a refund. If I asked him for vouchers for clothes then that would be even more expense for him. The only other option would be to let the duplicate toy sit in DS's room and not be played with. I thought the sensible thing would therefore let him choose something he liked himself even if it was another toy.

Anyways, you've convinced me that I'm not BU. Have emailed brother and his partner and they said no problem.

OP posts:
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