to stand up for Brides who are NOT Bridezillas?

[ButternutSquish]

I've read so many threads on AIBU about weddings; how people dread getting invited, how they hate going on the Hen, how it all costs so much money, how dare they suggest a gift from a gift list, how dare they not offer a free bar etc etc etc...

I'm getting married in under 5 weeks and I really hope my friends and family are not thinking the way lots of MNs obviously do.

My DF & I have tried to plan our wedding so that everyone has a lovely time, eats & drinks well, enjoys the party that we are putting on. We have invited as many people as we can afford to the full day. We are paying for drinks after the wedding & drinks with the meal but not a free bar in the evening. We are paying for a substantial evening buffet, we're providing fun entertainment. We want our friends to celebrate our special day with us.

I have had my hen weekend which I payed for myself and there were no surprise gifts for me. We all had a great weekend at Butlins which is where they wanted to go. I bought a gift bag for each of my hens because I was so pleased that they had chosen to share time with me and celebrate.

I love getting wedding invitations as I feel honoured to be able to share thei happy couples special day & that I'm important in their lives to want to ask me.

I feel like shouting to you all who hate wedding invitations, just don't go. It's an invitation and not a summons! Don't go on the hen if you don't want to. Explain to the bride if you can't afford it. I'm sure she'll understand and do something seperatley with you like having a drink one evening to ensure you're not feeling left out.

And the gift list....I get asked constantly what we would like as a gift, it's not a crime to put a list in, it's making a suggestion. It's hardly like we'll shout at anyone who doesn't buy anything.

We been invited to weddings in the Pennines (2 nights hotel for that one), on the Isle of Wight during festival week (expensive B&B & ferry crossing for that one) & in the middle of no-where but walkable to the B&B & happily accepted that if you know and keep in touch with friends there is a chance you may get invited to their days.

I know I'll get flamed but I really don't care.

Tbf, I think some people do call bridezilla too easily. If a bride wants roses as part of her bouquet then she should be able to have them without someone calling her a bridezilla.

However, if a bride/groom insist on a child free wedding they cannot then throw a tantrum if someone declines the invite.

OP you don't sound like a bridezilla to me but there are some bride/groomzilla's out there. Good luck with your wedding, I hope you have a lovely day :)

IMO a b'zilla is one who puts the look/ambient/theme of the wedding ahead of the comfort and enjoyment of her guests. Who gets bratty and irritable about the colour of the napkins and what the bridesmaid wear on their feet. I have only met one of those in RL but she was a doozy!

That's not to say that guests can't be bloody awkward too...

There are some that deserve the title of bridezilla and those are the ones most likely to be posted about.

I would never post about my closest friends that got married recently as they were the least precious people ever about their weddings and hen dos. Each wedding was fab btw.

You never know with an AIBU thread Ormi!

And Pigsmummy, I know what you mean about the RSVP thing. I've chased a couple of people up and they were like, 'oh, didn't we tell you we were coming?' err, no, that's why I'm asking you. And I have a lovely friend who has decided to stay at the venue (no block bookings of rooms I hasten to add) & booked it but then text me asking for the hotel details. What???

If you really want people to complain, have the wedding in another country, invite 30 people to go to other country, then cancel the wedding 10 days before because "you're not ready yet" so pretty much everyone's booked, and lose lots of money if they cancel.

Sounds like you're going about everything the right way, OP and I hope you have a lovely wedding. It takes effort on both sides - it's mean to whinge about a bride and groom treating you to a lovely meal, transport, showing you they want to share their happiness with you, but then some marrieds-to-be (not just brides!) do get a bit bratty.

I was so anxious not to be labelled a bridezilla that I made out I wasn't that fussed about my wedding plans to all but my dearest and most level headed friends. I couldn't stand the pearl clutchers trying to drag me into conversations about how on earth I was going to lose some weight (one person knocked a much longed for Greggs cheese and onion pasty out of my hand once - she was just 'helping' ), what their DCs should wear to the wedding so they'd match my dress (FFS, even my bridesmaid's dress didn't match mine). So i just refused to take the bait - you're anxious enough planning a wedding without people nipping your head in order to make you more so! In the end, my dress was £150 from Debenhams (and beautiful), I told all mums I wasn't having formal flowergirls and that their DDs should come wearing whatever they liked (Superman costumes permitted). We didn't spend much and were adamant that our guests shouldn't have to either. Our party after the dinner was in a lovely old town hall with council bar prices (i.e. dirt cheap). It was an awesome day.

Thanks Stripey! I must admit to laughing reading about the pasty though, sorry I'll admit to wanting the best wedding I can afford but also want everyone else to have an amazing day. I've handcrafted lots of items such as jewellery, stationary, cake toppers, favours, stationary etc to pay for the extras we wanted such as a harpist & a casino. And who really pays for chair covers at £4.50 each?

It's not been all plain sailing but I'm determined that we will ALL have an amazing day, not just me. There's been a few kinks in the road travelled to get to this point (MIL to be had a major melt down over a couple of people who we've never met not being invited and we didn't speak for 2 months - errr, who's paying for this wedding???)

And Absy, that's bloody awful! I know you shouldn't commit to each other if you're not sure, but that's dreadful!! I hope you went away anyway!

Exactly. It was the bride who freaked out (and had been pushing to get married) which made me think "surely you should have thought about this before you insisted on getting engaged and requesting a 2 carat ring?" But yes, we went anyway.

Have an amazing wedding ButternutSquish! I'm sure that whatever the size of your wedding, if you have put thought into the enjoyment of your guests, then nobody (reasonable) will complain.

And you never know about those chair covers... we didn't order them but the wedding before us did so the venue offered them to us for free at the last minute - don't think they could be bothered to remove them .