So dh has a sore back and is blaming me

[lottie63]

I had to leave at 7am for work. Dh didn't need to be in until 12. It's half term and I, as seems to be the default, organised childcare in advance for dd1, aged 8 to be taken care of by a friend who has a similar aged daughter. Friend asks if dd1 could bring her bike so they could both have a ride together. I thought this was a good idea and agreed. Dh is now blaming me for his sore back as he said he twisted it wheeling a bike whilst carrying his heavy bag. He got really quite nasty this morning, ie. his tone of voice. I said hd could hv asked dd2 (aged 11) to wheel it on the 20 min walk around to friend's house. Alternatively, if he'd thought it was going to be a problem, he could have asked me to take his bag to work in the car (both work at same business premises). Do you think I'm being unreasonable or is he out of order here, blaming me?

I ve learned, out of desperation more than anything (cause we can't afford to keep getting workpeople in) to try and fix things myself. Also I think it's good for children to develop a 'can do' ethos so want to foster that in my girls. Am thinking I'm not currently getting very much in return, especially when I'm getting blamed for something that's of his own choosing...so, I guess, yes, a deeper flaw... which I suppose takes it out of AIBU and drops it unceremoniously into Relationships really, doesn t it...

Sadly, lottie ; yes. It's not about his bad back, but his bad attitude, isn't it? He sounds horrendous to live with.

Clouds - I find your post disturbing. My ex stropped many times a day for no reason at all - he would blow up at nothing and everything and 5 mins later expected everything to be normal. I never could get him to understand that it's NOT ok to treat your nearest and dearest as a verbal whipping post and stress buster.

And I know you said 'occasionally' but in my experience of only one marriage and never again it never is just 'occasionally'.

My dh told me that it was my fault he got a speeding ticket as I should have told him he was doing 40 in a 30 limit . Men blame . He should have put his bag down first or get fitter before carrying both . Not your fault he.

Well, I strop ocassionally. I had a strop at DH a few weeks ago when a minor yet very annoying issue meant I was going to be late for work. Then I stropped even more because he said he was going to fix said minor issue but he took forever to even start. And it was early, and I hadn't had coffee yet, which tends to make a difference in how well I react to things in the morning.

But I apologised later, and my DH is well aware how much he is loved, respected and appreciated by me.

I'd think he was a twat if he held a grudge about it and started calling me names because of one occasion when I reacted badly to something.

We love each other and share almost every aspect of our lives. That means that we will see the worst of each other sometimes, because we are human. We forgive each other for minor misdemeanours.

Blaming your wife for putting your own back out isn't a minor misdemeanour though is it?

Yanbu. He's being a twat.

If it's any consolation, mine does do this as well - it is literally never his fault. But then he'd probably say the same about me.