AIBU about this loan

[SickOfWinter]

I lent a friend £1500 almost two years ago. She said she needed the money for a deposit/first months rent for a house for her and her child as she was leaving her partner, who she claimed had treated her pretty badly. I had known this 'friend' for about 5 years and had no reason to doubt what she had told me. I had this amount as I had recently been made redundant and had no qualms in lending it to her, she was supposed to pay me back 2 weeks later. Gradually I saw less and less of her but didn't think anything of it at the time, she said she was busy and when a group of us met up in the evenings she said she couldn't get a babysitter, perfectly feasible as she is a single mum. Anyway to cut a long story short, she started to ignore my texts/emails and it later transpired that she borrowed the same amount from another friend for the same deposit etc. Every few months I catch up with her and she tells me how awful things have been and I end up feeling really sorry for but recently I have started to feel really fed up about this debt as things are rubbish for me and my DH financially and this money would really help to make things a bit easier. She has ignored my last 7 attempts to contact her and I haven't heard from her for nearly 5 months. I know she is fine as I have friends with children at the same school as her DC, there seems no point sending anymore texts or emails as these are just ignored - would I be unreasonable in confronting her outside the school gates after half term? After her DC had gone into school obviously....

Unless you have a written agreement there is very little you can do. It would be your word against hers. If you do take the direct approach, then you could very well find yourself on the end of a police visit for threatening behaviour or harassment.

Again, unless you have it in writing, it would be futile to go to the small claims court.

If you start a whispering campaign at the school gates, again, its is intimidation, harassment.

I doubt you have any hope of getting it back - sadly you have to chalk it up to experience.

She clearly has no intention of paying you back. I wouldn't bother with confronting. You need to start writing calm, but serious letters asking for the debt back. I'm not sure if you would like to take her to court, but I definitely think you should give her the impression that you are going to if she doesn't pay up.

In the future, don't lend anyone money if you expect to get it back. If you have to lend money, make a contract that you both sign, in regards to amount loaned and repayment date!

In your position (and I have been more than once ) I suggest you write to her outlining the original deal, (hand it in person) and saying you?d like the whole amount back now, but assume the reason she?s not responded to the previous seven attempts to talk to her is because she?s unable to pay in one lump and is embarrassed, and state she needs to write back with how and when she will be repaying and in the meantime you will be expecting X amount monthly affordable payment schedule, making sure it?s physically easy for her to pay. (ie set up a PO account that cash can go into weekly)
Don?t allow it to be she?ll hand you cash in dribs and drabs, (so she?s able to say sorry not this week etc) make it through an account.

If she ignores it send an identical letter by registered post, with a letter warning of court action. By doing this even if she doesn?t respond at all you have paperwork to start a small claims court case with. My experience is SCC will take the view that failure to be up in arms that she doesn?t owe you speaks for itself.

My experience is also people like this are usually chaotic and actually need to be helped to do what they ought to do out of decency, and don?t mean to 'bite the hand that fed them', but do anyway. Only one had to actually go to court.

It may be annoying but if you want your money back, it?s the best way of getting it ime.

It?s hard if you have a heart, know how crap life can be, and are just a bit better off than the person you want to help, but the rule of never lend more than you can afford to lose, is the only way of staying that little bit better off than them.

Thanks very much for all the advice, I will get writing later tonight! Will never be so stupid again....