My ex wants me to throw and fund a large birthday party and invite his entire family to it for our 1 year olds up coming birthday.
I don't want to.
In order not to drip feed of at all possible some back ground information, I have a none molestation order against his parents forbidding them from being any where near me or dc and dad is unable to have unsupervised contact ( court ordered as a result of his probation officer and his own statement to the court)
Dc is very unhappy being around lots of people. on Christmas Day I agreed to spend the day with his family without those named on the non mol but it was dreadful they couldn't contain there excitement at having a Christmas with dc and were in his face constantly he was visibly distressed and no matter what I did they wouldn't stop bugging him so we very politely made excuses and left,there was no bad feeling it was all done very nicely but it was obvious to them he was unhappy and over whelmed by the suituation.
I would not be surrounding dc with lots of people even if it was my own family asking and given that every time we have been in large groups of people dc has reacted in the same way I have been fairly careful to avoid repeats where possible.
I'm concerned that a birthday party for him would be practically impossible to manage them being all over the top and in his face again and bombarding him with flashing noisey stuff and he would struggle to cope with it.
Also I think birthday parties for under 3's are more about the parents than the child I think a one year old has no idea its a birthday and won't remember it so there is not much point in throwing one. Fine if you want to but my choice would be not to.
I was intending on doing the almost obligatory age 1 ballon and cake in high chair and just having a chilled out time at home with those who live here but also inviting dad plus one person who had agreed to transport dad and supervise (with dads agreement)with a small amount of presents but lots of photos to send to dads family even the ones named on the non mol. None of my family apart from those I gave birth to who also live at home would be attending. My adult children will be coming round indervidually for short visits on different days,I had not invited his family to do the same as if they come I end up arranging transport and they tend to try and stay all day and until late no matter what.
This was fine when we spoke about it before but for some reason now dads kicked off and apparently I'm being controlling and unfair. He wants me to do a huge party that only caters for his family he is unable to explain why other than he didn't get to have one for his other child and his family miss out on many things to do with her (she has supervised as well and her mum is very nice but not as willing as I am to accommodate him or his family I am unaware as to why).
Other possibly relevant info. He is unwilling to contribute towards any event,I receive no maintainance, dc will be being assessed for autism as I have 5 other kids with ASD and this dc has recently regressed and shows simmerler problems with stuff that they did at the same age.
So aibu and what are your thoughts on birthday parties for tinys.