or is this quite rude behaviour?

[ThatBintAgain]

My aunt came to stay last night and arrived about 8pm. I made a meal for the three of us. The computer is currently set up on the end of the table (not ideal but temporary measures) but it was shifted up so that the three of us had space to sit round. We were having a few drinks and chatting but towards the end of the meal DH started messing with the computer - turns out he's eyeing up the results on Sky Sports (because he's recently started placing a few bets.) I thought this was a bit off, but then he got up and went into the other room and sat there looking at Sky Sports and god knows what else in there. He did eventually come back and sit with us, but I want to know if I'm the one being unreasonable here, because personally I find this quite rude. I think if you have a guest and you're having a meal you sit there and be sociable, not wander off and arse about on the internet. AIBU?

Ummmm....you are most definitely not BU.

Does he always act like that?

He was being very rude.

YANBU. Is it his usual behaviour or was it due to the novelty of gambling?

I dunno, he has been a bit depressed in recent years and does sometimes seems to struggle with being sociable. We had friends up over Christmas and he kept wandering of for a walk, for half an hour at a time up to three times a day. It was noticeable. And I'm starting to find it very wearing. I don't know if he thinks that if guests are "my" friends/family he's not obliged to bother, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't behave this way if they were "his".

Thing is, I've not had chance to bring it up with him and I'm getting to the point where I'm sick of feeling like a nag when I think this is fairly basic manners, and he generally just responds by being defensive and shitty and we argue. And I'm tired of it.

A friend comes for dinner every week. I cook the meal, serve the meal, eat the meal with him and the dearly beloved. Then, after half an hour or so of chat I bugger off and arse about on mumsnet.

I have little interest in listening to them talk about engines, cars and whether or not the friend is going to bid on a car on ebay and if he does should he make a low offer or a high one and if he gets it where can he store it while he works on it and should he make an offer now or should he wait until the auction is almost over and and and....ARGGGHHHHHHH.

Maybe your husband feels the same about the aunt's visit.

My DH does this all the time - just wanders off as he has finished his meal and doesn't fancy a chat. Maybe you were talking about stuff he wasn't interested in and was just leaving you in peace. Not sure it's worth getting riled about.

I did wonder this, although I can't imagine that if a family member of his came to stay for the first time that I would bugger off. I think the sitting at the table and actively checking Sky Sports while we're all sat there is a bit rude. But I don't know if this is just a difference in our upbringings? If I cook a meal, he won't come when I shout or even when everyone else does, he'll just saunter in when he feels he's ready which I find infuriating. He sits there and talks with his mouth very full and then wanders off when he feels like it regardless of whether other people have finished, and I just don't feel like he's setting a particularly good example to the children. I've noticed his mum will do similar and will wander off mid meal to go and tidy/wash up and the whole thing just feels less sociable; they certainly both use cleaning/tidying as a way of avoiding spending time with people.

On the other hand, I was brought up in quite a strict and controlled environment, and if I'd behaved like this I'd have been in trouble, so I wonder if my opinion of what is polite is slightly skewed?

hmm, my dad does this - and always has. wanders off when he finishes meals, and if we have family or friends over, he'll bugger off into the living room to watch tv or read a book. part of me says "i wish i could do that, i'm bored stiff listening to family member x talk about stuff i don't know or care about" but the other part of me does find it a bit rude.

i don't see why he should be made to sit and listen to your chat, with your family, when it's not something that really interests him. i'd find it more rude if he just sat there, obviously bored, and made a fuss. often it's better to just let someone do their own thing.

YANBU. It shows an obvious lack of interest in the conversation/ people present, which is rude.

My Mum has an Ipod and takes it out and plays patience on it when the conversation runs to things she's not interested in

Also she'll disappear often. I think she doesn't realise how noticeable it is to people. She has a bit of an inferiority complex and is a bit depressed so thinks people are too wrapped up in themselves to miss her if that makes sense. Could it be similar with your DH?

Definitely rude. Self-absorbed behaviour.

YANBU - I'd be really annoyed if DH did this.

abba yes, I think you're right, it does sound similar. I do sympathise to some extent as it's shit being depressed, but it's also shit having to live with all the difficult behaviour day in, day out. And especially when I think that he's on the verge of coming of the ADs. Doesn't really bode well.