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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be hating this holiday?

27 replies

MortifiedAdams · 21/02/2013 11:30

Driven six hours for a mass family & friends holiday and dd (1.2) has woken numerous times a night....joy during the day but not a happy sleeper!...dh and I are loggerheads over how to handle the night wakings (him - cry it out, me - comfort her back to sleep)....we try and discuss it in the daytime but the only real place we have is our bedroom and dd sleeps in there..
So invariably we end up arguing at 3am about how to resettle dd.

My parents (on holiday with us), keep asking to have her in their accomodationovernight to give us a brrak but they arent listening when I say no thank you. Shr is waking numerous times and I think thats down to being in a strange place in a strange bed with lots of new faces. Plus, i work FT so this holiday is time to spend with her - not have her taken ovrrnight or for the day. I feel guilty at how I am.now respondning to my parents aboit it but they ask all day every day.

I need and want to confide in DH but I feel so.angry at his insistamce of doing cry it out that I can barely look at him

OP posts:
shushpenfold · 21/02/2013 11:35

Feel for you - very, very difficult to deal with it for both of you. May I check - is your daughter 14 months or 1 month 2 days (or something else)

I would be dealing with it very differently depending on the first age (sorry - agree with dh) or the second age (agree with you)

In answer to your question though, no - YANBU as it sounds like hell!

Pigsmummy · 21/02/2013 11:41

Agree a plan during the day, when you are at a low ebb in the middle of the night isn't a good time to discuss this and your baby will just cry even more if you are rowing. Maybe try one night his way and the next night your way?

You are not being unreasonable but I am sure that you are tired, I hope it gets better for you

ImNotCute · 21/02/2013 11:42

That sound grim, sorry you're not enjoying your holiday.

With regard to the arguments with dh- even if you were happy to do cry it out, it would not be the best time to do it while you're away and everything is unfamiliar.

Can you suggest to dh you get through this week without leaving her to scream, but that you'll sit down and have a calm discussion about how to tackle the wakings when you're back home?

RedHotRudieParts · 21/02/2013 11:44

Stop being a martyr and let your mum have her overnight so you and dh can get a good sleep, you'll tackle things much better with a clear head.

Catsdontcare · 21/02/2013 11:49

I think you need to do two things

  1. let your mum take her for a night and get a proper nights sleep. Night time weaklings aren't quality time with your dd.

  2. agree with your dh that whilst on holiday you will continue to get up and settle her to sleep, no point in trying anything new in a strange place and that you will sit down and discuss how to deal with it properly when you get home.

You sound at the end of your rope give yourself a break and accept some help.

Scholes34 · 21/02/2013 11:52

Agree - let your mum take her for one night. I'm sure you'd want to do the same for your DD in similar circumstances in time to come.

Original poster
MortifiedAdams · 21/02/2013 11:55

Whilst we have done CIO at home in the past, I dont think on holiday is the time or place to do it again. Nor, I suspect, would the people sleeping in the rooms next door.

Its my parents holiday too, so they would have a night of being up and down. Theyve raised their kids - I dont want them to have a shit nights sleep for mine. Also, my DM is of the 'leave them to cry' mentality and I think dd is already upset at being somewhere odd - I dont want her being left to cry in their accomodation.

Dd is 1yo2mo. She has slept really well since birth, cant complain, but this holiday has knocked her sleeping for six. I cant wait to get home.and put her in her own bed.

Dh and I get time to ourselves in the day - he had the lie in this morning and I will have an afternoon nap.

OP posts:
HeadfirstForHalos · 21/02/2013 12:01

Let your parents take her for a night!They wouldn't keep offering if they didn't mean it. It's hardly quality holiday time with your dd for you is it?

Plus you say it's your parents holiday too, but they must be picking up on your "crap holiday" vibes, which isn't exactly going to enhance their holiday experience. At least they aren't annoyed about it, just concerned and wanting to help :)

SenoritaViva · 21/02/2013 12:14

Definitely let your parents have her for the night. That will firstly stop them harassing you, secondly stop you can DH fighting about it and also give you a break.

It is not quality time you are spending with her in the night time. I partly think you can DH are fighting because you are so tired.

If you really can't bear her to go to your parents for the night then can't you can DH tag team and get a good 2 hour snooze during the day. Yes you might miss out on two hours with your daughter, but the rest of the time will be greatly improved by you feeling more awake and happier.

EuroShagmore · 21/02/2013 12:15

Yep, let your parents have her and get a night's rest.

ChasedByBees · 21/02/2013 12:22

I have a DD the same age as yours (and the same sleeping) and I feel for you. In fact we've just got back from a trip away and the sleep was horrendous.

I'd chose the same options as you too. Can you say to your DH, we're not doing CIO. Any further discussion is just going to make us argue. If your DM would also chose CIO then that's not an option either.

So then it's just a case of getting through the holiday. I find co-sleeping with DD allows us both to get some sleep.

Not much advice but Brew and sympathy.

HindsightisaMarvellousThing · 21/02/2013 12:25

On a practical note, is your DD in a travel cot or something different to normal? Is there enough padding for her to be comfortable?

My DD did this at about on holiday, normally a great sleeper, but woke every 60-90 mins on holiday. It was the travel cot - the mattress wasn't comfortable for her, and once we added a folded up quilt for her to sleep on, she was fine and slept as normal.

