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Original poster

To wonder how does one become "wittier"

26 replies

Mosman · 21/02/2013 00:56

Apparently that is what I lack, it is what is missing from my marriage the ability to make banter and make him laugh.

Now obviously I've told him he'll not be laughing for a while after my solicitor has been in touch with the divorce papers but I am now a bit worried.

I can be a miserable bugger at times and look on the dark side rather than the bright.
What can be done about it though ?

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 21/02/2013 00:57

I find not living with a cheating twunt works wonders for my sense of humour.

Seriously, Mosman, he is not telling you that he's been fucking other women because you aren't witty enough, is he? The lowlife wankbadger.

MidnightMasquerader · 21/02/2013 00:58

Didn't he know this about you before he married you, though?

Or were you witty before marriage life ground you down?

deleted203 · 21/02/2013 00:58

Nothing, you are fine as you are! Seriously - you are going to listen to the opinion of a tosser you are busily serving divorce papers on??

Why the fuck?

monsterchild · 21/02/2013 00:59

It's ok to be looking on the dark side as long as you're sarcastic about it.

Watch more Monty Python, and read more Kurt Vonnegut

montmartre · 21/02/2013 01:00

Are you okay mosman? Maybe he was making you a 'miserable bugger'? Wink

montmartre · 21/02/2013 01:08

Ah, sorry- I think I missed an earlier thread perhaps.

I still hope you're okay though Thanks

TheChaoGoesMu · 21/02/2013 01:13

Goodness me, I suspect your wittier side may come to the forefront once you are free of this twat. Hope you are ok.

Original poster
Mosman · 21/02/2013 01:28

Thank you, I do worry I'm humourless though.

I'm not the life and soul of the party type if I even manage to drag myself there in the first place.

But yes apparently that is what is lacking from me, great body, reasonable face, mother of his four kids, washing his pants is not enough I was to provide a fucking punch and judy show in the evenings too.

OP posts:
conantg · 21/02/2013 01:45

"Provide a fucking Punch and Judy show". Hahaha! You are witty, and he is a twunt.

tabulahrasa · 21/02/2013 01:46

I'm a miserable bugger - people tell me I'm funny, mostly when I wasn't trying to be Hmm.

Who sits about of an evening exchanging witty banter? Mostly I wash school uniforms and moan about stuff he's done or not done - sometimes we watch tv at the same time and count it as doing something together, lol.

HecateWhoopass · 21/02/2013 07:40

You can't. People who try to be funny are the least funny people on the planet.

Anyway, if you were the funniest person in the world, I'm sure he'd find something else to criticise. I seriously doubt it's actually about how funny or not you are.

I tell you this though - people are funnier, lighter, chattier - when they're happy. So perhaps when you're free of mr nastyarse, you may discover there's a lot to be happy about.

Being negative - a glass half empty person - that you can do something about. You can train yourself. It means faking it in the short term but you can retrain yourself. I've done it, so I know it can be done.

Original poster
Mosman · 21/02/2013 10:20

I need CBT I think to turn around my thinking, how have I sunk this low that I'm trying to work out what I can change about me ?

OP posts:
MerryCouthyMows · 21/02/2013 10:22

What a cunt.

If you weren't already divorcing the cheating twatbag, I'd say LTB!

Grin Wink

MerryCouthyMows · 21/02/2013 10:28

And you ARE witty. Darkly witty. Which is on a par with my sense if humour.

You don't need CBT, Mosman, you need a diet. One where you lose 13 stone (guessing!) of useless lard. The quickest diet that achieves that is a divorce.

Seriously, stop questioning yourself. It isn't about YOU. This is part of the script that ALL cheating scumbags use, to try to deflect THEIR guilt.

They find all manner of frankly stupid reasons for why they cheated, usually putting down the person they have cheated on.

In their brain, it 'excuses' them from staying faithful.

In fact, there IS nothing wrong with you, apart from your STBXH.

He is what was wrong with your life, and I can guarantee you that in a short time, you will feel like a new person, without him dragging you down.

For months, during his affair, he will have been 'demonising' you in his head, to try to justify his betrayal to himself. None of it is true, it is just HIS way of assuaging his guilt. Don't take any of it to heart.

Know that it is HIM with the issues, NOT you!

tallwivglasses · 21/02/2013 10:29

Well you made me lol Grin

MerryCouthyMows · 21/02/2013 10:29

And the reason you feel like you have 'sunk this low' is because HE has pulled you this low.

Been there, got the t-shirt, came out the other side a happier (and wittier!) person.

KellyElly · 21/02/2013 10:42

I was to provide a fucking punch and judy show in the evenings too. That's funny Grin

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 21/02/2013 10:43

What a knob Shock

I'm a dark side of death life sort of person too, and since I'm hurtling to being a "leftover woman" in the eyes of the Chinese government, I'm not feeling too witty either. Perhaps we could form a cult - the Guild of Darkness and Despair or something - and hunt down people like your ex and torture the wit right them.

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 21/02/2013 10:45

oh for heaven's sake. " towards being" and "wit right out of them"

I also fail at proof reading my posts.

CartedOff · 21/02/2013 11:31

Mosman, you are you who you are, and that's no bad thing! You can't force yourself to behave in a certain way just to please some idiot who would probably have found another thing to pick out. As for being the life of the party, well, most people aren't that type. Don't tie yourself up in knots trying to make yourself enjoy something or say certain witty things because it seems "right".

Remember what came first: the cheating. Then the excuses, the justifications, the vague explanation of your faults to explain his choices and his actions. Do you see how nonsensical it is for him to argue that your faults drove him to cheat and behave like a jerk?

What I always think when it comes to these people is that even if you were perfect in every possible way they'd probably whine that "You didn't need me enough" or "You made me feel bad about myself". There's always a line.

Pigsmummy · 21/02/2013 11:37

It's not you, if you were happy then you would find things funnier, don't force it.

Take this opportunity to redefine your life and decide what you want, find someone who appreciates your values rather run you down and when you or he leaves make sure that you have pissed in his mouth wash, just a capful and rinse the cap after so he doesnt suspect anything. That will improve your humour.

Hesterton · 21/02/2013 11:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaQueen · 21/02/2013 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mosman · 21/02/2013 12:30

I love it - thanks girls/guys

OP posts:
Brodicea · 21/02/2013 13:57

He is a cock.

An Ex boyfriend 'wasn't IN love with me' because: I had a coat from Millets (not an evening fur at all times), was working class (yes, those were the words he used), and have a weird toe. Before we spilt up he actually asked me 'are other woman funny like you?' - as he was counting up my points in the top-trumps of women.

In reality he was a very boring guy, with a job he hated and a drink problem. He wasn't worth my time and energy.

He was also a cock. And not worth a ball of lint from my crappy coat :o)

Don't spent one second wondering how you can address the 'faults' he dreamt up about you.