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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a library activity session is not the place for Cbeebies?

26 replies

GingerbreadGretel · 21/02/2013 13:31

We were at a library craft and story session this morning. One of the mums there had a toddler who spent almost the whole session watching Boogie Beebies loudly on her phone.

He was a sweet little boy and didn't seem to have been causing any particular nuisance before the show went on.

I know libraries have got more accepting of kid's noise and so on. But television? Am I a luddite? Or is this really pretty sad?

OP posts:
nevermindthecrocodiles · 21/02/2013 14:21

I think that's ridiculous - why go if you're just going to watch tv? Poor child, he'll miss out Sad I think it's a stupid thing to do, but then I am a book-obsessive luddite.

Did the mother get lots of judge-y looks from other parents?

Original poster
GingerbreadGretel · 21/02/2013 14:26

No, she got no judgey looks at all! Which seemed weird in itself to me.

OP posts:
Charltonangel · 21/02/2013 14:28

Seems a bit pointless to go to an interactive session and then watch TV! And I think libraries should be TV free personally - pretty much everywhere else has them...

Original poster
GingerbreadGretel · 21/02/2013 14:35

Yes, it was a lovely session and the poor chap didn't really get to be part of it.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 21/02/2013 14:37

Did she have an older child who was joining in with her?

Original poster
GingerbreadGretel · 21/02/2013 14:41

She had a couple of other older boys. They were happily engaged though, it was not done to give them more attention.

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silverfrog · 21/02/2013 14:43

this could have been me, several years ago.

dd1 has (severe) ASD. I tried and tried (and needed to, for my own sanity) to get out and about to various sessions when she was little. invariably, we woudl get thee, and she would expect there to be a certain rundown of activities.

so, for eg, if we had been in the library the previous week, and I had given her my phone to watch somethign while I had a rare 2 minutes peace to choose books, she would naturally want my phone again when we went into the library.

I woudl use it as sparingly as I could, and occasionally useit as a reward for doing somethign I wanted (ie 'breaking' cycle a bit). so maybe I owuld want her to walk into the library, rather than be carried, and sit for 2 minutes attending before getting my phone. that would count as a success (at that point) for me, and I would happily hand over my phone.

what people observing (judging or not - up to them!) would not know is that we might have been working for weeks just to get to that point. they would see a charming toddler, who was at no point behaving 'badly', who was given an electronic toy instead of attending the lovely craft/story/play session. and they woudl see a 'pushover' mum who 'gave in' to everything the toddler wanted (seemingly).

sometimes, what you see is not what is actually happening, iyswim.

midastouch · 21/02/2013 14:46

i dont understand why anyone would go to a library session to watch tv, surely you do that indoors? Confused

Sirzy · 21/02/2013 14:47

So the younger child was bored but she didn't want to take the older ones away from what they were enjoying. I dont see an issue other than perhaps she should have had it a bit quieter

Original poster
GingerbreadGretel · 21/02/2013 14:52

Silverfrog, you may well be right. It was very LOUD though. I might be wrong, but I would have thought if it was part of a planned reward system, then maybe you might work to get the child used to a quieter volume before using it in a library? Maybe that is naïve of me, I don't know. I could hear all the words the Boogie Beebies man was saying quite clearly from the other side of the group.

OP posts:
Original poster
GingerbreadGretel · 21/02/2013 14:56

I guess the issue for me was the volume and that it was distracting. If she'd popped a bit further away from the group, so she could see her older kids but all the other kids did not see one watching TV it might have been a bit different.

I guess I am being judgey. I was genuinely surprised though, it is not something it would occur to me to do in a library or a café. I understand games, etc, but watching a TV programme and having other people able to hear it seemed different to me.

OP posts:
silverfrog · 21/02/2013 14:59

well certainly I had the volume low-ish for dd1, but ime the sound can carry (and particularly on Boogie Beebies!)

who knows whether that was what was even happening, but just wanted to put across an alternative, iyswim. tbh, at that age, dd1 was more likely to have her favourite book as a reinforcer, which I had copied and laminated so that she was able to have it with her wherever we went, in all weathers. so it would have been me reciting to her that disturbed the group rather than my phone/ipod.

dd1 is 8 now, and still cannot tolerate headphones, and so we have done a lot of work on having her ipad at an acceptable volume in public, and she is really good at this. however, if dd2 has had her mitts on it beforehand, it is guaranteed that the volume will be higher, and it can be really tricky to change the volume once something has started playing (dd1 thinks I am turning it off, and so might go into meltdown), and so maybe the volume was an accident?