Original poster
MortifiedAdams · 21/02/2013 12:31

Thanks for the ears to sound off to. Internet connection here is crap so am struggling to stay online.

Ive had a chat with my dad and DH. They had asked DH if they could have dd but not asked me - had repeatedely said "we are having her....we are kidnapping....we are taking her regardless" hence my annoyance - we are the parents so ask dont tell.

Ive also saod to dh that I will.not do CIO again this holiday and probably.not ever. I have said wr should, at home, agree a time to go.into her (dh seems to call the shots on what is an appropriate length of time to leave her cry but gives me no indaction of what that is and makes.me feel like shit if I go to her before this 'magic time')

Bloody hell. The only good thing about this trip is the fact that all those hours filled by work are now filled with wonderful dd. Tbf thats a pretty good thing, but I dont feel at all restful or relaxed.

OP posts:
Original poster
MortifiedAdams · 21/02/2013 12:35

Yes, she is in a travel cot. She is very long and only has a couple of inches at each end space. I imagine the mattress is uncomfortable so will add a duvet or similar under her sheet.

For the first few nights, at about 4am, we would transfer her to her stroller (padded lie flat seat) for the rest of the night but dh was worried that this would be a bad habit (she naps in her stroller in the daytime), so we didnt do it last night.

Ive never coslept and this is a small double (king at home) with a crazily thick duvet and its quite high, so im not happy to start that here.

Just noticed theres two mattresses on our bed - I could take.one and put it on the floor for dd.....would she be safe?

OP posts:
honeytea · 21/02/2013 12:47

I think the matress on the floor sounds like a good idea if the room is fairly safe, what does she sleep in? If she sleeps in a sleepingbag she won't be able to crawl off and get into dangerous places.

I think you need to sit your DP down and tell him how the worry about him pushing cio is preventing you from enjoying the holiday and say you don't want him to mention it again.

if I were in the situation i would let the baby sleep in the pushchair, not ideal but if it means you all have a better nights sleep and a nicer holiday it is worth it. Maybe she just wants something familia.

Could your parents have dd whilst you had a nap in the day?

I hope things get better for you.

worldgonecrazy · 21/02/2013 12:52

Mattress or cosleep. As she is over 1 year old she is more than capable of pushing off the duvet if she gets too hot.

Crinkle77 · 21/02/2013 13:00

I am sure your parents would not have offered if they did not mean it. They might be tired the next day but it is only one night and can catch up on their sleep the next night. If you are not happy about doing that ask if they can have the baby for a few hours during the day or in the morning so you can catch up on sleep

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 21/02/2013 13:04

Let your parents help - they can obviously see that you and DH are at the ends of your respective tethers and they are trying to help!

I would also do the mattress thing - have you got a mattress in your travel cot or just the hard thing that they call a mattress that comes with it?

Lafaminute · 21/02/2013 13:12

I would do whatever it takes to get you and her a good nights sleep. A holiday with kids (and this still stands when they are much older!) is only a holiday when the kids are happy so do whatever you need to do. Agree it's your parents holiday too but for them its only one night!! If you do go with that way then put in ear plugs and let them cope - they will. I would have had the same attitude as you and then got very sick and had no choice but to let my DM take baby for several nights - she coped better than I ever would've thought because she wasn't as keyed up as I would've been. Try her on the mattress on the floor - even if you have to sleep next to her. I've always co-slept with my kids when necessary and I think they've not been damaged too much by it!

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 21/02/2013 14:00

Agree that on holiday, in a strange place where sleep tends to go to pot is not the place for sleep training (although I'm not anti-it per-se and did pro-actively night wean DS at 6mo).

I feel for you as we had the same thing a few weeks ago on holiday- DD who is not the best sleeper but not terrible either, woke at least once every 2 hrs- her record was 16 separate wakings in 7 hours. What helped was that I would get up for DD in the night, but then DH would take her at 6am and gather up DS and keep them out of the way for a few hrs so I could sleep- could you ask your parents to do this for a morning instead?. I also drank lots of wine and ate lots of chocoalte Grin

Also agree with mattress on the floor- might well solve it, and for a 1 yr old to sleep in a stroller for a few hours is totally fine too.

ChasedByBees · 21/02/2013 14:05

How come your DH gets to set how you will do sleep training? That doesn't sound so healthy if you're dictated to like that. Your parents saying they'll 'kidnap' your DD would have me bristling too.

ChasedByBees · 21/02/2013 14:06

PS we take an extra mattress for a travel cot when travelling. The one provided is always too thin. She'll be fine on a mattress on the floor if the room has been baby proofed.

Original poster
MortifiedAdams · 21/02/2013 14:52

Room not babyproofed but she will be in a growbag so pretty immobile. And like another poster says I could lie with her.

I hate that dh seems to set how we act on a night time. He does an awful lot of the night wakings so I would never tell him how we are going to do it but maybe im too soft and let him have too much say!!

OP posts:
Original poster
MortifiedAdams · 22/02/2013 16:14

Thank you thank you for suggesting extra layers on her cotbed mattress - I put a coverlet and a fleece blanket under the bottom sheet and she slept 6.30pm til 7am!!!!!

And dh and my parents have took her out for the day today!

OP posts:
HindsightisaMarvellousThing · 22/02/2013 16:17

Am so pleased for you all. DH and I had a similar holiday a few years ago, and I didn't realise about the extra mattress thing until after the holiday, hence why I thought it might be the same thing for you now.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday!