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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for the present back?

28 replies

FireOverBabylon · 22/02/2013 15:05

We live next door to a little girl who is a few months older than DS(3). This morning she called over the fence that it's her birthday and she's having her party this afternoon in another village. We were invited to her 3rd birthday party but I presumed not this one because of its location. I also commented to DH that it doesn't seem a year since that party... feel free to skip the rest of this if you know what happens next

I'm off work ill so got out of bed and got a soft toy out of the car boot, which I'd bought for a friend's new baby girl and gave it to DH and DS, to wrap up and take round once DH was dressed, and went back to bed.

They went round, birthday girl in bath so left present on doorstep. Now, DH and DS have just gone out and were met by birthday girl's mum, somewhat baffled because her birthday's in April. Hmm

I know that she's only a 3.8 year old girl, but would it be really mean to ask for the gift back? It isn't her birthday, plus I, and I presume her mother, don't want her thinking she can get presents out of other people by saying it's her birthday when it's not, and the toy was hand knit by a work colleague so I can't get another one for the baby who should have been given it - she said it was such a faff that she wouldn't knit one again. Sad

Birthday girl also has a little sister (1). Had I chosen to randomly buy soft toys for them, I'd have got one each for them, not just one for the older daughter, leaving her little sister out.

Do I suck it up and buy another gift for the new baby, or go round tonight, after the girls are in bed, and ask mum for the toy back, so it's not being wrenched out of the hands of the "birthday" girl if she's playing with it? I know, we shouldn't have taken the word of a 3 year old on this, but I did hear her mum telling her about 30 minutes later that there wouldn't be any party if she didn't come and get ready. I just now know that she wasn't going to her own.....

OP posts:
PhyllisDoris · 22/02/2013 15:12

The other mum should offer the present back, surely? It shouldn't be up to you to ask.

If it's not offered, I would definitely ask for it back.

HairyHandedTrucker · 22/02/2013 15:13

yanbu, mother should have brought it back anyway. get in touch now as will be all disgusting and handled by the time you get it back

OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly · 22/02/2013 15:15

What a chancer! (the little girl, I mean)

What exactly did "birthday" girl's mum say to your DH & DS? If it had been me, I'd have met them with the pressie in hand to give it back immediately - I'm surprised she didn't.

Did she give any indication of why not (e.g. "I'll get it out of her room later"?)

If she didn't, I'd be round there to get it back - say something like
"Do you mind giving me the toy back? I'd actually got it specifically for someone else but gave it to your DD in a panic as I thought I'd missed her birthday. Now the other child will be delighted she's getting it after all."

Original poster
FireOverBabylon · 22/02/2013 15:17

No sign of it returning so far. Sad

I would have hoped she'd have handed it to DH when they spoke. I don't want to spread lurgy so might persuade DH to go round when he gets back.

OP posts:
Bejeena · 22/02/2013 15:17

I would tell the mother to keep the gift for her until April in that case? Would that work? Then you don't have to get a gift in April.

Original poster
FireOverBabylon · 22/02/2013 15:19

Birthday girl's mum just said she was a bit baffled as to why they'd received the present.

OP posts:
Original poster
FireOverBabylon · 22/02/2013 15:24

I've just thought, both adults next door smoke Sad Not indoors, but even so. I'm not sure I want to give it to a new baby of a non-smoking couple now. Would washing it in a pillow case be enough to get remnants of tobacco smoke from the air / clothes off it? Sad

OP posts:
SilverClementine · 22/02/2013 15:29

The toxic smoke hangs around on soft furnishings for around two hours after the last cigarette.

I'm super fussy about these things, but even I would be inclined to wash it and think it would be fine.

Odd she still hasn't given it back. I'd ask for it back and give it a good wash.

ChristmasJubilee · 22/02/2013 15:36

Get something else for the new baby. When it comes to the little girls birthday just get a card and a small chocolate bar and write in the card " sorry I was early with your pressie".

Mimstar · 22/02/2013 15:45

I'd let her keep it, she won't really understand I don't think, I'd feel a bit tight taking it back especially if she liked it. But I'm soft. I just think fairplay to the little actress Grin

usualsuspect · 22/02/2013 15:48

I'd let her keep it. I think it's quite funny TBH. Grin

AnaisB · 22/02/2013 15:49

Is it just me that thinks that's pretty good for a 3 year old? I guess you'd not be unreasonable to ask for it back,but I'd only do it out of financial necessity.

AnaisB · 22/02/2013 15:50

x posts mim and usual

cakebar · 22/02/2013 15:52

I would let her keep it, but just give a card in April.

Cherriesarelovely · 22/02/2013 15:52

I don't think YABU but I wouldn't ask for it back. I would offer it back though if I were them.

Floggingmolly · 22/02/2013 15:54

Why didn't you explain what happened when the mum proclaimed herself "baffled"? Surely if she knew her daughter claimed it was her birthday, she'd offer the gift back?

RafflesWay · 22/02/2013 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeadfirstForHalos · 22/02/2013 15:55

I think it's funny too :)

I'd do the card and small chocolate bar for her birthday thing that ChristmasJubilee suggested.

Feminine · 22/02/2013 15:57

She is 3, hardly unusual to make something up.

YANBU but you can't take it back now.

I think you should just chalk it up to one of those weird days....:)

Oh, but I would be surprised if the Mum didn't give it back ...maybe she will?

AnaisB · 22/02/2013 15:59

It would be mean to not buy her a present on her birthday - she'll have forgotten about this long before then. She didn't even ask for the present - she just pretended it was her birthday.

malteserzz · 22/02/2013 15:59

I'd just laugh about it and buy something else for the baby, you can't ask for it back !

PenguinBear · 22/02/2013 16:00

Ask for the gift back!!

pigletmania · 22/02/2013 16:00

Yabu I am afraid, she is only 3. If that toy meant so much why did you give it to her as a present Hmm, why not rush out Tesco or Asda and get her something. Yes it would be very rude to ask for it back, her birthday is only next month so parents might be keeping it back until then

Buzzardbird · 22/02/2013 16:08

I am going to try this on my DH (he won't have a clue when my birthday actually is) Grin

EstherRancid · 22/02/2013 16:11

you can't ask for it back, let the wee girl have it, you were happy enough for her to have it until you found out she'd duped you

it does read a bit mealy if you want it back now