Original poster
GingerbreadGretel · 21/02/2013 15:01

I don't blame your DD on the headphones thing - I hate them!

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silverfrog · 21/02/2013 15:02

I have handed my ipod over on train journeys etc, for the dds to watch programmes. I view it as: if the noise from the ipod is at the same level (or, preferably slightly lower) than we/they woudl be making in conversation, then it is ok. after all, if dd1 wasn't watching that, I would be reading/reciting/singing to her constantly instead, and so the noise would be there anyway in some form.

Original poster
GingerbreadGretel · 21/02/2013 15:07

I had someone look angry on the train recently when I was reading a book to my kids... it was quite a sweet Christmas story too. Sad They never said anything, but lots of disapproving looks for the whole journey.

I hope I haven't turned into one of THOSE people. I was perfectly nice to the woman at the library, honest! Just asked on here afterwards...

OP posts:
silverfrog · 21/02/2013 15:13

oh, I had hate looks on a flight to the States once - dd1 was about 4, and I was reading to her. now I know the Gruffalo isn't everyone's cup of tea, but honestly - what else was /i supposed to do? leave her to cry and kick the seat in front Grin Wink

tbh, if what I am doing to entertain my children is at an acceptable noise level then I ignore stares - I've sung, recited and read my way around just about everywhere now, and bollocks to anyone who thinks it odd.

MariusEarlobe · 21/02/2013 15:22

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MariusEarlobe · 21/02/2013 15:25

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MrsTerryPratchett · 21/02/2013 15:33

OK silverfrog I have wanted to ask someone this and you brought up flights. There was a woman with her DS on a flight recently. I assume he was on the spectrum. She was a bloody saint dealing with his behaviours really well and apart from low level humming and the like, there was no disruption for anyone else but her/him. She was getting some evils from people (as was I, I had a toddler). So I smiled at her a couple of times. Would this be; annoying and patronising or an indication of solidarity?

silverfrog · 21/02/2013 15:41

tbh, MrsTP, how I took it would entirely depend on how I was feeling that day.

I am not a saint, after all, just a parent dealing with my children. I am sure you have had days where a smile from an onlooker/passerby has tipped you over into 'grrrr, what do they know, I was only doing my best!' yet on other days that same passer by with a smile might hve elicited a feeling of camaraderie.

same for me - if I am feeling stressed, and think tht I/dd1 have been annoying other passengers unduly, I might think it a patronising smile. If I feel it has all gone to the best of my abilities, then I might take it as awe for my amazing maternal skills Grin

or it could be somewhere in between, and I recognise the inward-stifled sigh and eye roll of a parent dealing with just the same shit I am - non-stop child entertainer on a longhaul flight!

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/02/2013 15:48

I call her a saint because she had a large DC on her lap, rocking and entertaining him for 9 hours. As did I. I'm a saint too Grin. Anyone who takes a child on a transatlantic flight alone should be met with paparazzi and flowers. She just had that grey-faced look, the one I saw in the mirror on the flight.

Sorry for the derail everyone, it was worrying me.

Original poster
GingerbreadGretel · 21/02/2013 15:51

Marius, it wasn't deadly quiet, no, but the librarians were trying to tell stories which went with the craft and Boogiebeebies did make that much harder.

But I do get why you are and others are saying that IABU.

I still, personally, think that loud TV at the library is not ideal if it could be avoided. But it is true that I don't know her full situation and maybe she couldn't avoid it.

It is not something I have seen (heard) before, which is why I asked.

OP posts:
MariusEarlobe · 21/02/2013 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Librarina · 21/02/2013 16:44

This is why I like Mumsnet. It reminds me to look at all sides of a story and to be a bit more tolerant

(I am typing this hiding upstairs in my office while a group of very loud children are playing, running and shouting in my library. They are of course allowed to do this, and being lovely Librarians we wouldn't shush them, but they make it a bit hard to concentrate. It's a hard lesson to learn, that Libraries are for all different sorts of users and sometimes their needs are conflicting)

Charltonangel · 23/02/2013 08:18

On the flight thing, why don't they have designated 'family friendly' flights. Can you imagine? No more evils from people when you get priority boarding, no more being told your child can't look out of the window as the light is disturbing people trying to sleep at 1 in the afternoon (I kid you not), no more disapproving glares as your child toddles up and down the aisles - just a cacophony of nursery rhymes and peppa pig on iPads.